how do you stop the sad?
the sad that leaves you crying
on the shower floor,
the sad that makes you angry,
that makes you want to scream and run,
run far, far away.
the sad that hope that,
if you run nobody would come looking
just to prove to yourself that
they don’t care, just as you suspected.
how do you stop the sad
that make food feel like poison,
makes tears feel like needles
dragging down your face,
calling out that you’re weak
for not being able to handle
the emotions running through you
or the anxiety coursing through your veins.
how do you stop the sad
that makes your throbbing head spin
and keeps your tired eyes open
when all you want to do is sleep
for a million years,
because even though sleep
doesn’t stop the sad, it freezes it.
how do you stop the sad
that you thought had gone away,
that you hadn’t felt in months,
that you hadn’t thought about in months,
that crept up like a monster
the moment you set foot in that house.
how do you stop the sad
that doesn’t even feel like an emotion,
that leaves you drained and wondering,
is happy even real?
please, someone tell me -
i’m begging on all fours -
how do you stop the sad
because i’ve never felt quite this bad.

I opened the door and let you in
Vulnerabilities and everything
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am.
Not quite the image you expected
Unlike the picture you perfected
Compared to your mind, I fall behind.
My heart burst with reality and passion,
Showing my feelings is like a chemical reaction
In shock and horror you deflect,
Leaving me saturated with regret.
Demanding what you think of me
Without the facades, now you see.
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am
Requesting the person you thought you knew,
Leaving my heart black and blue.
I shade myself with dishonesty
Will this make you love me?
Now my throat is dry
What once was said was left behind,
Walking hand in hand, I'm glad you're mine
Staring at our fingers intertwined.
Fake yet loved, here I stand.
Disappearing with who I really am.

I stole away, with an

Angel intent on keeping 

Me company, for my

Last day on earth

She drew my name in the clouds with

Ink she bought from God,

Broke my bed,

Ripped my blankets, and

Sat me down to

Mock my ignorance

Needing a place to sit,

We built a bench, out of

Broken promises

Each knot in the wood

Melted into a bitter syrup, as I

Recommitted it to memory

We drank coffee behind the

Store that sold my

Innocence to those more

Deserving of the 

Luck they’d received.

Their tender was 

Myth and merchandise,

Final sale,

No return.

The torn soles, on the shoes I

Wore, slid softly through the

Field of grinning flowers, their

Beauty rivaled only by their

Obvious ignorance

Fingers wrapped my wrist,

Departure was inevitable

Wings spread, we soared over the

Blue and purple of the 

Flowers, shaded darkly by the 

Sun’s embarrassment

But from miles up, my

Sight, seemingly unchanged by my

Decreasing proximity

Showed me their vigilant smiles

Had she dropped me 

Anywhere else, the

Beautiful field of 

Terminal foliage

Would sway the same, with

Each windy eve

I woke up, drunk on

Sleep and whiskey, as the

Sobering veracity of my

Failure to keep dreaming

Became achingly apparent.