the sheer diaphanous veil
covered the bride's face
she was suppressing tears
not tears of joy
but of sadness
she had no choice in this marriage
forced to don the white lacey dress
slather on makeup
and walk down the aisle
and swear to marry a stranger
and obey his every command

empathy
something I struggle with
I'm not heartless
or lacking kindness
I just don't know how
to put myself in other's shoes
I can't see their pain
in their perspective
I see it my way
not theirs
it's a struggle
I want to be understanding
but I just can't
I wish I could be
more empathetic
but alas
I'm just a misunderstood fool

I have logolepsy
I love learning about
all these new words
expanding my vocabulary
tenacious
quiddity
eclectic
capricious
psithurism

I could prate about how I feel
about you for days
until my words become
redundant and repetitive
I could prate endlessly
about how I hate you
or about how I love you
or about how I don't know how
I feel about you
as undecided as my feelings are
I could still prate about them

tacenda is what I feel about you
it's better left unfinished
what could've been
is not important
we were never meant to be
like I imagined
my feelings are damaged
tacenda

my love is tenacious
once I fall in love
the feeling is not
quick to fade
it clings to my heart
and sinks its claws in
my love is tenacious
once I fall in love
it hits me in the face
like a ton of bricks
my love is strong
sometimes too strong
where I love someone
who does not
deserve my affection

he asked me if I was okay
he thought I was acting
lugubrious
and didn't want me feeling down alone
I poured my heart out to him
and instead of being met with
anger and disgust and defensiveness
I got met with
understanding and love and compassion
this is how he is different
this is how I know
he won't hurt me
not like the others

I used to hapless in my search
my search for a healthy relationship
but finally
I hit the lottery with him
my hapless search is no longer hapless
I feel so lucky
with him in my life

I used to gloze over my pain
saying "I'm fine"
or "I'm just tired"
I used to hide away
not wanting to let anyone in
for the fear of judgement
I no longer gloze over my pain
I am honest if I'm feeling down
it's very freeing that way
my pain deserves to be open
to heal
a covered wound that never airs out
will never heal

psithurism reaches my ears
as I walk through the forest
the rustling leaves
are so peaceful
the sun shines through the branches
wildflowers sway in the breeze
birds chirp in the distance
a lazy river gurgles next me