Blank pages,
Doubtful thoughts,
Lonely nights,
Painful sighs...

Bound in my silence,
Starved for touch,
Gasping for warmth,
Trapped behind a screen.

The walls
Will soon
Claim
My soul.

Charred
From flames past
Stunned into silence
By their selfishness,
anger,
detachment,
indifference...

He hears their voices
screeching
his name--
The void awakening
to consume
his sanity

He whispers,
defeated,
"Can I steal
my Self away
from this world now please?"

Like glitter in my veins
It slowly moves
Closer and closer
Further and further
Thump ba-thump

Like poison in my heart
It spreads
Slow and steady
Numbing me,
Rocking me gently
To a sleepless slumber

Like hope in my soul
It shines through
Bright and warm
Like shimmer
Aglow in the sun's gaze

Yet, my heart rests, unmoved
Like undisturbed dust
In a house
Where no one lives
Deserted and forgotten

When you wrap your heart so safely
To save it from the dark
And your spark snuffs out

I don't know why I don't write anymore
Typing these words out is now suffocating
Like I'm not living them anymore
They're a shadow of my feelings
That are expansive and depthless

I don't know why I can't write anymore
The words escape and falter
In scatter plots across my tired mind
My soul aches to bleed, battered by blind numbness
But the bandages I have put on it are so tight

I see why I can't write anymore
I can't let them open my bandages
I don't want my wounds to tear open again
I am terrified of what I will feel
Of all that I will feel
The expansive and depthless abyss
Of sadness I am keeping at bay

Nothing has been the same since I lost her

But how long will this unfeelingness last?

Will I survive feeling whole again?

I run from end to end,
chased away at every bend;
I fall and I falter
and for my faults I alter
my self...

it is their say that decides,
whether a monster resides
in my soul...

A soul that is played
For my innocence is slayed--
they laugh at their profanity,
the ***** dogs, the *******;
the masterminds behind my insanity...

...

Darkness
So true, all their false lights sputter out;
Feeble and annoying

Claws
So long, I can reach the core of their being
With just a scratch

Teeth
So sharp, I can see who they are within
And without, just by smiling at them

Heart
So strong, I can bear the sad loneliness
When they see who I am and run

I can't think
Can't catch a wink
I can't write
My mind's not right

But the ink won't let me sleep
The voices pull me deep
I hear the words in a dull hum
Like whispers making me numb

There's a place deep inside
Where my monsters reside
I feel a deep sense of dread
All I see is red

All green is gold
All gold is dead
All good is dead

Nights like this...

When my feelings pull me down
And I spiral into the crushing abyss
Of loneliness, abandonment and loss...

That's when I need someone else...
A soft caress, a call to come back
To ground me, like a lifeline - to anchor me
And stop me drowning--
So I don't drift off into memory and sadness...

The only thing that person from my future needs to know,
Is that I love dancing...

I bleed out
In unheard breaths

Empty sobs
And silent scars

Without a hand
Warm to touch
Not arms
Strong enough to hold
My life, my mind, my faith...