Mother birds throw up there food to feed their young, who am i trying to feed when I empty myself?

'If you are fat then what am I?'
No you are mistaken
I do not see others as measurements
that is something I hold to myself
I need to loose weight
for the achievement
for control
for me to feel mentally stable
I need not hear about how
'it's not attractive to be that thin'
because I don't give a ****

I am conflicted,
I am uncertain,
to long,
or despise
the infamous day,
when 'things will get better'

I planted a seed of hatred inside of me,
Hoping it would grow,
Hoping the roots would be the beginning of the end,
To the repetitive thud in my chest