I've been trying to pull everything apart
the echo of your steps down the lonesome corridor
the soft touch of your fingers as they twirl my hair
the soft voice you used to sing in
the scent of you on my clothes
every memory in every place
everything leads to you
but no matter how hard I pull and pull
every memory comes snapping back
every time I come so close to pulling you all out
pulling pulling
all the kisses and hugs
all the scents and sounds and sorrow
can't seem to go away

You've haunted me,
left me to wail and cry
to no end
no mercy
there's nothing I can do
nothing that will ease my pain
you're gone...
you're gone...

nothing seems right
the colors don't fit the tone
the melody doesn't fit the song
everything is spinning out and out
no end to it
no end to the constant pain
that sneaks into every little crevice it can find
and if there are no more
it'll crack and break you open
like a ******* pistachio
and seep through
ooze into every part of you
until you are nothing more than a corpse
filled with gooey black
mess and sorrow and agony and pain
oh the pain it never goes away
it shows too much
you can never keep it inside
it'll always find a way to dissipate
show itself
so prideful, tell them all that
you've been able to consume another victim
able to corrode away the inside and make it
it's new home.

That's all it ever wanted anyways.
A home;
isn't that all we ever want?

The mind is a septic tank.
Either, you let the filth sit there, stinking,
Or, you get yourself *****, cleaning.

Today I stood
and watched
as the smoke wafted up into the air
away and away
and all I could think of was
how much it hurt to see
something so bad for you
drifting away slowly
yet I want that high
I miss that high you gave me...

You were so fleeting,
I couldn't get enough of you ever.
I ate you up,
swallowed you whole,
and when you had enough,
all that taking and taking
never able to give you enough
you were done.

Everything's a ******* square.
My journal.
The rich kid crackers.
My pillows, safe as they are.
Some are seam-stretched,
manipulated by a team of God and tired hands
a more desirable something,
thrown away just the same.
My parents.
My head.
The entire visionary sidewalk-gray sky,
as down is up for most, my neck associated with.
It wraps itself a ballooned cube, square faces
to be pinned over themselves by shapely oceans and unwitting gulls.
******* annoying gulls.
I fed one a firework once
the kind you throw at your sister and it pops on her
and she cries, illogical from her eye sockets in
steeped in the terror of the 9/11 on her swimsuit.
Snatched, exploded
Feathery tears rained,
a little less illogical.
I'm vegetarian now.
No relation.

hangover guides me home again.
old news spews through
the screens all around me.
lies are subjective
and time is a flat circle.

we are somewhere near the eye of the storm.

high ground is the sure plan to suffer so
save yourself by submitting to flood.
mirrors reveal your fastest escape plan.
clouds are coming no matter how hard
you blow back, so all you can hope for is snow.

we are somewhere near the eye of the storm.

Love is glamorous ,
Love is alluring,
Love is beautiful,
Love is attractive,
Love is elegant,
Love is stylish,
Love is charming,
Love is charismatic,
Love is fascinating,
Love is intriguing,
Love is enchanting,
Love is irresistible,
Love is seductive,
Love is lovely.

she came onto the car today
head bowed, shoulders hunched
holding what looked like the world for her
as everyone looked away and barred themselves
for things they were too busy to hear,
too insignificant for their time

with a deep breath
she started
slowly gaining strength and power through her words
showing the words out of her mouth on to
the bare ***** subway floor
spreading them almost like a disease bring for sustenance
because thats what everyone thought she was
a parasite, a mere annoyance
nothing more

so when she spoke of repent
and saving i listened as she bore her eyes through me
and looked into me
and spoke of the things to be wary of
as i cast my eyes down and looked away
ashamed

bear your sins,
be free of their binding
she preached;
escape their cage, their imprisonment
and be free