IGNITE THE HEART OF THE FOREST FIRE
DO NOT COMPLAIN WHEN LACED W ASH
DESTROY THE CONFIDENCE OF THE PRINCE
EXPECT THE DRAGON’S FLAME TO BE RASH
UNLOCK THE B*TCH TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH
DO NOT DISRESPECT ME AGAIN

They didn't know that when they glanced at her when she walks by in the halls, she feels uncomfortable. She feels judged. She is so much stronger than that, but she has been broken. A lovelorn, erring, gentle girl. She makes mistakes just like you or I. Tangled, once happy relations with guys who promised to love her wholeheartedly.

i. her first love. Arguments, disagreements broke them. However, love eventually found them, and brought these equally sad souls together again.

ii. she met him at the start of 7th grade. He had eyes for her best friend, and eventually set his sights on her. 9 months they loved each other, overcoming obstacles and setbacks. But... she stopped her loyalty to him, and pledged her allegiance to another.

iii. their love started on a rocky base, and it will continue as so. They loved each other for a few months, before again she pledged her allegiance to another, stopping loyalty again. This time, mostly because she discovered that she has pledged her allegiance to the wrong boy.

iv. her first love. Loyalty is still very much there, but only time can tell if their love for each other is as true as how the waves cherish the shores they kiss every day.

She found solace in the spilling of her own blood from her wrecked body, onto the grounds of her sorrow. Said it made her feel alive, to see the silver of blades win death matches against her flesh, to see the crimson of her body's fluids flow out like a red fountain.

She continued like this for a few hundred days, mindlessly mutilating herself. And then one day she decided to stop. Some may say, the return of her to her first love has done her well, for they both had death wishes. She only stopped viciously running blades over her skin to save this boy, the one she's in love with. Suicide pacts were on their minds, and days were counting down to their impending demise. She knew she had to do something. So she put on fake smiles, took on the form of joyful and went out into the world, channeling new feelings of optimism and the advocation of preserving oneself. She found it comforting to help others with conditions she has experienced before and is always sure to tell them all the reasons why what they're doing is wrong.

A time in her life was when she found (beautiful) pictures online of those a size (or many sizes) smaller than the average body. She wanted to be like them, and thought that skipping meals would help her attain her goal. She craved the image of herself being a few sizes smaller, and having specific parts of her body toned down. She didn't realize that this too, would **** her if she continued it over a long period of time. But every time she peered into the mirror, all she would see is a mess of weird, bulging flesh and bulk in all the wrong places. This action of course, stopped when she had the epiphany that whatever she thought was going to help her, never will.

Inside this torn and shattered soul of a person, is a nice and gentle girl who would be a great friend to anyone. She's still the same inside, only her physical and current mentality fools all.



-x.o

throw me down on your holy altar,
bleed me now and do not falter.
For this sin i dare to witness,
tears me to this deepest bitterness.

If its a crime to feel this passion,
why strip it away with no compassion?
for if its an affliction we are born to bare,
can blame be placed on those and them that share?

i ask you voice thats never there,
shall i leave another message on your holy chair,
to not preach salvation.
to those you offer no advocation.

or should i like you turn away,
let those blinded fools keep their ways,
and whisper onto empty ears,
for reality does nowt but bring their fears.

We have sat outside your perfection,
and survived and lived in moderate affection.
from others you've shunned and burned,
oh how my faithful fools the tides have turned!

So witness the great and beautful karma,
that  mocks and riddicules your holy father.
condemn who you will to a fictional horror,
and leave us blissful in our faithless squalor!

It frightens me,
To sit in thought,
To think before men have been shot,
To keep alive,
A lie so huge,
It blinds this world in dark deluge.

In advocation,
Of a thought,
That's left this world in shock,
Distraught;
On their knees to say and pray,
Every night,
And every day,
To a Lord they think so far away,
A code of ethics;
"Hate the gays!"

To sit alone in blinding trance,
Let slip all ideas of chance,
"This world did not come to be,
Millions of years ago, no, listen to me,
Your lies of science,
Can't you see?
The governments conspiracy."

It frightens me to know there are,
Men who don't look very far,
They keep it down, so low, the bar,
Of humanity.

"Can't you see,
We're meant to be,
Conformed in happy unity?
Can't you see,
God is meant to be,
The path of the ones who are truly free?
No, because you're ignorant;
You're a disbelieving infant."

"Someday you will,
Be judged in Hell,
To live eternity,
In pain and yell,
'I'm wrong and sorry,
Can't you tell?
Save me from the grace I fell.'"

the truth is we are such insignificant creatures.
       everybody thinks they are the lead role
in the play of life,
that the lights dim
                and they stand on the spotlight of center stage
with an entire audience in front of them, just hanging onto the edges of their seats
               let's change this scenario
                                                      to reality
the curtains fall;

               lights shut off,
there's an auditorium of empty seats

with not even advocation for the slightest moment that air sits here,

              even the silence doesn't,
                                                 it stays hung on the ceiling,
              
and back stage amongst the props there's a person
contemplating life,

                         a remnant of stardust,
exhaled throughout the yawns of the cosmos.

wings unfurled in protection
eroded from surrounding rudiments
along a beacon of illumination

visage composed and serene
branching arms cradling cleaving souls
afraid to fade into eternal rest

gifts born from remembrance
weeping, wilting, worn
beneath a wandering ivy-covered guide

quiescent consignor of peace
beyond the cessation of life
- suspended in advocation

You wake up in a dark room on the second floor of your grandma's house
like little nightmare's you imagine yourself on a ship floating on the ocean marked nowhere
//cut scene//
you've written 2 of these poems, now there's a third?
//end cut scene//
you pull up your phone because it's a room in a room
your heart doesnt feel like getting up soon
the bright screen hurts your eyes, the time displays welll past noon
//cut scene//
are you writing this just for the book? or do you actually want to write this
// end cut scene //
you pull up instagram
where half your feed is soft core ****
like Smino sings, bam bam bam
you know you're quite love lorn
and the emotions these ****** energy stirs,
you're only attracted to all this because it's love fast served
it's love where people are most willing to take and give,
sure there is work involved in the play
but there's always some form of satisfaction at the end of the day
doesnt matter if the person means nothing
in that moment the hugs and kisses mean everything
in that moment, the reality is the visualization of a want built till and for the end of your own dramatification
in that moment, you're two people who are willing to care and work for each other and there's the open interpretation of that situation
there's no need for verbal communication
jus translated sounds of pure emotion
food for the soul
is there a need for advocation
//cut scene//
who's even gonna buy the book? who the **** are you that people would want your book?
// end cut scene //
you roll on you're side
bright screen in your hand
you're closer to the edge of the bed now
just one more step
get up childddd
get up
do your work
why is that so hard
just get up


and after a few more rounds of that, you do
you go to the bathroom
admire yourself and feel the urge to poo
TMIIIIII I know but who caressss
you dont do it anyway, you just stare at your stare
few minutes past, and the thoughts and ideas your brain has been churning gets to you
you feel the charge to create and do so you move your *** out of the bathroom
slowly, but you do

you check your phone again, nothing
you hoped there would be anything to make you feel something
your brain registers the memory of you in the mirror
you looked good today there's that at least
but this self love just feels like you're yourself, pulling yourself on a leash

//cut scene//
*******. this poem is getting long. no one likes long poems stop writing go do your work *******. go **** why you sitting here writing useless things. noooo one's gonna buy this book. you're doing nothing in the end
// end cut scene //

They say the most important thing is self love
as long as you love yourself there's nothing truly bad in the world
that can stop you and hurt you because you have yourself
put yourself on a pedestal because there's nobody else
who'd do that for you, who'll love you like you
and that's ******* true but
when you're the only one who loves yourself
and you find it hard to trust anyone's truer intentions
when you feel like only you see your worth
is your worth valid to only your own opinion
if only you love yourself
there must be something wrong with you
if not why wont others care
or at least bare with you

//cut scene//
ok that was harsh. should it even be in the book. it might scare people. but you want this to be raw right so I suppose it's worth being this vulnerable.
// end cut scene //

anyway you're downstairs now, typing this
you genuinely do want to ****
but you dont want to deal with it
you want to go out and walk around
take in the sounds
of humans vs humans vs nature
pound pounding into your heartbeat and maybe you wont feel so down
you're craving nicotine
and maybe a shot of gasoline
straight to your heart
it's 5.30pm you havent eaten
as usual, why you so weak, you keep letting yourself fall apart
it's 5.30 pm
you have assignments for all of your classes to work on
but you're so stuck in this reality
where you gonna find the strength to carry on
but you put yourself in this reality what's to say you wont leave yourself here till dawn
do you want to move or do you want to ponder
about the many things that are wrong

let's end this like the other two
just to keep up this tying element of poeticity that they don't teach in school
eternal impressions
in your heart,
these scars that mark your depression.