Missed calls at 1 am
I wonder where you are.
Even then, especially now
you always were too far.

I'm done with broken promises,
I'm over empty feelings.

What happened?
Tell me, please.
My head's spinning in circles
and I'm down here on my knees.

------------------------------------------

I'm writing this a year and a half later
to let you know I'm still here.
But as for you, well I'm quite sure
you've up and disappeared.

------------------------------------------

It's been two years since I started
this ******-up love letter
in your absence.
I wish I could say I still miss you,
that I'm still driven crazy by so much madness;
but I realized I'd been holding on
to the ghosts of
your words
your touch
and
You.

You were like
the ever-changing seasons,
and I soon realized:
You are no longer
the person
I once knew.

October 19th
That's when I started to hate everything:
  My Boyfriend. School. My Family. Myself. My Life.
Things I really cared about before.
But that was before.
Before my schitzo boyfriend became a liar. A cheater.
Before he went from the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with  to the man I never wanted to see again.
Before I got to school one day, looked around, and got sick to my stomach.
I realized that the bright, white lights,
   cold, white walls
Reminded me of my second home:    The Hospital.
The other students resembled the slow "Beep, beep, beep" of the machines I am so familiar with.
The pain I go through everyday...
When I lost hope...
Stopped caring...
Oh, but BEFORE?!
I cared...
Before my mom announced that she was pregnant with my 5th brother, and 6th sibling,
I was excited!
...
Until I realized that I'd have another child to raise.
Well, ******, atleast I'd have help this time.
From the stepdad who doesn't seem to want to stay.
And the brother who refuses to take his medication.
Hard to believe, but BEFORE,...
I cared.
But that was before.
Before everything.
NOW?
I'm done caring.
Because now is now.
Before was just...
                                         Before.