The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma

quite opposite to him
but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day,  

and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there
I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself

I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be
What should she wear
How should she talk
When should she wake up
What should she eat
And most important of all
In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all

this is what i am facing
i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind
when i was always taught the opposite
i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are
and I have always followed the opposite

I am expected to change myself
because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu"

And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments
and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family
why??? are we not human beings
Why we are not allowed to dream
Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them
Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing

I dont know who will survive this
this is getting difficult each day

i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes

I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu

I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes

I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me

whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom"
Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever
as per her heart

The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally.
but then what they are getting in return??

what happiness they will get in return
where will this take them ??
Nowhere!!!
they will be left with a person who is  lifeless and colorless

Nobody to hear me screaming
Nobody to see me drowning

This is affecting my inner soul
but who is bothered??
noone!!!

because now that i am married , i am their asset
and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes

Because
"Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.

The state of smoothness and rhythmic flow
The vibe of calmness and dimly glow
The sight of pleasantness and majestic show
The terrifying sound and unfinished piece
Is what it is, the feeling, the unsatisfaction
Even in poetry without no understanding of rhyme and flow
Is when I realized
It is life and how it is
That I will never be fully understood
That I have to live, me and my own mood
Trying to make some senses
From my own little lenses
Where I try to create paradise
Making the unfinished terrifying piece
A melodic heavenly harmony
Soothing to my only ear for my own understanding
That I live this life without any compromises.

It is not that I do not love you
It is not that I do not respect you
It is not that I have made wrong choices
It is not that you do not matter to me
It is not that I must always be isolated
It is not my "imaginary friends" and "voices"

It is that you are way to demanding of me, I have lost a lot of
My most precious dreams, and am only running on empty.
Sorry if this isn't an excuse to you, but you're not me,
"Ones trash is another ones treasure..." or something
Silly like that, thanks to your endless hustling at this time,
*There is no telling when I'll ever be free...