Life is fun but isn't fair
Life is a force that doesn't care
It does not tend to the wound or protect the weak
It is a source that cannot speak
But it can show and it can tell
It is where light shines and darkness dwells
A mixture of all but is never just one
Like I said, life is fun!

It washed away, just like the impossible dreams of a child....

Quick with silver
Slash of red
Upon the floor
They lie dead
Killed by fear
Though they tried
Their screams I still hear
For I watched them die
My hands are stained with sin
Though I can't recall it all
I knew where I had been
And I knew who was to fall
They tried to control a power they will never forget
A power that had won
A power I regret
Their fear caught within their eyes
Their pale figures drained of their soulful lies
They pressed their luck when they pulled the chains
Nothing left of them but blood stains
Goodbye all, I wish you farewell
For you may be next, only time will tell....

Crimson colored lips stain a pale and sickened face
Upon her heart is the word ‘disgrace’
Shunned for her sins, loved for her flaws
Loved in a sense of voice, but her physical form unleashes claws
Eyes are like dagger, harsh against her skin
Too many judgemental stares, too many wonder where she has been
Fighting a battle within she tried to walk tall.
Making herself false promises about how it would get better, how she could end it all.
All the pain and suffering, all the hate and rage.
But what kind of fool believes they could break a steel cage?
Steel does not bend, nor does it break.
She should have stayed silent, she should have kept low for her own sake.
But she spoke up, seared by her own pain.
Now the truth was unleashed, and it left a cruel blood stain.
Not her own blood, but that of an old friend.
She’d never forgive herself for not being there for him in the end.
The last words whispered were that of a fight.
Echoing like screams all through the night….
That one moment changed it all.
She lost her wings and was destined to fall.

If only our words were weapons and a shield....

RUN!
The girl's legs gave in beneath her, her hand releasing her wounded side
RUN!!!!
Then came a screech
"No!"
Came the cry of a petrified mother
"Kiersten!!!"
A family howled in unison as they rushed to the side of the fallen girl
silence
Blood eased from her body and onto the floor showing she was no more
silence
Devastated looks, glossed over eyes, pale and horrified faces grew in numbers
They're here...*
Came sirens with police, ambulance in close pursuit, but they're too late
darkness
I still hear them, but I see them no more, it looks like I have truly died
no more senses*
I can't believe I actually went through with suicide.....

Pale and heartless was my last man
If anyone could break me, I know he still can
I watched as it was my own heart he began to shred
Loving him is like loving the dead
I began to fear and lost my love for him
Our future in which he described "was beginning to grow dim"
He believed in taming the beast, but he did not succeed
For he was bested by his own greed
Not studying the beast he went for its heart
But you can't hunt a creature if you don't know where to start.
You need to know the beast if you wish to attack.
And intelligence seemed to be what he lacked.
Like I said, trying to love him is like loving the dead
And now I lay within my tear soaked bed.
Ill of a broken heart I hate to say that I cry
I sob because I still wonder why
Why is his heart so dead inside?
Why was it that I decided to hide?
From his undesirable love in which he attempted to express
I mean he did at least try to make progress
But you can't just simply shock something back to life
If we could how many men would bring back their wife?
Would he bring me back if I were shot with a gun?
I need to stop thinking of it for he and I are done....

I found a love I cannot have
I found a love in which I want so bad
I found a love so pure inside
I found a desire I wish to hide

A shot at love is so hard to obtain
A shot at love is nothing easy to gain
A shot at love is so easy to destroy
I wish my love was worth more than a useless toy

He said to me with widened eyes
He said to me a bunch of lies
He said to me in a voice more bubbly and sweet than Fanta
That my true name is Romanta

This name means that of a broken heart
This name means I have no place to start
This name means I will never find true love
So now I wonder if this name is something I can rise above

Is it true I will never feel a sense of safety in the arms of a man?
Is it true that this name is the truth in which I've been ******?
Is it true my heart is eternally shattered, never to be mended?
Is it because this is what he has commanded?

I won't let my heart be shattered
I won't let my life not matter
I won't let myself give up hope
I'm not letting go of life's rope!

I will hold on for dear life
I will never again cut with that knife
I will give myself a life in which happiness will find me
I am not bound, I am setting myself free!

So let the memories of him fade
So let my life turn a different shade
So let it be when I see his face, the day I do not see a person I know
For the look and memory of him, I shall let go

Everyone has a dream
But it is the ones who know the pain of reality that make their dreams true....

I wish this was over, I wish that this was a dream
But, reality is never as kind as it seems
Bringing someone into my life that can actually make me smile
Then taking him away after a little while.
An angel so perfect, who truly loved me.
Released me from his hands and set me free.
All because he had to leave, fly to another place.
I wish I had wings so it would be possible to chase
That dream I had waited for since I can remember
My hero whom I met in December.
But now I am saved, and on he must go, leaving my side with a tear in his eyes
I can't believe this crushing experience, unsure where my heart now lies.
Ripped from my chest, I would offer it to him, if it wasn't lost.
I'd attempt to get him back at whatever cost!
California is not the place for him to be,
Because even he said he belongs with me.

Desire is a wicked type of magic
It burns within my soul and makes me feel sick.
I hate that it pulls me into this trance
Sometimes making me happy enough to dance
But results of desire are more likely to come out empty handed
Then give a love in which every person has once demanded
Yet there are those times that make you sing like a bird
Cause your wish has been granted as others have heard
You look so nice with that lover of yours
But no one see what happens behind closed doors
Desire begins to break, love begins to fall
And you must stand in the middle of it all
You watch your partner leave and feel the awful ache in your heart
Once again you are left torn apart
For desire is not as great as it may seem
It's not for a world of reality it is only that in which you may dream
So open your eyes, don't give into desire
For it will burn you if you play with fire

I wonder constantly as I sit alone
About the things inside me that have been shown
The foul feelings of compassion in which I wish to hide
The love may be gone but my lust has not died.
Lex now hates me, so do you.
No need to deny it, my family does too.
Everyone I know hides their disgust behind kind smiles.
For such disappointment follows me for miles.
Tear up this beating monstrosity locked within this withered bone cage.
Unlock the hinges upon my mind and allow the full force of my rage
Cut the strings in which control my life
Or I shall cut them with the blackened blade of death’s knife

In my dreams I see her face
With each stride I see her beauty and grace
When she passes through the hall
I feel my heart begin to fall
I know when she looks at me
That's as close as we will ever be
It's been one dark year
And the more I follow her the more I fear
My heart will break when she's gone cause she never saw my love
I wish I could ask the skies above
Why memories of her can't be real
And why she can't feel the way I feel
But I guess I'll just have to let her pass
Cause hopefully my love for her won't be a love that lasts.....

Sleep, here take these pills
Never gonna sleep again
Go to bed, close your eyes and you will eventually begin to dream
That's a lie, I have tried it all, counting sheep, warm milk, even running till I could not run any further, yet no sleep has come to me nor will it ever
You need to sleep, if we must, we'll take you to a hospital**
Go ahead, strap me down, see if I will rest, cause once I do, I won't wake up and I will have died upon that bed. Just another tragic tale of my insomnia once again. Except this time, my story ends.

Echoing screams are no louder than soft whispers when drowned out beneath a mouth full of cotton.
Once, a heart with a shell of gold had been chipped away to show the ****** beating interior beneath in which is now rotten.
A kind smile that once danced across the lips of a warm hearted angel reflects in a broken china doll.
A dear young child who had her dreams crushed and had been taken away from it all.
A cold blade glistened brightly against the pale color of the room.
How was this young angel supposed to know her cry for help would lead her to her doom.
A broken heart is one, the shattering of her heart is another.
So many new types of pain is what she would soon discover.
It was such a lonely day in which was mine.
The kind of loneliness that puts together a work of pain and agony that is so divine.
This day is one that should have been banned….
This day is one I cannot stand
So let the lies slip through the teeth of trusted guides
And see the crimson that creeps beneath the one door in the house in which misery hides.
For lies do more than rip the heart, they take innocence and soil it to its core.
A beautiful young angelic soul exists in this child no more.

Father please forgive me
I had to break free from the pain and agony
Now that I’ve done what I have to
Remember, I will always love you
I’m your child….

Little boy, talking so mean…
Come face the fire, and you’ll never be seen

I killed! (After midnight)
I ran (A few miles)
He died (it was a big fight)
I was numb! (For a while)
He screamed!(I won’t give up)
In pain! (I won the last hit)
My god (His soul won’t shut up)
I killed your other child….

“I can’t stand you here!”
“You make momma cry in fear”
“It’s not your voice I want to hear!”
That’s when he cried one last tear….

Little brother, playing so *****
I’ll destroy your mind, your blood’s so pretty….

I killed! (After midnight)
I ran (A few miles)
He died (it was a big fight)
I was numb! (For a while)
He screamed!(I won’t give up)
In pain! (I won the last hit)
My god (His soul won’t shut up)
I killed! (After midnight)
I ran (A few miles)
He died (it was a big fight)
I was numb! (For a while)
He screamed!(I won’t give up)
In pain! (I won the last hit)
My god (His soul won’t shut up)
I killed your other child….

Look into their eyes, what do you see?
When I look at them, I see me
Maybe that is because they are my art and mine shall they stay
For each of my girls are my memories being washed away

Expressed in worlds not seen by people in their minds
Maybe because when I think, my creativity unwinds
It is my escape from this dull reality of nothing but white wall
For my worlds on cardboard, paper, and canvas gets rid of it all

I see a life of adventure and happiness
Feelings in my life which I forcefully suppress
Each girl is happy with her marks so unique
Each girl is more like a tiger but in reality people are like sheep

I want to be my ghost girls for they let their colors shine
Each one of their happy faces are quite real and divine
That’s the secret behind the happiness I seek, they are what I wish to be
For like I said, each of my ghost girls hold a little happy piece of me

Until I can be a ghost girl myself, I will draw more genuine beautiful girls of my dreams
For that is my only happiness it seems
I don’t find happiness in doing things, you’ve got it all wrong
I find happiness in being a tiger, an individual girl with a heart that is strong

My hair as my pelt, piercings as stripes
Until that day comes, there is more to draw and more to type
So awaiting in the dull room of white
I suppose it is the ghost girls stories I should write

I’ve never been much of a person. So many mistakes I have already made.
And it is quite too obvious, that no one would care if I was to fade.
My effort may be all I have, but it is not enough.
There so many diamonds that need work, but I’m that rock who’s in the rough.
Everything I do is never going to be accepted, not even at my best.
So tonight I take a knife in hand and put my soul to rest.
Often am I told I’m much more morbid than I seem.
But who are you to judge me, when we both chase a different dream.
Both our lives are so much different, yet they are the same.
Neither world is perfect nor are they made for us to tame.
So why am I a failure when somehow you know how to strive?
Because you may know how to fly through the sky but when the bomb hits, I know how to dive.

Who are you with your fictitious smile and your blood stained teeth?
Hiding a back stabbing dagger beneath a pitiful sheath….
The condescending words from your sharpened tongue will one day end your ignorant gloat
For one’s sharpened tongue can cut their own ****** throat
A spawn of hell, a being of Lucifer himself
A man not interested in true love, but lust and wealth
Greed is a sin more deadly than others, for it will drive you to **** without recognition
For greed is a state of want beyond the explanation of its definition
Yet here I stand, but not for much longer, for I feel as though I may fall
Because you, a cruel demon, have stolen, my life, heart and all…
How did I find myself infatuated by a nature in which I cannot relate?
Even if I tried to lose my feelings for you, it is already too late.
A kiss on the lips was all it took….
To end up with a story you would find in a book.
A love had once been found in us, one that we both know should never happen again.
If it were to be on a scale of disaster, I would give it a ten.
There was so much violence, so much pain.
So many feelings we tried to contain.
So much lust, you lost control.
And placed a fear in my heart I had never known.
You tried to protect me but couldn’t grab my hand
And I fell down hard and was unable to stand.
Instead of staying by my side you left, a dagger in your pocket as you walked away.
Who would have known I was to learn you cheated on me the next day.
My best friend died, a bullet to the chest, burning my heart as it was.
Just to learn you had betrayed me because of a fight I had caused.
I’m sorry for worrying, I apologize for my love
I will always be reminded of my mistake of choosing to love a demon by the gods above….

Sitting in a class with unfamiliar faces
Trying not to collapse while my heart races
None of them know of the hit I took last night
It wasn't even worthy of calling a fight
His slap to my face only shattered my heart
How could I not see the darkness within him from the start?
It doesn't matter. Not one bit, it happens.
But does anyone care?

All alone I refuse to eat, others around me conversing and having fun
I wonder if they'll ever see me when their conversations are done
No? That's alright, I've been alone most of my life anyways, it's no big deal.
It's just I wish I had friends to rid me of this emptiness I feel.
It's alright, it happens.
But would they notice if I were gone?

They seem disappointed that I stumble and do not provide.
Even though I have proven how hard I have tried.
Enough for me is too little for them.
If they feel that way, why don't my parents just let me go then?
It's ok.... it happens
Is this who I am? Am I the person who will go down in history as "it happens"?
When will enough be enough.......?

I feel a little lost, but that’s okay
I can make it another day
But everyday I wake I am in this room of white walls and I need room to breathe
But no one will let me out, no one will set me free

Instead I fight to maintain what makes me smile.
This fight has been going on for a while
Always afraid if I let go I’ll lose even more
I don’t have much else left to take in store

I know I mess up, I know I fail
But if I didn’t succeed to fail, I’ll always fail to succeed and prevail
Though the costs are so much, And there’s not much more they can take
Cause I’ve broken so much from my own mistakes

But now I need room to breathe, I really do!
Trust me these white walls would drive you crazy too!
I almost prefer the strict ways of Aurora to this, for at least they let me leave the room.
And there’s so much to do there that I don’t contemplate how I will meet my doom.

But I need room to breathe cause this life is suffocating.
Sitting at a desk with my work done, I stay waiting.
This is no life for someone my age.
Everyone else is out in the world exploring and finding their place.

Yet here I sit, empty and alone. My heart beat beginning to fade.
Wishing they would hear me and the words in which I say
But their parental instincts say locking me up is best.
Keeping me from the world that “I can’t handle” and telling me to rest.

I’m done resting for sleep is driving me mad!
My sweet dreams have now all gone bad.
My body is screaming, telling me it needs out.
And for now the only thing I can tell it is not to shout.

I need room to breathe or I’ll die from loss of breath
And that to me is not a peaceful death
But it’s ok, I understand
I guess I did get locked away by my own hand………