The memory of pain often colors
My mind when all the walls of it turn dark.
The light scars that I have from hobby knives
Yearn loud and loud to open up once more.
The blades scream loud as I suppress my cries
And yet they beg and beckon for my thighs.

Shall I  go once more and see my own blood
Leave the indents made on my mortal skin?
Or shall I let the screams of my turmoil
Bleed into ev'ry situation I'm in?

Maybe I'm the dark brown eyes you stare into
The ones you see your reflection in

Maybe I'm the hand combing through your jet black hair
Or the voice in the wind on an empty rooftop bar

Maybe I'm the brain you treat lesser than yours
Or the body in the room that tells you that you're not alone

Maybe I'm the throbbing **** you leave red Mac lipstick stains on
Or the stern screams that remind you of your father

Maybe I'm the lips touching your left cheek
Or the fingers that fix your nose ring

Who am I if not for all the times I've been cheated on?
Why should I be more than a pincushion
For all the times your dad didn't tell you he loved you?
Who would I be to all of you if I weren't
eyes,
hands,
barely a brain,
a ****,
and lips
?
Who am I if not a string of traumas
Walking my way through a path paved with eggshells and broken glass?
Who am I?

I spend my nights thinking of how you thought
If ev'rything you said was all for naught.
Did you love me true romantically
Or did you just say it to not hurt me?

My dear, I loved you with all that I had
I thought we would both end up real glad
But now I see that you didn't mean it
Now all of this, to me, is pretty ****

I wish you meant all of the things you said
Maybe I wouldn't have wished I were dead,
But I still love you in all honesty
I wish you never said that you loved me

Because I'm finding hardships moving on
If we stayed friends this feeling would be gone,
But you decided to ***** the floor
And told me that you felt a feeling more

I would've missed the style and way you kissed,
But all I am right now is ******* ******
I really truly wish that you loved me
Or maybe just let the friendship we had be

I remember the night we met
We kissed in the dark, dim lights
Of a public parking lot
We held hands, fingers intertwined

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember holding you tight
Half my body hanging off
The back seat of my X-Trail
The kisses were worth the back pain

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember falling in love
Actually, I didn't
I made the choice to love you
I thought I got it right for once

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I told myself I could get used to it
Loving you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And outside of dark, dim parking lot lights
I never should have gotten used to it

I'm lying in bed in the dark again
My earphones are loudly playing your song
I recall you saying you hated it,
But this is one of the only ****** ways
I can hear your beautiful voice again

I'm afraid of calling you, honestly
I'm afraid you'll tell me what I expect
"We should just be friends. Can we just be friends?"
I wanted you to be my lover, dear.

I would have loved you as hard as I could
Harder than I have ever loved before
But you'd never let me love you like that
Because to you, my love would chain you down

You'd be a bird in a golden-barred cage,
A skiff with a passenger ship's anchor,
Someone who you never saw yourself as
Someone you never really planned to be

So maybe all of this was for the best
Relationships, after all, hurt a lot
So maybe all of this was for the best,
But I'm unsure when my love for you shall rest

There is a star under the moon
It looks like the star is under the moon
I like to imagine it that way
It's beautiful

                       moon
                         star

I love how close they are
They're so close
Just two reaching hands away
Like lovers separated
By two metal fences
Two different sides
To two different worlds

                       moon
                         star

You are so close
Just reach
Just touch
Just love and be loved

                       moon



                         star

But this is reality
You're far, far away
Beyond two metal fences
But of two different sides
Of two different worlds

too close
too far

proximity in places
true proximity is not permitted
stings like bees on your arms
and ants in your legs

too close
too far