Something about this winter seems colder than ever.
Late.
Sudden.
All at once.
It's the type of cold I haven't felt in a long time. Lingering.
Something you can't get rid of.
A breath of fog in the air.
Old memories.
Air that replenishes you. Making things new.
Air you don't mind suffering for.
Chilled to the bone.
Fingers numb. Toes nonexistent.
But sometimes still, I stand on my porch, cold, dreaming of blankets, and cocoa, and you.
Snow falls on my skin. Chilling. A reminder of how cold it really is, and I have to pretend that you didn't cross my mind.

I looked in the mirror and hesitated
I got nervous from being watched so i procrastinated
Then I got closer to my viewer
Seen the emptiness staring at me
And asked God for a reason not to perform this show

I received 2 messages ,1 from lust
The other from foolishness
Neither were from her
So I kept on my debate
Questioning sanity and life
I lit candles to help me see where to go

I hesitated again and heard the voice
"You've done this plenty times before
Look at you,You've got scars galore
WHAT THE HELL YOU WAITING FOR?"
I don't know but something changed

"I'll do this myself!" SLICE! SLICE!
Blood flowed from my arm to my wrist
A perfect "X" drawn into it
But instead of pain I felt strange

I cried because I felt nothing therefore
Couldn't be alive, That meant I had died
Or went insane

So I laid, sobbing on the floor, Cause it's
Easier to clean blood stains from here

Then she called so I wiped my tears