you told me you loved me the best  when I was at my most vulnerable stage,
so I put you between my thighs,
and let you love me as hard as you could.

You're a hickey on my neck,
bruised and red,
marking your territory,
refusing to fade.

No swallow of a prescribed pill,
no inhale of sickly sweet nicotine,
no drowned shot glass,
will make me forget the pain that latched its way onto my skin
when you left without a warning.

your body is my coffin
and I wouldn't mind being buried six feet under

my favorite sound is the sound of the sharp intake of breath you take,
as my lips move from yours to the outline of your collarbone and lower,
tracing every inch of you as if you're a map and my mouth is the pen,
just finding another route to travel on.

who knew turning seventeen meant losing another best friend to drugs.

who knew another birthday meant losing another best friend just because finding the next high was more important that I ever was.

who knew the older I get the more people leave me without saying goodbye.

I'm sorry I fell too hard.
I'm sorry you refuse to meet me.
I'm sorry all my friends leave me just for another high.
I'm sorry my parents fight all the time.
I'm sorry I can't say no, but the one time I do, it's disobeyed and thrown back into my face.
I'm sorry I didn't like him because I was concerned for your safety.
I'm sorry you're too stubborn to realize that.
I'm sorry I'm too stubborn to let go.
I'm sorry I was always there for you when you weren't there for me.
I'm sorry I keep disappointing everyone I meet.
I'm sorry no one understands that I can't be alone anymore.
I'm just so **** sorry.