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The sky is blue
the sun is shining
all around the little birds sing

In the distance the sounds
of a lawn mower
the laughter of a child

Pink flowers on the camellia bush
green moss in the grass
leaf buds on the oak tree

Sparrows on the feeder
a blackbird taking a bath
a robin looking at me from the fence

in this time of global pandemic
this is my normality
a surreal reality

Working from home
a novelty for many today
my life for much of twenty years

social isolation daily life
for all now
my life for the past 15 years

I give deep gratitude
for this experience
from every atom of my soul

Our past always
leads us to
our present

This is not the time
for pointing fingers
for one up manship

Nor is it a time
for ego
or greed

It is the opportunity
for I to become
we

For Illness
to become
wellness

It is the time
for  community
during  isolation

It is the time
to believe
in possibility

In the possibility
that from global pandemic
we can create

a beautiful new world
in the chaos of your mind
what
do you
see

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
what
changes do you
want to make

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
where
do you
want to be

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
what steps
can you
take

to make a difference
to make your life easier

less fraught
less anxious

filled with more joy
filled with less anger

i don’t know
you say

an endless loop
that
frustrates
you more

that exasperates me

there is a solution
a potential solution
at once so hard
at once so easy

acceptance

accept
your unique differabilty
your exceptional persona
your unique perspective on the world

accept
non-conditional love
support
kindness

accept
above all
you are worthy

because you are
like heavy snowfall
loneliness is crushing me;
cold, harsh, destructive.
a city with a past
that echoes unrelentingly
through its present

a city of whispering shadows
& tortured souls
of sharp edges
& crystallised tears



© Jacqueline Le Sueur 2016 All Rights Reserved
Written on a cold, snowy morning in  February 2010 having just experienced the Monument to the Murdered European Jews...2711 concrete stelae representing the 6 million Jews killed in the Holocaust
ice
Cold, blue, wet, fragile, brittle, hard, steam solidified, water hardened, anger, fear, white, tensile,

steam solidified,
water hardened; you lie
in her wintered veins.

why?

"If she's awake, I'll **** you."
staccato words spoken
like a knife blade thrown...
...with malice and intent.

Her father's voice
from the bedroom next door
no sound of her mother.

The female child cowered
under her candy-striped sheets
their usual soft comfort
unnoticed

footsteps
door handle moving
light seeping into her sanctuary

her heart thudded
trying to escape her chest
as she held her breath.

"Please, please don't hear me."
a silent plea as
fear snatched her in its icy grip.

She could smell him
smell the cigarettes
smell his power.

She waited.

He backed out
returned to her mother
between her heartbeats
she heard the slap

"You are lucky this time,
*****. She sleeps."
Heavy footsteps down the stairs
punctuated by her mother's tears.

                            ~~~~~~~~~~~

The girl child had only ever blamed her mother
decades of anger and bitterness
the memory of this night buried deep.
Crazed hard ice beneath the tundra of her life.

In the third decade of the girl child's life
her mother died
alone
never forgiven for what she hadn't done
nor for what she had.

The ice remained in the girl child's veins
If anything, thicker...harder.

Then in her fifth decade this ice became water
as with the passage of life the tundra thawed
and rising with it to the surface
the truth.

Then what?

The girl child worked hard at staying warm
at keeping the ice at bay.
Not easy.

Nothing was ever said to her father.

In her sixth decade the girl child's father died
embraced in his daughter's arms
forgiven for what he had done
and for what he hadn't.

The woman had finally thawed
she was properly warm
her own love
finally able to flow
piercing
an arrow shaft of pain
from nowhere
straight through my heart

where are you
why did you leave
I miss you
more, so much more

you're not there
at the end of the phone
your voice
my port in a storm

I miss you
more, so much more
tears from nowhere
rivers of pain

you're there
somewhere
where the birds always sing
and the flowers always bloom

I love you Pa
© Jacqueline Le Sueur 2014 All Rights Reserved
an easy word to say
to spell
and to live by
so you would think

should be easy
and yet
it is hard
so hard

you are seen as a threat
if you stand up
and speak
an alternate opinion

tall poppy in the cornfield
head above the parapet
in the line of fire
why should it be so

ego
fear
loss of face
stand in the way

the world would be
such an easier place
if alternate views were respected
and differences honoured
© Jacqueline Le Sueur 2014 All Rights Reserved
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