I beg you to not be temporary.
I beg you to be the one with me at 3 am
I beg you to take me seriously
because underneath all the jokes,
the laughter,
your frustration towards me,
I am slowly
gravitating
towards
you
in the most human
and vulnerable
way possible.
I beg you to stay.
I just can’t say it yet
because every time I do,
the opposite occurs
so I’ll write about it.
I’m falling in love
with
you
and
its
stupid.
So please.
I beg you not to run away with my heart.
I beg you to stay
for a while.

as I sat down one day,
I tried to remember you,
to think of you,
to write about you.
I could not form the words that I wanted to say --
the words I wanted you to hear
the words I wanted you to see.

as I sat down one day,
I heard your laugh at the edge of my ears,
I saw the flash of your smile from the corner of my eyes,
I smelled the scent of your hair from the tip of my nose.

I wish I never sat down that one day.
Sadness was what it brought me,
for I can only remember the good in you,
and
I
still
can't
find
myself
for I am lost in the worst part of you.

as I sat down one day,
I remembered,
I disintegrated.

they say time heals all wounds,
but i guess,
i wasn't just wounded,
when i lost you,
for after all this time,
i still bleed for you.

its been a long time,
since i've talked with you
and its been a longer time
since i've had you
near me.

for a while, i thought i was done
with all spectrum of emotions i felt for you.
for a while, i thought i no longer cared.
all those times were all in vain,
for i still miss you,
more than ever.

its all just hitting me now
every bone
every fiber
every nerve of me
is finally absorbing the shock
and
the thought of you,
gone,
and away from me.

i wish you'd come back.
**or rather, i wish i never left

my sweet darling,
this is my confession to you --
to not be with you
to not go out and look for you
is the most difficult challenge
and the hardest form of love
i will ever do.

i lost the other half of my self within you
and i have not been able to get it back
ever since
you and  i
fell apart.

i know you do not want me to seek for you
i know you want me to let you go
and i have, in all the ways i can
but my heart cannot,
my mind cannot set you free
for i bound myself to you and only you
for ages to last.

and though some days i attempt to unchain myself,
it is you,
ultimately,
only you,
and your love --
that can set me free.


if you choose to love me right this time,
and destiny decides to tear us apart,
then i will know --
i shall know,
that you've set me free,
the universe and you,
have set me free.

You want to kiss my lips
Inhale my lightness
Caress my skin
But only at its softest
Hold my hands
When they're not icy cold
You are looking for someone to hold
Someone to be your cure
Without acknowledging you have problems
I want someone to show the world to
Not just sunsets over lakes
But also rigid rocks
That you can cut yourself on if you're not careful enough

He tied an anchor to her
Threw her in the deep end
When she came out with a fear
Of drowning
All they did was ask her
Why she'd go under
If she knew
She wouldn't be able to breathe

I'm not here for small talk
I want to avoid the wave of
okays
and blank faces
I don't wish to drown in
meaningless conversations

How are you?
This isn't a surface level greeting
Dig deeper
How are you feeling?
Is your mind your enemy today?
Or your friend?
Or is there a disconnect, like an acquaintance?

How's the weather today?
I'm not talking outside
I can check that myself
but what is the weather in your head
Is it bland?
Is it nice?
Do you need protection?

Do you like this place?
This physical space
When you fully engage in the world
Do you like it?
What would you change?

What do you like to do?
How do you spend your time?
When the world is crashing down
What helps?

I'm not here for small talk
So don't get alarmed
When I try to get to know you

I still dream of you sometimes
Press snooze
Just ten more minutes
With the idea of you
With the idea I'm not alone
That someone would look at me
With amazement in their eyes
Just ten minutes
Okay?

I'm waiting for leaves to fall off trees
for art to fall at my feet
I'm waiting to wear baggy sweaters
to be wrapped in something cozy
I'm waiting for pumpkin pie
a delicious treat
I'm waiting for sipping on hot tea
my liquid warmth
I'm waiting for Autumn

What does the color remind you of
The color red?
It reminds me of something
I miss
Something I can't have
and something I can't be
it's hard because the color is so pretty
Why must it remind me of you?
Why does everything
remind me of you