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Brea Brea May 2013
I feel my bones catch eachothers serated edge
as my needs are fulfilled
Am I still free?
without the wood, water, and stream?
with the love of markably beautiful others?
at what cost may I experience these treaures?
what new rules need enforcing
what self of mine will be denied
hindered, rendered captive
to loving connection
I can only be susceptive
sceptical
can I still talk a brief free word with you and resume my adventures?
do you travel along side me or at a distance?
do we meet at speratic intervals
will I ever see you, be with you again?
will you change me?
Will you captivate me from my aunotomy
will our faces morph into another animal?
one that outwitts the world but for who I wont fully recognize without practice
the medicine we make
the rabbit that calls!
I am AFRAID of YOU, MAGIC
magic stirings are the heart
do I decline them out of enlightenment
or nourish my inner works
allow my hearths flourish with flame
warmth
or find sanctity in solomonity in the stary night
chilling
split hearted lovely, wise soul
you dont act from a place of inner direction
disjointed
how do I attribute you to this dynamic but short lived life?
or this mind
mind, heart, soul division
my soul is weary of anything that might take my power from me
I see it in you
I dont have the answer yet, but dont rob me of the question
let me ponder it and my role in this new place
Devin Ortiz Jun 2015
Once upon a time,
You tossed my emotions in the shredder.
I paid you back in flesh.

Nervous,  I grasped the knife.
Pressing it against me,
Right before the puncture.
I freeze. My arm feeling the sting.
I gather myself. Deep breath.
Serated blades saw away,
Breaking skin, tearing muscle.
Then the blood drips.

We exchange wounds,
Cut for cut.
It wasn't love, just pain.
Ken Pepiton Jun 2020
2020 - day 160

Monday, June 8, 2020
6:46 AM

Dissipated selves linger, ghost-like,

suggesting no new motives toward sur
rendering my heart and mind to spiritual,
haunting dreads, from
others interferring as rioters in mobs
so far away as to be
non materially consequential,
immaterial matrickulaters and haters of those
peaceful
stochastic bits of me, extending beyond
my reach,

as I was taught, a man's grip ought not
exceed his grasp.
A man's grasp must extend his reach, as
knowing expands my point,
hold on

do not let go
re
ify me, ifier, ify me, make me hold this truth,
self
evidence, of exceeding complexity phasing out

in an alluvial fan at the bottom of the fall.



Escape velocity, achieved, see the glimmer...

pop. Fear, as false evidence appearing real,
comes clowning into the per
ifery, with haps, suggested I
happen to see a you reflection in me,
touch, eh

weak to strong to breakout, as when
a farmer breaks a dam to loose the flow,
click
electrical and chemical process-easy to imagine,
from now, limenal
information
lingering from ads absorbed for seventy years,

be a man
smoke Camels
be cool, smoke Kools,
be peaceful and green, smoke Salems
be separated from the common filters, smoke
Parliaments with the recessed filter,
for discriminating taste, less tar.

be seen as longer than thy fellow smokers,
by a millimeter, a silly millimeter,
smoke Benson & Hedges 100s.

Spit Redman. Sublimenally, on my shoe.
Three doors, front and back and cuspidor, ha ha ha
-
what's a cuspidor, Grandpa?

Really? In public, in the halls of Congress?
Seems really gross, as in yechy.

Imagine the smell.




A murmuration of sardines, or tiny noseeums, or starlings;
how much data is being fed into
the wee controlers of motion,
using seven degrees of separation
-- there is an algorithm,
boids, minimum distance
match velocity
move to center mass of neighboring seven

interacting as equals, but
do such birds
crap on one another?

Cellular automata, made living thoughts,
if you think life thoughts,
happened with no reason.


--- life is software
Rule 110 for class four cellular automata

in seers see where darkness was and wonder,
what would this reveal outside
the edge between order and chaos?

a phase transition in a heaping scoop of sugar
slipping into my coffee,
seeming to change the taste ... see

Disney-if-ication, drawn from a silly song you
can never un get, once it gets used
metaphorically on a difficult
person who thinks wrong.




Be entertained by the nobel's
jewels...

struggling to overcome, come over, entropification,
bursting into ever
as if
nothing
is real, and we feel it

we, me and my seven touch points




knapping is a step
by
step knack passed along by seeing
and doing,

those who see and do, see more life,

"I came that they might have life, and that,
more abundantly."

Practice, patience makes practice possible.
Once the way is known,
epigenetical throat clearing noises made
the teacher
imagine drinking knowing straight from god
for showing how,

{like those gurus who claim snot is brain juice with gut messages}
to find
edges, between big gap, ligandary leap

speak

foxpeatwogene meme, mimic try

we do get by, thinking past the next imagined by
the mass of enculturated human flesh
eating itself alive, from fears
loosed to drive the heard,
to the edge

Stone knapping, see, this knack my grandpa had
ai ai ai, mustathought that
in code, rule 111,
there were no words we knew how to say
this is the body of knowing,
this is the bubble of mutual being,

this is spaceship earth, coming online, all hands on deck...

pass it on... we are no neutral observants to a realm,
realized long before there were words for
right and wrong, once the purpose
became living to learn to teach,
how to live,
once again, now, this becomes the knowable why, this
is the reason
things are ... at all, balanced
on the edge,
of any universal
reality....

see, we get what we see, it is many levels deeper,
the reason for that, is many plexities deeper,
but

we had to learn to speak your thoughts.

"the same yesterday, the same today,
the same forever, is"
an idea en and in corporating
conservation of energy in its ever dominant position
in opposition to entropy,
in
thus, the good versus evil trope, where death is evil
and living is good...
breaks out from Disney-ified,
ifery-wishery
trippy tropes to insert non-player observers who steer,
pilot,
infantile minds making distinction
of sharp and dull
"between soul and spirit", judge the message as the messenger,
in a word,
by being a word,
two-d between tweened being, double minded, as an

egg the size of the bubble of knowns, think:

deep space looks like those big detergent and corn syrup
bubbles sweeping in a dance following your

seeing eye, hearing words now, where, a while ago
you could have seen that guy
on the beach making bubbles so huge they swallowed us

whole
and here is the edge of reality and what we imagine.
Word worlds of pure, merest of mere, in formative goo

see, do, see doe, see, see, see
spot
run, fetch the thread we started with, aha

edges, once past, appear as threads in future patterns...

the day is fast approaching
when we,
the we who find our names in the book life keeps,
we bet on reason being balance...
we cheated, knowing we won,
having read the book before the movie,
and we became,
we trans-formed our mind, as if oil left a film
of frictionless space
we fit right in
between the inner and outer bubble, see, look,
that big bubble walled in Dawn and Kayro,
we watched the bubble man make
{beach bubblers are faithful to Dawn, for the Exxon Valdez ads}
that bubble
is two conforming bubbles, one in the other, and
in
between the walls of those bubbles, is water,
liquid flowing water,

I think life is like that out where order and chaos phase
shift at a human scale, see
on the surface of the earth, amidst coast chapparel in spring,
I am watching life being done on all sides,
counting my center as one point,
I have seven points to project perception through,

this may be the quantum foam of universes, seen up close,
and we effect slight sight tugs or shoves and a neuronic
approach to create
an ifity network of knowns,
anonymous in ever after,
but a happy place.
My point in being.

It has life every where you can imagine looking.
It was here when I got here,
so nothing I did deserved this,
this rest of the story,
after the maze, my self evidence flowing into expansive reality never
earned, via service, not my pay for
right usefulness having,
been made of me,
my being
good for something. Having a knack, or a green thumb,
no,
but I was an amusing child.
And
amusing children are assumed good, by the goodness in us,
not the goodness in them,
they are good for nothing but the medicine laughter brings
from a truly happy child.

- perceptron, eh? mebbe exclusive-or gates, xor-gates,
- support vector machines favor Feynman's series 4 NANDs
- time travel back into favor, default mode, on a grand scale
- neuronic capital interest come
- pounding
- on your door
- think harder, pay attention, once the rest is known,
- no body forgets the point in getting there.

Right, activate knowledge wholistic algorithm, give Turing his due.





We alter the unfolding of the universe, somebody said,
in the per-ifery of possible attention
holding places,
handles for grasping and gripping to hold still,
a
moment,
con sci useness, settles into sublime wonder, sound familiars
shhoo sue-serated edge, silken webbing
slipping through
-- look, see that lizard's blue belly? did you? I took a picture,
but the optical translation chip can't see that color.

pines whisper selah.


Richard Feynman, bongo player in the band that built
the most famous mushroomcloud in history,
suggested to my mind, in a book, surely
you're joking, mr. feynman,
a sort of time travel information can handle,
a redo before next result
sort of action
and
that there may well be time to start all over.
He thought a series of not-and gates in the flow of time
might --- no
this was me meandering, NAND gates in threes

those were what I was thinking while Rupert Murdoch
layed out a priori assumptions, re
things in threes, spiritually having a point...

for me to ponder, remotely, and ... drift along in wonder ifity,
if the rest is not the perfect reason for growing old in 2020,
and not earlier... I don't know what is.
While walking in Pine Valley, listening to an Audible Great Course suggested by my AI, an aspect of which is measuring my steps, with GPS. I am never lost. No path I have been down kills you for good. Also still feeling the after glow of curious grandchildren.
kindness is perfection
its a promise humans made
to keep the thoughtless hate from tainting
the water that we drank
and in this promise there is honor
taught from father to his daughter
taught from mother to her son
in hopes hell teach it to his daughter
i truly know of karma
and i pray to find forgiveness
you may rando call me a hack
but don't knock it till you've lived it ***** ****
ive slit my own wrists
and drank the blood
*** i was different and ****** up
im a pervert and i luv it
im a master at the ****
im bi ****** and ghetto
kinda ****** with my luck
i wripped my gfs ***** with my **** she had top get
stitches in her  ****
i ****** a dog and got arrested im the reason for the term
i cant believe that i was the fastest swimmer in dads *****
i smoke a lot im alcoholic
im high on coke inside my house right now getting this **** out
i was gang beat as a teenager and i never really made it out
i could have turned into a ******* with out a doubt
if things came differently about

i ****** phrenic diagnosed i take a needle to stay sane
i fantasize about my face some time implanted in the grave
i made myself so famous everybody knew my name
*** i said i was a killer and i sent him to the grave
slowly people set me off i did it to be known
i wanted any kinda love that i never got at home
i hear voices in my head of people likle you calling me a hack
heres a fat glance at my massive *** crack you ******* *****
you never loved me *** you judge me with out seeing past the flaws
again i state if your still starving you can ******* lick my *****
what else, one time i beat my sister *** she was hiding the remote
i pulled a knife on her another time *** i was suddenly provoked
saying all these things reveals to my self how bad i am
i guess i never said it openly the coward that i am

i draw demonic faces
ive drank blood just for the taste
my gfs monthly always tasty
i never let it go to waste

im addicted to ******* and i believe i need to feed
i even conconcted a race of imaginary people just like me
were called oumarro but im lonely *** i ******* made them up
cant you tell im ******* lonely and being inside me ******* *****
i hung out with tough guys thinking i was tough
but i was ***** when push came to shuv
never backing no one up
i even cried like a lil **** when someone stole my drugs
im ******* tell you my demons have you ******* had enough?
ive been to the nut house 11 times
they watch you as yuou shave in case the day
you take that razor blade and carve your name in ****** grey

i had a vinerial disease contracted from a ***
i ****** her in the hospital just after she ****** my bro
i started getting bumps around my ***** fro
but i don't really know
ive had unprotected *** so much never getting tested
theres a good percentage risk that ill die before im old

i could have saved my dad i shoulda knew it was a stroke instead i cleaned his puke and changed his clothes and went home to drink some more, he died slowly fading 3 days later in a brain dead
i remain emotionless about it *** i kinda ******* hate him

there you go you want more
could you handle all my scars
im the farthest thing from decent person you've ever seen thus far
im the reason why a demon sleeps no farther than fifty yards from where i park

after dark i dream of being ***** i luv the thought of choking
for a man to force my throat until im drowning in his dopamine
i pretend to see the future and i have some folks convinced
the only problem is im wrong 100 percent

i told facebook i had aids to keep girls away as if theyeven wanted me, i made a statement in that post so it looked like girls were constantly bothering me,

for a while i couldn't leave my hotel room
*** i thought the government were going to body me
a tactics unit meant to **** me cusi was turning the wolf into a modern dream.

a common theme in my problems see is that im a monstrous demonic wannabe,
but enough about the honest me
lets sit and watch you constantly
transmit your thoughts
to all around and see you slowly rot
inside your honesty
oh wait theres more
i ****** off in front of my brother when we were little kids out on vacation
i mistreated my first girlfriend till she took a serated blade and slit her legs up
than i found a way to thank her
we had *** and than i left and went and banged a total stranger
i use to date a rehabilitated escort
found her giving head to her cousin on the next floor
so i stole her bike andpedalled home like i was going to *** the next *****

have you heard enough? i guess im done. no wait i left out more

i cheated on my girlfriend twenty times while high on *******
id spend hundreds on mascara make up ******* than id go gay
while she was stuck at home raising my kids getting no thanks
i was ******* off a bald and ugly toddler size ******* ****
like no thang

i think that's it did i mention im ****** im bi ****** i like being *****, i thought i was a murderer, i ****** a dog and got arrested for it,
i dress like a girl,im an alcoholic drug addict, im a *****, and apparently im a ******* hack of a writer, well there you go this was absolute garbage for you hope you read some more **** face

— The End —