I must be so hard to love
How do you find it within yourself
to forgive me for my raggedness?
I find myself growing out of you
the way roots do a ***'s constraint
But we cling to each other
like an addict's last hit.
We wonder which will take us first,
death or stagnancy?

-Taylor Ann Farrell

I woke up at four o'clock
On a winter morning,
My thoughts begged me to leave you
Instincts like brakes blazing hot  
Heart no longer pleading so hard to stay.
I woke up at four o'clock
On a frigid morning,
Trying to act the same exact way.
Hands shaking with the thought of action
Attempting to calculate how you'd react and
I think I scared logic away.
I woke up at four o'clock
On a starless morning,
I think you thought I'd stay
These shaking hands and weary feet
They've traveled far, and learned some things,
You see, five o'clock is looking up,
(I've walked long, and I've walked hard)
And my heart is finally catching on,
With the sunrise on the horizon.

I opened the door and let you in
Vulnerabilities and everything
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am.
Not quite the image you expected
Unlike the picture you perfected
Compared to your mind, I fall behind.
My heart burst with reality and passion,
Showing my feelings is like a chemical reaction
In shock and horror you deflect,
Leaving me saturated with regret.
Demanding what you think of me
Without the facades, now you see.
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am
Requesting the person you thought you knew,
Leaving my heart black and blue.
I shade myself with dishonesty
Will this make you love me?
Now my throat is dry
What once was said was left behind,
Walking hand in hand, I'm glad you're mine
Staring at our fingers intertwined.
Fake yet loved, here I stand.
Disappearing with who I really am.

Don’t look me in the eye
Rip the watch off of my wrist
So that I might breathe again.
You’re an unwelcome sulfur in my lungs
Toxins pouring from your love
I long to shut you out.
Your youth is my mortality
Your religion is my sin
I long to drown you out
So my identity could weigh in
Your voice, my discomfort
But your hands, they draw me in
Caught in this purgatory of faith
Between your praying hands I swim
Vocal love is never tangible,
I just want something I can feel
The devil for craving simple pleasures
The saint to your body’s whim
But your hands, they draw me in
They draw me in, they draw me in.

I thought that I could save the world

I thought “the moon lived in the lining in your skin”

I thought I could live inside a poem

I thought I could drink from you like the fountain of youth

I thought the world spun because we danced

I thought the world was a different place

My heart beats too slow
My blood runs too deep
There's always something wrong with me

In every story I've ever been, I ******* annihilated everyone I've ever known.
I fell in love with the devil, but I broke his heart, and he let me go.

Beauty does not stop the hand that pulls the flower from it's roots.

The word sprang, hollowed from my throat, like the first rain drop after an everlasting drought. "Please."
Such a measly word attempted to encompass the myriad of emotions it was intended to portray. "Please."
You could clearly hear my vocal cords shaking, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
The same eyes that you once fell into, professed love for. The same eyes that had now proved to be an empty ocean.
"Please," was all I had said in that single pivotal moment in time, and silence was all that had answered it.
The same silence that now rings in my ears. The same silence you promised me would never surface.
The same silence that now defined all that we'll ever amount to.
"Please."

I still find you, trapped within the scent
threaded into my blankets.
I still taste you on the exhales of my morning's first cigarette.
I still feel your five o'clock shadow tickling my shoulders when I type at my computer.
I still feel your eyes across the room when part of a crowd.
I still linger in the music we shared.
I still hear your voice amongst the songs of birds. And when I listen hard enough,
I still hear you whisper those
three
solitary
words.

I woke up face down in the murky waters of a memory
This old poem that you wrote for me
From the cavernous depths of your empty soul

With baby's breath and angels tears
You read it so intently
Your gaze nearly discerned me
Fever struck your cheekbones
And I fell into the catastrophe I once called home

A dream deferred, a wilted rose
A recalled loss of sense
The feeling of your arms around me
One I won't soon forget.

The blows come unannounced
I fear my heart might beat again
For something I failed to **** inside me
For something that was once so perfect in my mind.

It's always a string of words
That make me question everything
And you just sit there
While they spill out
And they bring me to my knees,
I swear to god they do.

You were always the instrument that could soothe away all my faults, all my wrinkles,
And I'll never forgive you for that.
The way you made everything perfect, and then left...
Just like that.

Your heartbeat a luxury my mind aches to remember
Swollen fingertips, chapped lips
Drunk off the excess of expired love

Unrequited happiness leaves one with such a hollow loneliness
My candle of hope is burning to its wits end.
An essence so pure can soon enough become poison
When consumed by the wrong muse, true loves' abortion.

Solace itself can often be found in the pulse of your wrist,
a melancholy sound of copper and satin, mysterious kiss
of all that might happen if you question,"what if?"