I wish I had told you that you were my best friend
Come to realize that fact now
After your life met it's end
Nothing said or done could ever bring you back
I still beg unseen forces to reverse your passing and unfade surroundings from black
Your death hit like a bullet straight through my chest
Here on out I'll continue bleeding every sentiment left unexpressed
I can't help feeling bitter towards the world turning round and round
For taking my heaven-sent angel and burying her in the cold ground
I wake each heavy morning and barely face the sun
Swept up in a hurricane but I seem to be the only one
Driving down an unpaved road no signs saying yield
Rain is crashing so hard I can hardly see through the windshield
And know if you were here you'd be encouraging me to keep fighting
I ****** myself bit by bit
Demise I'm expediting
I'm stranded on remote island surrounded by ocean of my fears
Beach shrinking as tide rolls in
Helplessly watch as all land disappears
It is not fair you deserted me in a barren expanse of loneliness
Wilting I long for the familiar warmth of your caress
Now aching hours are blistered by regret and rage
Heating shaky hands as I spill my story onto this page
Ready to give up what is there to continue breathing for?
Nothing lasts forever and I admit I simply don't want to anguish anymore
It's like I'm held underwater by a dozen unbreakable strings
Lay in bed when night falls tormented by sound of your laughter as it rings
How is it possible to be dead as my pulse simultaneously races
Feet exhausted from sprinting in circles over the same four bases
I once was aware of my worth
Moved with purpose and care
Presently time warps wasting away as I navigate this nightmare
Drinking nostalgia like alcohol
Enjoying shot after shot
Intoxicated with reminiscence
Drowning in love I have no longer got
I caught cranium on fire in attempt to warm up insides
Pursuing this glow your presence no longer supplies
Beneath sheets I roll until my limbs become a tangled mess
Dreams only location where I am briefly unshackled from distress
Speak to you sleeping then expect you to remain
Once eyes open you are left behind in another domain
Then experience you parting to the point like it was new
For one second I forget that there is no more you
And everything comes tumbling around me in a blink
Dire circumstances are slowly nudging me towards the brink
Trying to gain some distance between me and the edge of this cliff
Spent enough energy wrestling with two words
"What if?"
To taste that state of carefree bliss bathed in as a child
Unharnessed love shadowed me before innocence was defiled
Wrapped in an insatiable yearning for arms laid to ashes
No bandages or stitches are able to close up emotional gashes
I should have savored sweetness of your affection while I could
Every last bit of maternal nurturance is gone for good

so much to give
but so closed off

a glass
filled to the brim
waiting to spill

others take tentative sips
or pour it out completely

I just want to be savored
drank slowly over time
enjoyed through all seasons

while my heart may be punctured
oozing out love to anyone who looks
my bones are hard and sharp
waiting to poke through this flesh
and stab if need be

to want to love
so freely
to want to receive
the same

you'd think it'd be easier
to crack open this ribcage