I am still so in love with the person I thought you could be that I forgot to fall in love with who I've become without you.

I can not describe how good it feels to fall asleep in your arms.
But I will try to anyways...
Sleeping next to you is what I imagine death will be like.
Now I know that sounds harsh, but think of it this way.
Whenever I lay next to you, my heartbeat slows down bit by bit.
My eyes close and my mind finally stops running.
I feel safe and loved and that's how I would want my death to be.
But sleeping next to you is also very dangerous.
It is like an addiction to me.
Because everytime I sleep next to you, it gets harder to fall asleep on my own.

You were the sunshine in my hair,
My seasonal love affair.

The sweet idea of no consequences,
Would constantly tease and tickle my senses.

But the raging storm was imminent,
And I couldn't help but get lost in it.

We were left stranded,
sitting there.

Bruised,

Broken,

Scarred,

Bare.

His words, thick like honey,
Danced on the breeze
And sung sweet melodies
To drifting passerby.
Their timid laughs tainting the moment
With an innocent,
Yet malicious tenor.
"Just between you and me,"
You smiled as you intertwined
Your little finger with mine.

Sitting on hallowed pews,
Fighting the insuperable desire
To let my leaden head
Fall into the wake of sleep,
Bobbing in and out of consciousness.

My faith is not something strengthened
By these monotones, memorized traditions.
Wasn't it He who asked us to set ourselves apart,
To not just go through the motions.

Floating in serene waters,
Expression soft,
Mind at peace and exulted up in prayer,
This rememberance of Your omnipotent love.
This feeling of awe and wonder.
This is faith for me.

Girls push past me

Stylish combat boots

Finding basement stairs 

Tight pants, low-cut shirts

And straightened hair.

Their mascara-ed eyes scan and skip

The spot where I stand.
But I’m grateful for

The lack of acknowledgement. 

If their eyes lit up on me

I would freeze

My shoulders would scrunch

And the words they would throw

In my direction

Would meet brick wall. 

All I would reverberate

Is a hesitating smile

Accompanied by unsure eyes.
My brain just isn’t taking small talk tonight.

And I will never understand 

Why cursory conversation

Slaps me in the face
like a 
20 step algebraic equation.

The truth is:

I don’t care what you thought of that math test

I wanna know what you think 
of trees in the fall.

I don’t care what your tweet was about.

I wanna know why you 
were on twitter
at 4 am

on a school night.

I don’t care how your boyfriend is.
I wanna know where you stand with god. 

I don’t care
where you got your dress,

how much you studied,

or if you dyed your hair.

What makes you cry at night?

Have you ever felt insane?

Do you believe in soul mates? 

What do you think about the moon?

Which song are you embarrassed to know all the words to?
And do you ever worry that your mom isn’t proud of you?

I just find that

It’s so much easier

To talk to people

When they’re actually

saying something.

Church.
State.
Body.
Mind.
"Nobody gets left behind."
Toxic youth brain-washed by games
Adults around them carelessly play.
Success bartered for our souls
Briefcase in hand, your flesh still cold.
Air-brushed, white-teethed
In the mirror we hope to see.
The pressure builds, we're prescribed,
Church.
State.
Body.
Mind.
"Nobody gets left behind."