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Sannie Oct 2016
The moment I walk out of my bedroom, I smell the unmistakable odor of alcohol. I could pick this smell out of a hundred other smells, this one would always stick out. It’s not only alcohol though.  It’s the mix of a thousand cigarettes that have been put out in an empty beer bottle, and the vague savor of last night’s junk food. Probably pizza, but it could have been fries and I wouldn’t have known.

I’m trying to find a place on the kitchen counter where I can put my glass on. It takes some shoving dishes, but there it is, 4 inches of a dusted counter where I can pour myself a drink. I open the fridge, and try to find some juice in between the bottles of beer and cheap wine. Just as I’ve found the last bottle of apple juice, half empty and almost gone bad,  daddy comes out of his bedroom. His hair stood up as if he was Johnny Bravo, and if only the resemblance stopped there… Daddy stumbles his way to the couch and lets himself fall onto it with a loud ‘thud’. ‘Good morning princess.’ he says. ‘Good morning daddy,’ I reply. ‘Did you sleep well? And how is your head, does it still hurt?’. But it was like talking to a wall, daddy was already snoring on the couch, radiating so much alcohol that I could have gotten drunk just from standing there.

I always thought it was a wonder that our couch hadn’t collapsed yet. It was old, and had so much creaks in the leather you’d think it was a pattern. In the middle there was a dent, right in the place where daddy falls asleep. He’s actually way too tall to be lying on a couch that small, but it’s all that fit in his little mobile home. Right across it was an old big tv, which was only used to check the 8 pm weather, and put on his favorite music dvd. There was also a kind of fancy chair, but most times my brother already claimed it. When you lean back, there appears this little thing where you can lay your feet on.

I knew this chair must has come with the mobile home itself, it’s a pretty expensive chair. But with this chair taken too, all I can do is get a chair from our little square dining table to enjoy my apple juice as a 2pm breakfast.
I'm sorry this is more of a story than a poem, but I thought I'd share it anyways.
Sannie Jun 2016
Is it possible, that maybe I am just off beat?
Somehow, I always seem to fall behind.
I always miss out on the good things, get stuck in the bad things.

People always say; '' You know, a while ago I actually liked you. Not anymore tho. "
They tell me ; " At first I really wanted to friends with you, but things happened and I decided not to."


Without even knowing, people consider me.  And shove me away right at the moment I am aware of it.

How am I supposed to feel confident, when people only tell me how they feel after the real feelings are already gone?
Sannie Jun 2016
YOU are what my mind is craving.
YOU are not what my body wants.
YOU are what makes my heart flutter.
YOU are making my feelings go WOOSH

but

I am not what you need right now.
I am not even close to crossing your mind.
I am not the one to save you.
I am not what'll make your heart go WOOSH

So as long as YOU and I are no WE.
What is the point of us then?
Sannie Jun 2016
his
how did it become that she was sad,
for his ache.
how did her legs move for his,
and her feet tremble.
just like her lightweighted heart,
whom felt heavy in her chest.
but like a feather stroking his.

how did she become his,
and just him too.
not even a person anymore,
just a vessel.
his vessel.
his mind.
over 2 bodies.
Sannie Jun 2016
many years ago, we met two of them.
they were very much alike, but not enough.
you said they'd change along.

but they did not, and you did.
got me stuck between them.
until we were very much alike, but not enough.
you said we'd change along.

but we did not.
Sannie Jun 2016
my/
my heart can't handle it.

my mind can't carry it.

my body can't survive it.

whilst,

his promises won't make it.

his words won't do it.

his feelings won't BE it.
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