The long stretches
When I thought I acted most freely,
Is when I most lacked passion;
For the instant of liberation
Cannot be repeated.

i'm not proud to say
i'm 85 lbs
that's not much of a girl
but i remember
when being 85 lbs
was all i ever wanted
when i craved a flat stomach
thin wrists
a gap between my thighs so wide
when i spent my days
filling my belly with water and air
taking lunches to school
but not eating them
instead tossing them in the trash because the smell of fresh fruit
made me sick
when i look in the mirror
i see the ghost and skeleton of a girl
who's in recovery
and i'm disgusted
85 lbs
is not much of a girl
i remember when all i wanted
was to be smaller, smaller
when i was 80 i wanted to be 75
75 wasn't enough so i kept purging til i hit 70
70 wasn't enough
65 wasn't enough
nothing would ever be enough
0 would never be enough
-10 would never be enough
i remember when they forced needles into my papery skin
i remember when 80 was enough for me to keep my life
and i remember
when i decided
i would always be enough

Nothing but nice,
I don't usually think twice,
Fire fuels my soul not ice,
Sorry but I took the last slice,
Happiness has no price,
Risk gives your life some spice,
Don't pass up rolling the dice,
....but HEYY...that's just my advice
You never know how effective words are, they're a stealthy device

We were the same,
Crazy but tame.
Took nothing to numb our pain,
We ran through the rain.

But we crashed.

You now have guy,
Who gets drunk and high.
You love him and although you are losing time,
You've got this sorta mirror where you can hide.

But I know that you will crash.

Met a girl from around here,
She somewhat reminds me or you my dear.
Except, like that trash that you surely don't fear,
She been on drugs and happiness for years.

But I know that we too will crash.

See the irony? Because it's blinding me,
We split apart to find the same missing piece.
One that does all the stuff we don't allow ourselves to seize.
A guide to the fun chaotic college life that we both think we need.

But we both know we will crash together.

They both stood admiring the Christmas lights
Staring lovingly into the evening sky.
He was wearing rather fetching woollen tights
And she was beginning to wonder the reason why.

He put on his false white beard
And tried to slip on some massive black boots.
She has guessed and it was what she had feared
He did have some strange whacky persuits.

Meanwhile she had slipped into a little costume
She had decided to dress like her friend Frilly Mary
She had found a feather boa in her bedroom
And she fancied herself as a Fairy.

“Good grief, look at her, she has a wand”
He had become quite hot.
He dipped his foot in the pond
And considered his position and what he’d got

“Now why would she want to be dressed like that”
She has more lights on her wings than the tree.
He knew he could definitely smell a rat
“And I can sniff, oh yes, that is me.”

She tiptoed over and guessed straight away
“You are Santa Claus are you not”
“Come on, where have you parked the sleigh”
Now he had gone a funny shade of hot.

“I could easily ask you about your attire”
He mounted his high horse.
It was like adding oil to a fire
And let nature run it’s course.

They had a bit of a set to
And they both thought they could hear ringing.
They were bells and quite a few
And they could hear children singing.

They both realised the magic day had come
Christmas carols and everywhere was lit up.
“care to join me in the fun”
She did and to that he raised his sherry cup.