Sad and stubborn is a bad combination
I need some pain and medication
I feel to much, I'm too sensitive
My parents could they ever forgive
**** all my friends real, paid, or digital
Sometimes I feel too visible
But most of the time I'm miserable
Two things I'll always be unoriginal and unforgivable
My stupid hair is my only quality
Ill shave it all off just for the equality
My mind is cluttered
I always end up **** hurt
Shifting blame to myself
I need to learn to ask for help
But being sad and stubborn
Will surely make me suffer

I need a full body cast to amend my past
Keeps me from taking my own life
Suicide felt like the only way to make it right
It's been 2 years I still feel gone
23 should have never seen past 21
It's just a game, something I didn't want to play
Following through would have made everything okay
It wouldn't really have, I shouldn't have lied
It would leave behind a huge mess
And I would be dead still feeling regret
I need a full body cast to amend my past

It’s been a month now and my personality is busting at the seems
I’m falling apart and this is where I start to lose you I think
It’s so rob so very classic rob
Why can’t he stop
He can’t hold it together
I don’t think he’s getting better
She’s got super human eyes
She can see right through my guise
We have been hanging out having a fun time
But I don’t think she wants to be mine
And it happens every time
I’ll freak out and lose my mind
Have to say everything’s fine
Even though I’m dying on the inside
Hope my homies ain’t catch me crying
Cause I’d be lying if I told them everything was just alright

I miss you Brandon my first death that really hit me
It'll be five years in October since you left me
Alone in a world were you had a plan had it all figured out
I didn't know what I wanted to do, yet god took me away from you
You had the future in your hand I remember you sitting with our teaching devising a plan
Working and doing school 4 years til grad
What college and what course now just a buried corpse
Didn't shed a tear at your burial, but every year after you memorial I cry thinking of what could be
You were doing good in college unlike me
Barely struggling to find a degree
I remember late September you took a break to come visit me
Smoking **** and watching TV you said you believed in me
I was failing a college, the one where you wanted to be
Working your *** off while I fail my random degree
Serving tables to make the loans appease, never needed either not for me
Incredibly blessed by my parents and your presence
All your effort and yet god took you away from me
Didn't know I had all this de-welled up in me, fiver years later i can write it to be free
Brandon R**n you were a treat I'm so glad we could meet become good friends until that semi took a piece of me
Finally meet your girlfriend can't believe we lost her
The two of you were meant to be I’m sure
Good men die too early
So I guess you were no different really
But surely you had more to give us here on earth
Losing you has been the worse

Think about you the whole month of October

You called me at 2 a.m. to ask if I was in bed
you knew the answer but you went ahead
and asked about my day
and if I missed your face
I was stirred awake by your call
not answering what i felt like breaking the law
baby girl I'm sorry I hurt you
I didn't mean to do your wrong
it's just i haven't been seeing you too long
and I'm starting to lose focus
just spending the night together
just us we slip into conversation
and I don't need to worry about the dedication
needed to pay attention
wish you were in my city
girl come get your affection
it needs collecting

Got notification, them ***** go straight to my phone
Didn't mean to bother you thought you wanted to be alone
I meant it when I said I wanted you in my life
But in between I met someone who’s been so nice
She's the better me and that's something I strive to be
Like calm down it's not about you now
With this new girl, and she don't make me doubt
******* and your twitter cry-outs and clout
I wasn't playing when I was saying
I think this new one is worth saving

I measure each year as it goes
by how much I can tell my grandmother
did I learn a lot
did I change
did I fall
she'll want to hear it all
this year's no different been a good one with a lot to tell
but my grandmother slipped and fell
now I got no one to share the stories of me and my love affairs
this year was a lot
learned a language
change locations
picked up a girl
I swear grandma this year's been a whirl
changed so much only getting better
coming home to tell you is the only thing that matters
I'll never truly change I'll always be your grandson