I'm fat
I'm ugly
I just can't seem to do anything right
Why can't I look like her?
Why can't I get a guy or girl like him or her?
Why can't I be interesting?
Why can't I be happy?
Why can't I be normal?
Whatever that is
Will I ever be happy?

I want someone around, but I want to be alone at the same time
I want to cuddle up with someone, but I don't want to be touched

Why do I hate being touched?

It's weird
Touching someone
It feels weird
Especially when they touch me
I get aggravated when someone does that
      even angry sometimes

But then I think: who would love a girl who hates herself? How can anyone love a girl who hates herself?
Who would want a girl when she doesn't even want herself? How could they?

They can't

I don't know how to to love myself when all I've done was hate myself
I don't know how to accept myself when all I've been doing was trying to reject it

*How do you change yourself to look beautiful in your own eyes?

Eyes in hues of green and gold
Mesmerizing flecks to which
My gaze was stubbornly fixated

Crimson lover and ebony spirit,
Why did you me so
Hungry and bereft?

We met one cold December hour
And your voice indelibly painted
An awe-inspiring tapestry
Upon the hollow corridors
Of my heart

You said Yes
I remember the very gasp

Even the nuances of your
Angelic voice
I have committed to memory

But nothing cripples your will
Like the magnetic pull
Of a golden-tressed *****

Oh, how you covet,
How you steal and you gorge
You pummeled me down
Into an abyss of no return

But when my ashes are strewn
Across the vast fields
Of God's Heaven

They will not remember me
Or my mangled remains

For I am just another victim
Of your sagacious convictions

A singular pearl
On a long string of beads

So pure but marred
A beauty but scarred

They will admire
And exalt to the skies

They will bellow their song
To the thousands listening

But they will also weep
A funeral march so poignant

Dew drops from their eyes
Awaken the fallen

And with them I rise