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 Feb 2015 lost in thought
JD
Mirror
 Feb 2015 lost in thought
JD
Is there anything else to blame
when you finally look at yourself?
 Jan 2015 lost in thought
Hinata
Ever since I was a little girl, I saw things no one saw.
I always looked at the world with awe.
I saw the beauty in people who weren't loved,
In every ******, outcast, and victim.
I was isolated from the world,
For I was merely a girl.
While girls liked dolls and wanted to be Daphane from ****** doo,
I wanted to be Velma and do what all the boys wanted to do.
I robe my bike around my yard,
Even though I would fall on the rocks and hit the pavement really hard.
I had little friends,
I was weird to no end.
I tried to be normal,
I tried to catch up to the people.
However, they didn't see me,
I would just be left all lonely.
I hated elementary,
They only reminded me of being lonely.
I wanted to leave,
I wanted to be free.
I remember that wish as I hung out at the swings,
How I wished that I had wings.
I wanted escape the oppression of my school and home,
I wanted a real friends and I hoped.
Boys were always first.
At home, it was not different, they were the worst.
My older sister said that I had everything that I wanted,
That I was a spoiled brat and unwanted.
My older brother would push me and grab me by the arm,
Saying that I was in the way, causing even more harm.
My mom sided with them,
She only didn't want to get in trouble from HIM.
My dad,
The core of troubles, the only one I can't stand.
Always putting boys first,
Teaching us girls that our job was to cater to them and worst.
We had no say,
We had to do everything he wants in order to stay.
I found no beauty in the family,
It was rotten to the core, it was greedy.
I was hoping that they would see the things that I see,
Stop the nightmares from my closet from coming after me.
I wished they stopped arguing,
I wished they were a real family.
I had no escape,
I didn't even have my own dreams to escape.
I was haunted by nightmares and arguments,
I wanted them all to end.
I would watch a monster from my closet **** everyone near me,
Coming after me.
No one listened,
I was mistaken.
I grew older and eventually stopped pretending,
I shut myself in my walls and shielding.
In the 3rd grade, I stopped wearing pink,
I stopped listening.
I hid behind a frown,
I stopped chasing after the ones who weren't around.
I became an adult when I was young,
I didn't even have a childhood to be proud of.
I couldn't stop seeing beauty,
But I refused to be a victim to their cruelty.
I was an empty shell of a innocent girl,
A young soul who saw the beauty in the world.
I had kept this charade for a couple of years,
Then my wall started to get cracks and tears.
I remember people who saw me,
I remember the ones who became my friends and, later, family.
They finally came,
They finally saw me for who I am and didn't want me to change.
My walls took heavy fire,
It was weakening more than I had desired.
I was scared,
What if they didn't really care?
We went on to high school,
Still friends from middle school.
Then he came into my life,
Putting an end to my shell to hide.
My love came and pulled me out of my shell,
Promising freedom from this hell.
I couldn't believe it,
I didn't think that I was getting what I wished.
My angel with black and red wings,
He's finally come to save me.
They came to save me,
My friends and my real family.
I think I need to fall in love
with a poet.
So that maybe all the words
and all the hurt won’t always be mine.
I need to fall in love with a poet
so that he will whisper words
that sound better than stories and
don’t need to last as long.
I want to be the one to fall in love
with a poet.
He can make me feel something
so that all the love and the futures
won’t always come from another. And I
will write stories about us
in another world with better lives
where poetry will be sung from
the love, which dies so poetically
and I will know that I loved
a poet.
Drowning,
Deep down,
Flooding inside,
Facing life,
Feeling as if I had no say,
And feeling as if I had no life,
Drowning,
Deep Down,
No feelings inside,
Nor the outside,
Broken,
Physically,
Mentally,
Emotionally,
Drowning,
Dee­p Down,
It's all coming to an end,
Scars,
And more scars,
Inside and out,
No one to save me,
No one to help,
Drowning,
Deep down,
My wrist are flooding,
My brain is exploding,
And it's all simply about to come to an end,
Drowning,
Deep down,
No feeling in my body,
No feeling in my life,
Is there a meaning in being alive,
Drowning,
Deep down..
#how #I #Feel
She's hopefully despairing, insanely sane,
But I lovingly hate contradictions.
sighs
i.
forehead kisses;
flannel covered embraces.

ii.
funny how a such a simple act
made me so intoxicated, yet it seems natural.

iii.
the nature of these feelings has nothing to do with
butterflies in my stomach, but maybe a whole flock of birds.

iv.
I can feel my heartbeat in my throat, my face is flushed,
going faster than any hummingbirds, whether inside me, or in my head.

v.
so warm, so promising, so deadly--
fleeting moments like this make me wonder
why I bother trying to breathe around you.
Strawberry blond
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