There was so much I wanted to say to you,
But I didn’t make it.
Like a beast at bay I was in a hurry
And eager to thataway.
I thought: “I’ll achieve my goals and dreams
That I need and then
Everything will go and run, and fly,
In a right way.”

It seemed to me that my story
Will surely happen.
And I exchanged myself recklessly
For nothing important at all.
I never imagined that my life
Would be depopulated,
And what’s left of it will turn into
A paper ******* in whole.

I’ve got to gather it all by any means, really.
I must have foolishly outdone my fate all over.
And you… Sorry, I will be honest with you, my dear:
There was so much to say to you, but I thought over.

body...
it hurts
and I can't do it anymore.

But its okay... just sometimes,
No. I can't.

"Can't what!!?"_ you shriek

Everything:
Its painful to get dressed,
coming out from the curled, soft, blankets
it hurts
my head, eyes, and  body
I can't explain why or how.
I can't explain my self
not anymore.

I can't be fake
anymore
talking **** all the time.
I can't hide these feelings.

I'm scared.
not knowing where I am
blinded of where I'm going,
doing my best to cover all this chaotic mess
with a smile,
the smile everyone exclaims they love so dearly.
A smile just to get me out the door and through the day.
And Why
And  How
!!!
How do these **** Lovely Beings see all this good,
all this beauty, hope and fragile kindness..
all this peace and passion.
How..!
can they see all this, behind that smile..
Telling me these sweet gentle words,
words I truly try to believe in!
words I forget to believe in
words that I find so hard to see,
all these wonders
people talk of.
I get so lost in myself,
trying to find these wonderful sweet words
of calm seas, and humble peace
those words,
people exclaim to me.

But its Hard
and most days..
I just can't.

So I'm sorry if I get down and all shades of blue,
of lost
and scared.

But these horrible words:
'I can't'
Have Haunted me since forever.
those terrible two
words..
spinning around in my miserable, lost, mind.

Causing my body to hurt so
with all these sleepless nights.

But its Okay!
No worries

its Just...
at times it hurts so
that I look in the mirror and see
lost, tired, scared, sad, eyes
staring so freighted back at me.

Asking why, I could possibly hurt so..

But for now.
Sorry, my lovelies
that I hurt so

Maybe someday,
I will truly believe in calm seas and shining peace
with radiant skin
shinning with blinding passion.