I look up at the sky
And cry

Every night I hope this is some sick dream
That life isn't what it seems

I lost myself that day  
When you went away

I hid it well
Mommy and Daddy could never tell

I have a flashback in my mind every time
I see a cigar or a gold watch or even a cross necklace

You are constantly playing in the background of my brain like a movie that is up too loud and I am on the phone with my boss but can’t find the remote to turn it down

I googled how to let go
I realized that I can’t let go if I don’t want you to leave

I can’t turn raw pain into an elegantly worded piece of literature
I tried it's evident exactly where my heart broke

It visually depicted  exactly when my tears start to stream down my face

If you look close enough

I am drowning in a pit of false happyness and fake hope

I have sticky skin
it's too humid outside and
looking through the bathroom mirror
into myself I think my
veins are sticky too
and maybe the blood in them
is too
I'm not sure
does moving blood make
your heart rate faster

all you people
u r losing it mummies frick the mummies
spinning in circles in Beatles boots
     C     I
S            R
E      L    C
of throbbing pulses
brand new birthmarks on
necks of people
why so empty
vacillating back and forth like miniature
seconds seconds of time
time like
breath marks in a piece of music
BREATHE beFore YoU dIe and it is over
the 'it' has yet to find a definition
this is a rhetorical question
why did you leave?

for lacy clothes under cotton
pants bought somewhere on the beach
in MuMbAi covering
a gentle sloping navel
u ppl
feeling nothing
like a rubber band snapped
on a leg covered in jeans
snapping a rubber band against my wrist
until it is red

feeling things
lips are stained with coffee
and my teeth taste sour
of caffeine
this is the song of the
Lost oNe

my arteries burn less now and
breathing without
laying backwards on the carpet
comes easily
lOsT OnE hasn't changed
but I
have