Night is when everything catchs me.
The worry the anxiety the fear.
That loud voice in my head, which begs Me to make it stop hurting.
Trying to heal each wound one by one.
I hate the night because that's when my terror begins.

Some one once told me
to love others, I must first love myself
Somthing I could never do

Nonsense, I could never love this mess that I call myself

but your smile
your voice
your warmth

so comforting.
so beautiful

sometimes I'm able to forget what hating myself feels like
when I'm in your arms.

Lightness touched darkness.
Haunting melodic echoes
danced off painted sky.

nothing hurts me
like your pain

I stare through a plane of distortion
as a calm anxiety engulfs me,
numbing every sensation
until everything else is a blank nothing.

It hurts to know that I once shone,
emitting a harsh radiance, like the sun.
they used to avert their fragile corneas
from my invasive rays but now...

I am a blank nothing.