You already are what you want to become
Time just allows you to see it whenever

She kissed me
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

We fell in
love.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

We made
mistakes.
Not because
we wanted to
but because
we could.

We thought
we were
perfect.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

I vomited in
the bathroom
of a
Baltimore
7-11
because
sometimes
you cannot
hold it in
much
longer.

Her hands shook
as she held her
mirror
because
sometimes
your reflection
can only
tell you
so much.

My body shook.
Her body stiff.
And when
the bodies
move
the hearts
stop.

She lied some.
I drank words.
The veins
in hands
are maps
to imagined
consciousness.

Really,
it's just
a
*******
*****.

Music to
my ears.
Nervousness
between
blinks.
Noise to
my brain.

She said,
"I love you"
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

I said,
"I love you, too,"
not because
I could
but because
I wanted to.

Spinning around his room,
walk to the mirror,
put on some red lipstick,
I feel great.

What's wrong with you?

What do you mean? I feel great!
Spinning around his room
without a care in the world.

Are you on drugs?

No silly, I just feel great!
Spinning around his room,
stumbling off balance.

What is wrong with you!?

I feel grea-
hands grab my wrist,
pull me from my spin,
light eyes turn dark
his stare in my eyes

What is wrong.

Next thing, I'm crying into my palms

it'll be alright,
and he holds me tight.

Hug me forever, don't let go.

I wont.

Hug me forever,
cause once you stop
I have to go.

And he lets go,
what does that mean?

I have to go,
I don't want to hurt to be happy,
I can't dance anymore,
this was our finale,
and this is the end of the show.

(NJ2015) (All Rights Reserved)

I want someone to look me in the eyes
like nothing else matters

I want to wake up to him
or a text from him or something more
than the empty feeling in my chest

I want someone to share random thoughts with

I want him to pull me into
his jacket and zip us up inside

I want to talk to someone
about theories, ethics, words,
the universe and more

I want someone to call me at one in the morning
and tell me to look at Polaris

I want him to pick me up unexpectedly
and make me laugh hysterically until I snort

I want someone to trade literature with,
sleep in with, cuddle with

I want someone to miss me when we're apart

sometimes
i apologize so much
i feel like i'm saying sorry for my existence