You and I were
explorers of the first degree-
I was the leader but it was never as
fun without you, you know-
you were essential too.

We dammed streams and
built castles, drew maps and
hid in ferns
taller than our heads.

I named our places but
only for you (we spoke in
code; spies and pirates,
explorers of the first degree).

We had Greendip,
The Bracken Bubble,
Glory Glee with the ash tree
(your branch, and my branch,
and the Nasty Nipping Nettle Nasties
that we drew red – danger – on the map.)

We slid down hills on plastic
bags and ran up them with
matching hair tangling in
the wind and
I was the leader,
but you were my crew.

Your hair still matches mine
and although we no longer draw
maps on paper we are drawing one
every day (and when I see any
Nasty Nipping Nettle Nasties,
I mark them in red for you,
and you do the same for me).

I am no longer the leader (we’re
equals now, matching pioneers,
and I love you).

you caught the tide and
i didn't. swept under and
tangled in the dark
it's hard to see but i
know, i know you're gone.
there's only empty black waves
above me.

you caught the tide but
i didn't.

you cannot stop staring
(he's only your mate)
-yes i've noticed the way
you've been looking of late-

like you want to enquire if
i'm at all aware
of the way the sun looks
in the threads of his hair,

like you're guilty and
he's taken you by surprise,
like the world's pushed you
forwards and
opened your eyes,

like you're scared of the
truth and you're scared of the
rest, and you're thinking that maybe
it's only a test.

but the fact that it's not is as
clear as cut glass (well tell that
to the woman who says it'll pass)

i watch your eyes watch him-
and you look at me- like you're
wondering whether i know
what you see.