i promised myself id stop writing about
you, stop writing for you, but every chance
i get i scribble down every first we had, and
all the last. i stopped paying attention to the color of your eyes, along with your hands, and the way your teeth show when you smile. although, i still remember every detail, every scar, and bump.
it's been months since i last saw you, but today i thought of you. if you want honesty, i don't think i was ever in love, but something in me likes to believe i could have been. it's been months since i last saw you, and ive finally learned that not everyone you love you're meant to be with, that love can run deeper than just telling each other you do, and sometimes it's then that you realize you don't.
i hope that you still think of me, when you
see flowers on the side of the road, or look over at your passenger side. someday i want to know how it was when she touched you for the first time, and if you saw me when you closed your eyes and held her close. tell me about when you started smoking again and tasted me in every cigarette, how each night you woke up sweating because even in your dreams you couldn't get rid of me.
yes, i hope you still think of me, because i do still think of you, but i hope you've moved on. i always wanted better for you, i always wanted more. you were my fire, but also the rain that put it out.

I want to pick out wallpaper with you.
I want to laugh
While we're in the grocery store
Deciding what to make for dinner.
I want to fall asleep ten minutes into the movie
Wrapped in your arms
No makeup, no clothes, no worries.
It seems
Such a grownup way to want someone,
Such a different way to love.
But
I have been searching my whole life
For a way to exist in this world.
This ordinary, mundane world
This place I've done much to escape from and to
Dream
My way out of.
I remember once I wrote a poem
About how big things don't **** you,
Small things do.
I said people turn to ash as life wears them away
And crumble into their morning cereal.
The mundanities of life
Seemed killers to me.
But you...
You bring joy to every ordinary moment.
I already know the beauties of this world well.
I stop and make myself see them.
It is the dullness I've neglected, the little boring things--
I've never gotten to treasure ordinariness.
I've always had to slip past moments of silence like a shadow, hoping not to linger long enough to feel lonely.
You have opened up
Half the world for me.
You have given me the freedom to look forward to
Every shopping trip
Every chore
Every lazy Sunday.
Things that let my demons out before
Now I can treasure them,
Now you've let the sun in on them
And I don't know if you'll understand how incredible that is when you read this poem
But I can assure you
...It's the best.

In the great distance I hear
The cries of
A midnight
Train
Passing through a
No name
Town
The dark hovering tree's guard
The lands
Secrets
Of those that
Once
Ruled
Horses hoove prints forever carved in
The concrete
Mud
Below
The cries of death echo in somber tones
On the
Hollow
Plains
Old wagon wheels scattered about
Along the lonesome
Trails
There is a chill in the valley where many said their  last words
Forever trapped in a
Stand
Off
Carrying big irons to warn off the riding rebels
That dare
Trespass
The doors to the saloon ragged and rotten
But you can still hear the music
Wailing and the screams of the
Waitresses as the
Men
Flirted And
Teased
Just outside a tumbleweed blows by
Not a sound to be heard
Its midnight
In the distance I hear
The cries of
A
Midnight
Train

You are my little secret,
and you will be the death of me.

But I am addicted to the taste of you.

To wrap my lips around you.

To take you into my mouth.

To taste you.

Filling my mouth..

I know which way is best.

Just the tip and ****...

I could do this ten times a day,
if you would let me.

Taking you in my mouth,
taking you down as deep as I can.

But I often wish I didn't want it so much.

But I always want more.

Like an addiction.

**** it! you will be the death of me
if I don't give you up.

And at £6.49 for a packet of 18,

you are a very expensive secret.