losing weight - my body finds it hard to let go

pardon my inadequacy,
i'm always two steps behind
or a mile ahead,
and yet i find myself drifting
along the sea of people,
catching parts of lost souls
and blurring corners of conversation

please don't escape
i want you here
living, breathing,
existing

you are alive,

you are not the reason
i cannot feel comfort
amongst people

how can i begin to explain
the deep unsettling discomfort
waiting to erupt from under my skin

when i am among you
i am in the between
neither here or there

i think about things
things that hold me back
things i can't set free

i'm not letting you see me
because i am living
uncomfortably in my own skin

so if shutting myself out
will save you of discomfort,
so be it