My heart may be black, and I may exhale corruption, but these scars aren't on my eyes.
This is only the introduction,
To where my future lies.

I wanna feel normal
content
what I'm supposed to feel - beside you

beside you
shaking
I don't want to feel your rough hands
attacking mine

but, beside you
I do,
and the minutes between your goodbye & your hello
I'm wondering
where I went wrong

and months later
if I'm sitting alone
safe, I'll still feel your strength
terrorizing mine
because you've become
the voice inside my head

beside you
I've lost all control

his life was admirable.
you could tell what he wanted in life and what he wanted was so bold he couldn't quite reach it,
just as he could not reach the top shelf at the age of 6 years old.

at 6 years old he was adventurous and curious.
realizing that he could climb on his kitchen counter and take whatever he needed from the top shelf which he would do as he pleased.



at 17 years old he reached for my heart on the top shelf.
at 17 years old he climbed on the counter of my soul and took my heart.
which he did as he pleased.


at 17 years old i left my heart on the bottom shelf in reach.
so easily taken and put back but always missing something when returned.



at 17 years old my heart was left on his top shelf.



at 17 years old my heart was left to be stabbed by the other hearts which were taken and returned in time.


at 17 years old, my kitchen was empty.

living yesterday
on tomorrows ****
is no way to do much
with the time inbetween
what comes next will be painful
but nothing hurts in your sleep
and yet I still choose to wake up
from that other reality
to live this daydream
while awaiting patiently
my turn at eternity

don't pick
it's not good for the ones that are trying to heal
and i'm sick of all the blood
you don't have to bother hiding them anymore
everyone already knows
when you hear that you ex is cutting now
and you tug on your sleeve
it is okay
it is not your fault
you did not teach her this
when the girl you love shies away from the mess you left on your skin
it is okay
she is allowed to react
when your mother turns away with teary eyes
it is okay
she still loves you
when you regret the scars
it is okay
just remember that the next time you pick up a knife