I hate you. You made me believe every lie you created.
You broke me. You like to remind me that I am broken.
Which I know.
But I think you fail to realize,
Is that I’d take all the harassment, all the assumptions, and all the lies;
Just to show you..

That I am sorry.
I’m sorry for thinking I’m good with enough.
I’m sorry for the lack of experience in bed.
I’m sorry for being broken and meeting you.

I shouldn’t have dragged you into it, but also
I didn’t deserve the lies and assumption thrown at me for a mistake I regretted.
I didn’t deserve to read the true thoughts you had of Marissa.

Even as I sit here and write.
Trying to bury my tears behind a screen and scream.
You’ll be okay though.

Because I got the jail out of free card.
I don’t have “multiple personalities..”
I’m just the ****. A *****. ****. ****. Leg-opener. Yada. Yada.

Just the same ****.

It’s happening. The darkness. The old friend that enjoys my torment.
Driving me into my old ways.
Cuts on my wrists, thighs, shoulders.
Even work couldn’t distract me.

Failure.
Not loyal.
Ugly.
Disappointment.
Disgrace.
******.

Many more words playing in my mind.
Yes I have to destroy myself. What does it matter.
It doesn’t.
Not anymore.

I drove Gabe away only for him to die.
I drove you away only for you to be wrong.
You both never knew me at all.
All nights are shadowed by your memories.

All I can do is keep the blood flowing.
Until I can forget myself.

All it took was one break.
One text.
One meet up.
It was the perfect opportunity, to get back at someone you love.
A revenge of sorts.
It would work itself out.
Everything thing did.

Flirtatious looks thrown back at one another.
A small yet effective kiss on the cheek,
Then on her neck,
Making her singing into the night.
It didn’t stop there.  
Their lips locked.
His hands found their was down her body,
Squeezing places on her that was founded by someone else.
Her hand found her prize, so she thought.

He used her to his content.
They both knew what this was,
Nothing romantic about a hotel room.
Just *** and revenge.
Little did she know she had you in the back of her mind.

Every ****** made she said your name in her mind.
When he’d speak all she heard was your voice.
As he continued to touch her all she wanted was you.
Subconsciously she didn’t know she was pushing him away when he found her inside.
But why?

The answer is simple.
She wasn’t using it to get back you.
Didn’t need to have revenge.
All she wanted was to break herself.
To **** herself inside knowing this would be it.
Thanks to this mistake,
She did.

What a wonderful day , Hearing all the pain from the others
Everytime it think about it, it hurts, feelings are so deep
I wish to become a child again. I miss myself, the moment,
When I was a child seeing my father and mother both love each other,
getting those small things that makes me so happy and not colder,
Just enjoyable days happens as a child that will not happen today

Because today , all the happiest things become confusion
Writing this poem , falling tears , can't find a way or a solution.
Maybe I'm at the breaking point where I don't care about my life anymore,
I just want to end my life , so I can escape from the pain that keeps killing me.

I just want to end this sh*t that makes me more uncomfortable of becoming ME.