if i tried to recall
the number of times
you made me smile,
i would lose track,
because i would remember
the number of times
you made me laugh.

if i tried to name
all the things you said
that made me blush,
i would lose the thought,
because i would remember
all the things you said
that made me cry.

if i tried to think of
a single time
you made me unhappy,
i would forget,
because i would remember
all the times
you made me feel worthwhile.

sometimes i wonder
how i would have turned out
if you didn't decide that i was worthless.
would i be the person i am today?

would i still be wandering
lost around my own house
in a drugged up daze,
blood dripping from my wrist?

would you still ignore
all the ashes on my carpet
and the bottles and baggies
making a rug of their own?

would you still bring me
the things that i ask for
even though you see
what they are making me into?

would you still turn away
when i shove my arms in your face
forcing you to see
my feelings in the flesh?

suddenly, i realize that i am glad
you decided i was not worth your time
because you only made me
into a shell of who i was

not who i am now.

if i was the rain,
then he was the storm.
but when life was cold,
you were the warm.

he was cunning and charming.
a boy made of dynamite.
nothing is out of reach
once it is in his sight.

his pull is strong
and he loved me like a firework.
his display was a beauty
and he lorded it over you with a smirk.

but when the last bang sounded,
the show was done.
just like a sparkler,
a million pieces came from one.

a burnt, discarded thing
lying on the ground.
he had his fun.
he didn't need me around.

but you, you found me.
through the ashes
you saw my spark
and my soul, bright in flashes.

he burnt me out.
you made me shine.
you saved me from the debris.
you called me "mine."