Today was nothing more
than a woeful echo
of my life yesterday.
And the same is true for
every day I have lived
ever since I gave up.

I don’t remember
what led me down this
lonely desolate
path of nihilism,
of self-destruction.

I don’t recall
a time I felt
differently.
Blank mind. Blank walls.

So I wait,
stoic, numb,
as silence

descends
upon

me.

I'm lonliest when my skin touches the bed
I want company most when the pillow cradles my head
I'm most desperate when the lights are low
And the space behind my eyes is blank as snow.

I want to talk more often at night
When all my contacts are asleep till daylight.
I'm impressionable, supple, at the sight of the moon
When all I do wait for the next day's noon.

I want touch more often before dawn
A lover to lay with, to sing disgusting love songs.
I'm more unstable before the sun shines
And I roll in bed to find nothing, expecting one of my kind.

I'm obsessive when the dark of night falls
And I nurture my obsessions as I wait for a call.
I'm irrational, illogical, when the sun's down
I turn my body to the wall and wait for any sound.

I'm at my worst, here in bed, tonight
With no one to hold, to clutch and call mine
I'm broken, shattered, in the moonlight
While the rest of Earth mutters their 'goodnight's

I don't care if you
Throw sticks
Or stones
Or grenades.
You won't hurt me,
I'll pick myself up.

I don't care if you
Call me stupid
Or ugly
Or a failure, a disappointment.  
You won't hurt me,
I'll shut it all out.

I don't care if you
**** a frog
Or rob the bank
Or starve for days.
I won't bat an eyelid,
That's what others' did to me.

I have been made
Cruel and heartless
By this warped, greedy world.

If it won't affect me,
I won't care.