#trichotillomania poems

Iasha Aleksandrov Apr 2020

I look up and pluck a daisy,
I pull out the petals, one by one.
There’s pain when the roots hold firm,
But they’ll come free
And I’ll feel a little worse.
Do daisies grow back?
I’m ruining them all,
But one more can’t hurt.
I eat the head-

When I look up
There’s no daisies left.

#trichotillomania

Orchid T Aspen Dec 2019

hair holes

Eventually my memory
will lament
in daydreams
//:.
that my pride
was dissolving in my bed,
//:.
that my solace
was pacing vehemently in my head,
//:.
that my martyrdom
was telling me I may recover,
//:.
that my return
was murmuring softly,
//:.
that my fury
was invading my hiding door,
//:.
that my frenzy
was stabbing at my scalp,
//:.

and perhaps my memory
will stutter
as always,
//:.

and I can stack my scabs again.

#trichotillomania #selfharm #hiding #dissociation #daydreams #memory #brainfog #addiction #hopelessness #biding

Chameleon Jul 2018

Hair

Each hair I pluck from my head feels good; well satisfying at the time.
Until I look at it in my fingers.
I can see where my natural hair color ends and where the blonde begins.
I run it over my fingertips and then drop it off to my side.
Time to find another.
And another.
Until I realize in a panic that I have just pulled out even more of what was left of my bangs.
Perfect.
Let's see if I can figure out how to cover this up, or maybe this time I can't.
What then?

#trichotillomania

Elma Jun 2018

I'm Sorry

I know you want to,
I know you need to,
Catch and pull again,
Catch and pull again,
I'm telling you-
Everything's gonna be alright.
Just draw another line
Above the eye,
Again,
Catch and pull again,
Scratch and pull again,
Brown pencil smeared-...
A threat,
To the norms of beauty.

Whyever did you do it?

A fear they're gonna see you as you are,
Is part of the morning routine.
Does the pillow have
What the face should hold in?
And do eyelashes grow
From one magic roll of woven hair,
And does it ever end,
And will I know it?

I am afraid...

Is this the part when,
I go to the mirror and say,
The most genuine "sorry"?

I might as well just save it,
What a glory!
Hot mess with dark circles,
With patches,
Best,
Just save your breath,
I know you're phony.

I am myself's
Worst **** girlfriend,
Cheating and then saying I'm sorry...
Just to fall again.
I have lost faith.
In what I say.
Oh, what a story...

I have to buy more eyeliner,
And brown eyebrow pencil.

Mental note:

One day you'll be above it.

#trichotillomania #trich #poetry

What I Feel Sep 2017

Bald

This thing I have,
it makes me sick;
I'm tired of life
just drumming on
the same as life
the day before,
my hair receding
more and more,
and nothing stops
this ruthless train
from ploughing down
my tortured brain,
the scars it carves
are deep ingrained,
and split my soul
in sorry halves,
each impulse sparking
shots of shame
that jab my spine
with ****** of pain,
each choking breath
a living death,
a rhythm that
just picks up speed
with every whine,
a whispered threat
that only tortured
ones can heed-

...

So I will shave my head.

...

My broken slate will be wiped clean.

This sorry life I'll now grab back

and brand new paths I'll tread.

I am trying my best to overcome my problems now. I just thought it was relevant to write about my demons again.

#trichotillomania #mentalhealth #torture #hope