I’m standing here holding
The note you gave me
Telling me to read it in
Secret, spilling out your
Feelings to me, about our
Past our present even our
Future
But a short couple weeks later
The future dissolved, never to
Happen, now I’m walking rereading
The last couple lines, staring into
The page even though I have it
Memorized
I finally stop, holding the note
Looking at the last bit of memories
As I pull out the old lighter from
My pocket. As I flick it on having the
Small flame poke out, I put it against
The paper watching the note catch
On fire. I watch it as slowly inch by
Inch the note turns to ash
I look up at the sky looking back
At everything that’s happened,
Maybe now the heart that was
Shattered can slowly start healing
And maybe after all this time I can
Move on

The seer is a mystical flow in time

Once you connect with one your future becomes clear to them

But an unaware one won't be able to see clearly

Seeing flashes but not knowing what it means

Penning their thoughts, thinking they are forgetting you but seeing the pain in the distance

Forgetting about it until right before knowing something is wrong

Oh seer oh seer you saw my pain but unknown to you at the time

I ask you

Will the pain go away?

Of a shy little girl named G
Shy and quiet she worked in the dark
As time went on she earned her title
Queen of Fixing hearts
She used her heart to mend those who
Did not deserve to be fixed

But there was a catch
These hearts she tried fixing were poisoned
Slowly hurting her heart as she tried fixing others

Heartbreak and pain time after time
Until finally someone caught her eye
A shining light in the darkness
Now it was her hearts time to be fixed

After so many heartbreaks and darkness
The Queen lost her title of Fixing hearts
Now she is the Queen to her King
The happiest of endings to the most deserving

The sweatshirt you left in my truck
When I worked in buffalo
You saying you can't have your wedding
Without me next to you as the man of honor

When you randomly check in on me
And ask how I'm doing
When I opened up to you and you
Supported and believed me i needed someone

When I dissociated and freaking out
And you rubbed my arm and told me to focus on the cold

When I needed comfort you were there for me even when not next to me

Thank you

Made me giddy when we just made plans
I had to get ready, shower, outfit change
Get out the door and get there early

I was nervous as hell as we sat talking
Hoping she couldn't see the nervousness
As I got lost in her smile and eyes

This feeling I haven't felt before
Nervous like I'm back in school
Asking a girl out for the first time

It excites and scares me whatever this
Feeling is

To the one who took me on field trips
To the one who picked me up from school
To the one who bought me video games when I broke my leg
To the one who called my nightmares
To the one who cared for me

To the one who tore my family apart
To the one who left my sister without a motherly figure
To the one who made me not trust anyone
To the one who made me question peoples motives
To the one who made me grow up while still a child

To the one who almost broke me

Demons hide in many forms they hide, masking as friends,
Choosing targets, settling on me, wrapping me up in their plans.
Leading me astray, down a path of destruction
And just as quick they vanished Leaving me alone letting
The world take punches trying to get a KO punch
Knocking me down until I’m on my knees ready to
Give in

But God saw something in me be it pity, faith, hope, resilience
I don’t know but he sent down into my life A Trio of Angels
They saved me and banished the demons and gave me
Hope I was lifted out from the hole was given strength to
Get back out and battle back for my life. I feared no evil
Or demons, ready to fight back and accomplish and to
Never quit

Most people are blessed to see an angel in their lives
Once. An angel that got them back on track. I was blessed
With a Trio of Angels they work in magical ways
Always knowing how to fix the problems I’m dealing with
Knowing how to save my soul before it was gone
My life took a U-turn from where it was because of
A Trio of Angels

The mess of breakups is
Despite how hurt she is
He is to
They both show it in different ways

But both are heartbroken
Both are lost without each other
They both lost their bestfriend
Both are miserable
Each deal with it differently
Friends and family helping

But for him demons came knocking
Seeing everything as lost he let them in

It's been hard.
I've always been on the other end supporting my friends
Being there for them
Now i feel broke

I've been having panic attacks at the mention of certain things
My heads a mess
I keep being told it's not my fault

But

Everytime i hear it
I say it in my head
I break down
trying not to lose it crying

They say it's normal
This isn't normal for me

So what am I now?

I wish I could write and make you see
The beauty in your smile
The way sunsets and sunrises don't compare
To the gorgeous soul you have

I wish I could write and help you see
What you bring to this world
It take a special person to look at the world
Smiling and working to change it one step at a time

I wish I didn't have to hide behind a screen
To tell you how I feel and what to say
I wish I had the confidence that comes out with these poems
And not the social anxiety that i deal with everyday

I wish I could help you understand that in this ******* up head
When you ask me if I'm doing ok and make sure I am
It brightens my day more than you can know
If i can only transfer my feelings from this poem to the words i speak

Maybe we both could be happy together
But these feelings won't leave this poem and these words will go unspoken

Two figures walked towards me
One bathed in a peaceful calming aura
The other, a intense heat and sense of sin
The Lord of Heaven, and Gatekeeper of Hell

They stand before me puzzled
Neutral? How can he be neutral?
There has never been someone
With equal sin and holyness

It is true though, I am Neutral
For ages as wars wagered
Natural disasters stuck
Sickness and old age took lives

I have been the carrier of the people

I've held grandmothers and newborns
Soldiers barely a adult, those running into danger
Conflict and strife and evil on the world
I have been there every time to gather the souls

What they do not realize is why I am here

For I am Death

And I am here to collect the two who caused me
To collect these souls for millennium

Now it is there turn

I used to be the friend who people went to
When they were scared, afraid
I was there to protect and shelter them
No one hurt them with me standing by their side

But when I'm on that end

What happens when you feel broke
When you feel scared and vulnerable
Like it's my fault I'm the problem
When happens when I can't look myself in the mirror without crying?
What happens now

What happens when the protector becomes broken?

I'm a Miller light after work
You are a sweet glass of wine at dinner
I'm a old pair of jeans
You are a sundress

I'm a beat up flannel seen deep in the woods
You are sweet tea on a sunny day
I'm a beat up hat on this old head
You are heart sunglasses looking just right

I'm a pair of square toes and working with my hands
You are a pair of scrubs helping this world heal

We may look like opposites like bourbon and tequila

But much like ying and yang
Comedy and drama
Popcorn and m&Ms
Ice tea and lemonade
Bonfires and beer on a summer Saturday night

We were made for each other just right for one another

I'm always scared I annoy people
Especially my friends
I always reach out and send messages
And snap pictures through the day

I'm scared to be alone in my thoughts
When the one person I talk all day is busy
I'm alone and scared to be
So I reach out

But I feel like I'm harassing and annoying
Pushing people away from me
When I'm trying to just not be alone
So I'm sorry to annoy

But hello from the alone

It's hard to write at times
Sharing what I feel
Heartbreak comes easy to me
And I'm happy

Any uneasy feeling I keep bottled
Hoping it'll go away
Because I don't want to jinx
What makes me happy

But if it's one thing I know
Darkness always comes back
For it never leaves

The King of Broken Hearts

Love can be like a gentle rain
Showing you the beauty that's around
It can also be a raging storm
Filled with destruction in it's path

Like nature love can change just as quick

I really want to show you my writings
Show you the pain the caused
All the scars you left behind
Blown up relationships
I wish you can read
And see what you done to me
But you don't care
So I'll write to an empty audience
In the mean time

Do my friends know I love them?
Do my soulmates know how much they mean to me?
Do those I lost touch with know I miss them?
Time in endless but passes so fast
I try to show it but I can only do so much
So to my friends I still love you
My soulmates make me whole
And those that got left in the past,
I'm sorry

I could be read by one
Or millions
Win awards for my writings
Or have them ripped apart
But no matter I will still write
For that one who may need it
Or want it

I wish life was more like a book
I can read the thoughts and feelings
Of those close to me
It would make it easier to know who
Would be there for me if everything came
Crashing down

It's hard not knowing who would be there
Who would catch you as you are falling
Because everyone says they would be
But not everyone will be there

After so many people who said they would be here forever
And forever being a short time how can you know?

It's hard for me to tell, when everyone likes you but no one cares about you

I look in the mirror and hate what I see
A broken shell where 3 months before everything
Was finally working out
Own place, happy relationship career taking off

Now I look and see a empty apartment
All alone, career on pause
Stand still in the moment
Looking at the mirror disgusted by my body

I can barely look at it
Barely want to be touched
Afraid to be again

Sinking once again
Trying to fix my mental
But then that night happened
And now i dropped, hard and fast

Hard to love yourself when you feel broken

I've hurt so many in the past
Broken hearts by the number
But one is finally happy
One is finally happy

So many have been hurt
One day they may heal
From the brokeness that I left them
They may all hate me

But hopefully they heal
Hopefully I heal eventually
As long as one is finally happy
Out of them all at the end of it

For one to be happy

I'm glad it's you

Usually I do not care if anyone reads my poems
I know a few do and even if they lie and do not it doesn't bother me
But sometimes I want some to respond
To say something and talk to me

Do I need to be more blunt?
Do I need to call them out?
The blonde bestie, sista sista, sweetheart, my secret fan?
Or do I say nothing like always and simply drift to the back of readers minds

The old world is dying
The new world isn't formed
So monsters roam
And evil lurks
Don't be fooled
Don't be alarm
Monsters aren't under the bed
They look like me and you

At one with the outdoors, one would think she's Artemis
Animals adore her more than I
Tied hair back boots laced up she sets off
Finding peace among the trees
Enjoying nature as nature enjoys her presence
She appears as calm as the trees around her
Though a hurricane sits underneath to protect those she loves
The wilderness is one with her and her with nature
Many will call her different names but I call her love

I spiraled during the day hard
First writing, then reading
Then talking to mama bear

Feeling down after writing
Bringing on fight or flight first
Thing in the morning
Finally breaking down crying

Trying to keep my head over the waves
But with only a small light in the dark
It's hard to see the future but with
Yesterday and the days before

How do I unstuck from that moment?

But why do I still write about you?
You hacked and slashed me into pieces,
Taking a quick exit when you could
Leaving me alone in the aftermath

You haven't been apart of my life in years
But why does my head still tell me how
You are going to slither back into it to
Destroy me again

You don't have power over my life anymore but why do I still feel powerless