I just pop an extra pill
Man I'm feeling sluggish
My baby up and left
She's said I'm overly jealous

I'm hellish
A little tipsy off the *** tonight
Tell me if your up tonight
I don't want to keep you up all night

But since you left
I'm going to double text
Blow up your line
Until I pass out this time

See we been here before
Fights all crazy
We been here once more
Words are getting lazy
Why aren't you here to tell me it's alright?
I'm asking because just maybe you are right

But you said you had to go
But my arms are your home
I swear I'm just scared
I can't be alone

Let the drugs call my name
In your voice they scream out take away your pain
Alcohol to drown it all
Girl I'm going insane

Your phone number on speed dial
I might drive your way
But my vision is twisted
The roads are spinning

I tried to reach you but I can't dial your digits
Oh god I'm praying
The car is racing
My eyes are bleeding

I just wanted you here
But my anger is too strong
Like the ***** spilling in this car
The light I swear was green

Baby can you hear my scream
Ohh no no
Ohhh no no
I can't believe this scene..
Body laying dead
I can't believe that's me.
Now you crying cause I did this all for you

Gun in your hand.
Baby no!
You say we go as two..
****..

My body is ash
My voice is breaking glass
My heart is stone
Ever since you left
I have no home

I let the blood run
  2 am..
It's 2 am.
I should be asleep but instead I found a thin piece of metal
A blade
A beautiful blade
I think how does it feel
So I sink the edge in my skin like teeth & it stings
Oh it stings yet I feel
I feel it ripping my flesh
Releasing the blood within
A rush
What a rush
So I need
I need it again and again
How deeply will my skin indulge the metals end
Sitting in a tub I freeze
Blood fills past my knees
I start the water
I watch the color swirl
I need more
Just one more
But this time it was just an inch too deep
The sting rings pulling my body to sink
Head submerged I forget to breathe
Then what's next no one will believe
The vein sliced more like severed I was reaching for heaven
But a horrid cry asking why.
All I could say as the water drained "I did it for the pain mama I did it for the blade.."

At night I cradle the words you speak
I pray to the heavens for the possibility that we may be we but in more than our love can transpire.
To send our love , our souls & mend the heavens once broken in shame.
Ask for forgiveness but love with the power that will never change.
And if we fall asleep in the depths of pain a hand from the heavens will reach and pull us from our hurt
Pull us from the dirt
Allowing us to rise from and be set free to the clouds
All I'm asking for is the rare chance you will be my greatest forgiveness and best mistake
Take this heart god has blessed me with and allow me to show you my true beauty.
Trust in the faith that I will hold you as an angel
Praise with you

It's those homes filled with the still silence that captivate my imagination
Tell me when will it fill with anguish and ignite
Waiting for the volcanic eruptions at night
I feel the devastation of the children
Covering their ears from this vile institution
It's the homes that grow dark before dawn that bellow my intuition
The homes like my own
Where the walls bleed the craze of contemplation
Suicide is the door bell eoching through the isolation
Cries of lies are the flames that blaze the crippling imperfections
Those homes with no lights to guide
Just like mine.
That intrigue my inner hatred that never was allowed to believe

BUT NOBODY TOLD ME THE FUNERAL NEVER ENDS.

IT'S BEEN ELEVEN YEARS NOW, AND THE CASKET'S STILL LOWERING.

*"LEAVE ME HERE MOM. LEAVE ME HERE. I'M DEAD TOO."

I would never write a poem about you. .
Rather I'd trip over feelings that are so true
Trying to attack.
Relive, transpire.
The feelings we once knew.
But I'd never write a poem about you.
Not about the poisoned filled lips that kissed my worried cheeks
Or the mesmerizing way you walked
Oh how you walked so keen.
No never would I speak of the way I fell in love without plan
Especially when I fell & you just ran
Why waste a rhyme scheme
Why waste the precious words I've developed to address my emotions
When I was a 3 & you were a 10
Now all I have is us in my dreams
**** this reality
I would never write a poem about you
As if there weren't already a million written just stuck in my head