Innocence is one of the strongest things
Especially when it’s with a small child
That innocence of looking at the world
And seeing the good, the beauty, the love
There are times when I still wish I had this
Not because I grew up, no nothing like that
I had my innocence destroyed when I was small
I was introduced to the harsh reality of what life
Really is, not that beautiful place filled with love
But a terrible place filled with misery, hate and violence
So I grew up looking more harshly at things, looking
For the faults, looking for the hate behind everything
The innocence makes you think the world is only
Filled with sheep, but the harsh reality is that there
Are terrible wolves filled with evil bloodlust to destroy
The very innocence we have
I looked for the sheep and soon realized that the wolves are
Everywhere. But little I could do right now about it
All I can do is try to protect the innocence because
That’s one of the strongest things in life
And as I look down at her face with her huge carefree
Smile back at me all I can think is that innocence is
Blissful to have. But there’s another thought as I look
At her, is what if she has it destroyed like me? Because
The one thing stronger than innocence is
The destruction that leads to the driving force to become
Stronger than the evil wolves and to protect the sheep

Because it doesn't seem real
I can write and no one can tell which relationship it's about
Current or the past
I write about my feelings because if I say them out loud then they become

Real

Is it bad i didn't taste the alcohol all night?
That the smoke felt like fresh air coming into my lungs?

Is it bad I was chugging drinks all day?
Trying not to feel throughout the day
Is it bad I was hesitant about saying hi
Because I didn't know who's side they taken

Is it bad my drinks have a little more Jim,
My smokes a little more Jane?
Trying to numb the anxiety to try to enjoy myself
Is it bad I hid behind a screen?
Instead of asking you for a dance?

Is it bad that I walk the narrow line?
Between self destruction and self fulfillment?

Is it bad? Or am I the bad?

I struggle everyday with it
I'm not close to loving myself yet
But I'm seeing changes
I'm more confident than before

Talking to new people from places and sites where before it would go 1, 2
Then never hearing from them again

I'm making new friends now
Because I'm more confident in myself
Talking to people, feeling myself

I still have a long way to loving myself
But I'm making progress at least

The fights that are the worst
Right before a break up
Knowing that it might not
Be able to save the relationship

The worst thing is the

Silence

Leading

Up

I keep being told this
But everytime I hear it
I go into flight panic attack

Everytime I think it
I break down on the inside and out

I feel broken on the inside
I feel weak and broken spirited
I can't see the future
I'm trapped in the past

Anxious and depressed
Can't sleep can't eat
Feeling overwhelmed

How do I stop sinking

Into this darkness?

When the good times were ending

When the love was getting cold

When friends were getting ready to leave

I wish I could tell when my happy days

Were becoming the past

How many peoples minds I live rent free?
Ex girlfriends, ex friends, those I thought
Were family at the time

Sitting in the back of their mind
Or in the closet with the skeletons

Wondering how I am doing
Thinking that I'm doing worse than their ****** lives at the moment
I'll just keep my head down and do me

But I still wonder where I live rent free

To the ones who broke my heart
And left without a reason
To the ones I broke and almost broke myself
To the friends who drifted off
To the ones I miss the most
I wonder what I mean to you
To my haters, I don't give a **** about you

Kindest regards

Don't ever underuse I love you
Especially to your friends who need it
Don't ever go to bed angry at someone
Work it out before so you both are on the same page the next day

When you look at life in rose colored glasses
The red flags sometimes look like flags
When one friend doesn't like someone
Out of everyone you know, listen
They may see something you don't

And the biggest life lesson of all?
Protect your heart over anyone else's
You only get one and your happiness
Is the must important

Surrounded by darkness, it seems the only friend you have
No future, no hope just dark
Then glimpses of light flash
A text you wake up to
A friend reaching out
A picture making you smile
Just then realizing it's not just darkness surrounding you but the sky

The darkest feelings show the brightest stars in your life

We each knew our love for each
Other, There were roller-coaster events
That seemed to always push us
Even more apart, we tried to
Fight it, getting around it and
To still make it work..
You told me this time were done
Nothing is getting in our way were
Making this work no matter what!
This was on the romantic day of the
Year and made me fall even more
For you knowing you were going
To be my lighthouse in the storm
A guided light of love that can get
Me through any terrible situation
Life could through
But just as quickly my lighthouse
Fell apart, you told me its done
I've changed, i'm not the same
I was lost in the sea with a hurricane
Hitting and realizing I had no shining
Light to guide me..
What could two weeks make?
Can you really change in that
Amount of time?
Don't ask me I'm just a ship
Wrecked sailor looking for a
New lighthouse.

Do you ever wonder what we were?
Wonder about the first time we realized
Our feelings, or the first time
We kissed...
Do you think about the times we spent?
Think about the times we laid watching
TV on the couch pressed together like
A sculptor shaping clay into a masterpiece
Or the stupid Nicknames given to tease
You but made me fall deeper in love
Do you dream about the amazing memories?
Going to prom in that beautiful dress, or the
Dates where we stayed in and never left
Do you hold it over me for leaving?
Hate me for the fact I left for a college
So far from you, and saying I don’t want
To hurt you...
Do you recall these memories?
Or did you throw them away and
Steal my heart in the process?
Leaving me with no heart, swirling
Emotions, no sense of direction
And only a handful of heartfelt
Memories

Were both the same
Competitive to the death
The most stubborn around
Extremely caring, a hidden
Sense to help others
A mystical ability to always
Be there for people at the
Moment they need it

We’ve been friends and
Like most friends argue
Like no tomorrow, but
Were mirrored halves
Saying were nothing
Alike but almost the
Same person on the
Inside

Mirrored halves, they
Reflect the same and
Sometimes look the same
But arnt always the right
Thing, people say your
Suppose to find your
Other half….

But does a mirrored half
Of you the same do the same
As the other half?

Nowadays the love songs don’t focus on love
Only thing the songs are expressing is ***
And taking the girl back to your house above
All else and then have her leave if the next
Logical point in the song
Everyone jams out to these signing along
Saying these are the next big thing to hit
The radio making the guy be the strong,
Macho type and the damsel throwing a fit
Because of his attitude and complaining
About how love should be and not this
“Why can’t you be like an old song?” feigning
Anger to play hard to get on him but it’s just a diss
She’s laying on him
This is the usual nowadays except for the rare
Few who were raised on the classics actually
Falling in love with her instead of a hit and
Quick and a see ya around but is factually
Never happening again, looking for the band
That sung that sweet melody that touched the
Soul
Now this isn’t me saying I’m a classic Romeo
No not at all babe, I’m just trying to say
I’m looking to make her fall in love
And find a happy ever after in this
World that killed the love songs

I'm just a late bloomer
I didn't peak in highschool

Looking back 7 years ago
The skinny kid scared
For the future, leaving home
Fresh off a breakup

In those 7 years I've done a lot
Landed a great job finally
Couple awards and promotions
In my military service

Navigating single life once again
But enjoying the dates
Flirting and getting to know
New people and learning about myself

Not all of it has been roses and sunshine
Dealing with some ****** up ****
In my head and my body

Nevertheless

I haven't hit my peak yet so enjoy the climb with me

Another year comes and goes
And this holiday comes every spring
Celebrating mother's and what they do
Mother's who do extrordinary things

I still celebrate every year each spring
But not celebrating you
Other mother's made me their own
And for them I cheer for they are
Extrordinary
And you are not and will never be

New friends are great
Someone who doesn't know your past or cares to know, only wanting to know your future

New friends who want to see you smile, not knowing how hurt you are
But help make you smile when you thought wasn't possible

New friends are great because they know you for what you are, not your past
New friends help you see the future instead of dwelling in the past

Usually when it happens I'm upset
I fall apart and I'm crushed for a bit
Not after this time though

I just feel numb when I'm alone
Not really caring about anything much
Less myself

It's scary but I don't know what to do to get rid of this

Numbness

People come into your life as
Quickly as they come, never
Staying for long there are
Cases where they do stay,
Your closest friends, your
Best friends, your loved
Ones
But others just disappear and
Leave completely, dropping out
Of your life never talking to you
Again, lost connections of how
You became friends, the shared
Stories, secrets, good times
And memories. All you have now
Is seeing random Facebook
Statuses of you with new
Friends or Instagram selfies
With tons of new people
Do you remember us being
Friends?
If I sent a text, a message
Anything would you answer?
Would you talk to me again?
If I done wrong can I right it?
Can we be friends again?
Or am I just a random Facebook
Status popping on your newsfeed
And nothing else

People are hard to read
Playing a role in each other's lives
Different perspectives, different actions
You could know someone for years
And know nothing about them

Born after a tumultuous year
A year like no other
Filled with uncertainty, anguish
Pain and heartbreak like no other

But a light is shining, CRC
A year reborn with a flame
Of hope to keep us going
Bringing light out of darkness

Will next year be better?
Will anything change?
It starts with you
A Phoenix lighting flames across the nation

The pin is standing on point

Right on the edge

Finally quiet enough

Waiting for the fall

That will shatter the glass heart

Tell me pretty lies instead of the harsh truths
Tell me you love me even if you don't
That you'll be here forever even if it's two days
Tell me you miss me instead of forgetting me
Tell me everything will be ok when I know it won't be

The puppet master sits in the background
He looks just like me or you or anyone at all
But more goes on in his head that cannot be
Seen, he begins to silently pull strings, unknown
To anyone but himself, He pulls the strings but
Also lays a web to catch the unbeknownst like
A deadly spider in the shadows, carefully he begins
A dastardly plan laying down the webs, strings and
Grinning At what is to come, people talk to him never
Seeing what goes on in his head it’s almost ready he
Thinks, he watches carefully from the background
Smiling as everyone falls into place,
He pulls the strings to the puppets who move along thinking
It’s their own choices but the puppet master in is charge

I don't remember how we started talking
I don't remember becoming friends
I don't remember when I started using
Stupid words that I would never use
I don't remember how it started
I don’t remember when that smile got me
I don't remember falling in love
I don’t remember
I remember talking about the boys you
Chased
I remember holding you as the same
Boys made you cry
I remember coming over just to ******* life
I remember doing anything to make you smile
I remember watching us break apart
I remember you finding him
I remember falling in a hole
I remember the pain seeing you with him
I remember wishing it was me
I remember

A family of sheep live in harmony, all from different areas
Different ages and different ideas. They all came together
United in a friendship, strong enough to be called a family
But there are wolves out there…. Terrible creatures that
Want nothing more to attack the sheep. They once might
Of been sheep, but something dark and twisted shaped them
Into the creatures they are now. They stalk, coming closer to
The family, moving in to destroy the harmony they live in
But as they come close they feel a presence pushing at them
Something protecting the sheep, something dark as them, sending
Shivers down the wolves spines, something terrible enough
To scare the mighty wolves

A mighty bear, massive in size, vast bigger than the wolves
The bear has strong curved claws ready to attack any that
Approach. Its speed is also a deadly trait the bear possesses
Able to out run any evil coming at him. The bear also has a
A super amazing sense of smell, able to smell the stench from
Miles away.
The bear perks up, catching the smell of a creature that doesn’t
Belong…

The other creature is the sheepdog. Though not as big as the
Bear the sheepdog has a presence that scares the wolves.
The sheepdog has fangs as long as the wolves and attacks
Just as ferocious as the wolves. While the bear knows when
Violence can be avoided by scaring the wolves away, the
Sheepdog does not know this, he jumps at the violence
Instead, taking the impulse to attack and destroy, marking
Him close to the wolves.

The bear circles to the sheepdog and together they move to
The wolves, ready to protect the family behind them
The wolves leave, scattering to avoid them, facing away
From the ever presence

Putting the hurt behind her
Getting away from being in bad places
She cut away those who hurt her and
Finally realized the heart that needed healing
Was hers

She's finally happy
And you are part of the happy
You help make her happy
I see it in the way she looks at you
The way you open the door for her
In the looks when you aren't paying attention

She's finally happy
She's been through so much pain getting here both from me and others
Finally having the stars align

You are apart of the happiness
But should it turn to pain
Like others before
Heaven or hell

I will put you through more pain than she ever experienced

About my looks this week?

Or my job, or one I'm trying to get?

The friendships that are strained?

The bills that keep coming in?

Or that I have one beer left?

What should I stress about this week?

Any of these?

Of course not because I still have another beer and friends who say hey

What do you see in me?

Do you the sarcastic funny kid in class
Or the exhausted adult who barely sleeps
Do you see the romantic?
Or the heartbroken man who's not sure what love is anymore?
What do you see when you look into me?
I stare into the mirror
I'm not sure what I see anymore

You hide in shadows
Always reading never speaking
Thinking I can't see you
But I see through the shadows
You can't hide from me
So just come out and face the light

Sincerely
King of broken hearts

I was amiss stranded in a hurricane of my feelings
Trying to figure out which way to land without
A lighthouse to guide me, trying to conceal
The fact I was slowly sinking throughout
That long hot summer
But you were there I heard that blissful
Music that slowly guided me it had my what
Was left of my heart back together and making
It whole again
We talked on and on had amazing memories
First person texted in the morning, last one
At night
I was slowly repairing the hurt, fixing me and
My broken heart, having a little more faith
In the world that before.
But it wasn’t that
You guided my ship but not to land but to the
Jagged rocks that was your home
That sweet music was just your siren song
Pulling in misguided sailors into the trap
You laid
I was almost as struck, no idea how to get
Out of the mess that you put me in but
I have amazing friends that never left me
They stayed by my side when no one else
Would and like Odysseus my friends bounded
Me and guided me through the sirens song
To finish my journey

Healing is not an instant thing
It starts slowly, moving for each person differently
You start in the pain, everything reminding you of what happened
The sad songs that come on the radio, the posts you use to tag them in, the time of the day when you would text them
You think everything is lost, that you can't smile, be happy or think about the future
But then the healing starts
You start to smile when a friend makes you laugh, you get invited out and don't think about them for the time, you see a post and think about someone else
The pain and sadness is not gone but the healing starts to lessen it. It will still take a long time to be whole again but the healing process has started
and the healing and hope begin to make you  whole

He’s sitting there, Beats on music bumping
Losing himself in the rhythm letting the flow
Psych him up, his coach walks over and yells
At him GET YOUR *** OUT THERE. He takes
Off his headphones the final beat bringing
Back a memory

He was sitting there, the coach told him to
Take the bench, the other starter was out
There, where he should be. Gym class picked
Last again told he ***** no one wants him.
He’s tired of not being good enough he vows
To never let it happen again. And so he dedicates
Himself, pushing, driving, putting in the work
Needed to be a star, almost giving up
He never did

The ref looks at him and tells him to step up.
He steps up to the mat, he skates to the line,
He breaks from the huddle, toes the invisible
Line, steps up to the plate, steps  Up next to his
teammate, steps up to the foul Line
The whistle blows

He shoots for the legs, he passes the puck
He throws the spiral, he throws his hands up
He swings his bat, passes the ball, takes the
Shot…..
He pins him in 30 secs and wins the championship,
He puts the puck in the back of the net for
The win, He throws another touchdown
Pass, He pulls down the most amazing catch
He crushes the ball for a homerun,
He kicks the ball into the net, he swishes
The ball, nothing but net

They call him the legend, champion
The monster, invincible, hall of famer
They ask how he done it?
He never gave up on that vow and he
Step up

Once again minutes after coming home
I tell myself it's been a long day
Tell myself it's just a drink
But the bottom is deep as a well

Will this be the one that pushes me over
The edge that is narrower than a line

Will I spiral completely out of control,
Will I still have a relationship with my kids
Or will I become a distant memory
Of a parent who couldn't be there

I stare into the bottle two sides waging
A war over my future but which one will become mine?