currently wishing
my uber driver would shut the **** up for half a minute

I just want to listen
to Joy Division
in silence;
with nothing
but the pressure
of my inescapable apathy

please shut up;
I really don't care
that two children were hit
by a tractor trailer this morning,
only a bit jealous.
I never thought I'd meet
someone as lonely as me,
but the continual conversation
that you regurgitate
proves otherwise.
I wish I could be
taken out
by a tractor trailer -
at this point,
I'll settle for anything.

uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I feel as though this trip
is a metaphor
for my waking life:
just a blur of scenery
flying by,
while a stranger
makes noises at my depression -
and I just,
uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I hate how
I hate everything

hate
how lonely I am

how regardless
of who
surrounds me,
        comforts me,
                loves me,
I still feel like I'm alone

welcome to the void

It was many and many a year ago,
  In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
  By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
  Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
  In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
  I and my ANNABEL LEE;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
  Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
  In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
  My beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
  And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
  In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
  Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
  In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
  Chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
  Of those who were older than we—
  Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
  Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
  In her sepulchre there by the sea—
  In her tomb by the side of the sea.

She's out of her mind.
Wild as can be.
In bed she's an animal.
Dark hair,
Soft lips,
Lord, she drives me crazy.

She can make a woman turn homosexual, Or a homosexual man turn straight.
She is uncontrollably ****,
But what is it that I really know about her?

She's out of her mind.
A daredevil.
She's got all the right things about her,
If you're craving the *** of your life.

Going on a date means fearing for jail time.
She's that insane.
Not a care in the world.
But still I am skeptical of her sanity.

I come home,
Kicking my shoes off in the closet.
I look down, and I see something.
Something shocking,
And frightening.
And red.

A trail of blood leads to where?
The bedroom?
The bathroom?
The kitchen?
I'll start with the kitchen since it's close.

Holding my fists up as if I am a champion,
I stumble into the dark kitchen.
A silhouette visible, but no face to be seen.
I flick the lights on,
It is her smiling,
Holding a knife,
as they're both covered in blood.

Slowly and erotically licking the blood off of the knife,
she starts to giggle viciously.
Looking down at the corpse next to her,
an unfamiliar face frozen in terror.

Using the knife to slit the side of her dress,
It falls on the floor like a feather.
She stand's there in her bra and *******,
Motioning her finger for me to come to her.

"I want you right now", she said.
My heart is beating fast.
I'm petrified.
I'm alone.
I'm stuck with a killer,
And she wants me right now.

I had seen a woman that I once knew.
She shattered my heart,
Leaving me cold and blue.
Although it was yesterday since I last cried,
It has been a decade since she had died.

Sanity abandoned my life,
The minute I asked her to be my wife.
Once she fell for a new man,
I then became her biggest fan.

Photography became a hobby of mine.
Oh how her eyes were beautiful when they shined,
In the lenses of my polaroid.
It was my heart she viciously destroyed.

Her lips pressed passionately on her new love's,
As if they were two white Turtle Doves.
He pulled her clothes off,
One by one.
In my car I sat,
Loading my gun.

The smell of fear was loud,
In the atmosphere gliding in a crowd,
Of particles kissing spatters of blood.
Her screams could wake the neighborhood.

On this day I weep in pain,
As I recall an abundance of blood to drain.
Though being reminded is not hard,
Her apparition is not far.

In cold sweats I awake at night.
My sanity tender as it builds a fright.
This is no hallucination,
She's here with me,
Causing fear to flow through my still body.

Creeping towards my king sized bed,
Her eyes shined bright blood red.
She opens her mouth so bold and wide,
To remind me that I am why she died.

Sarah Castle, please be kind.
Your beauty is rare.
It can cure the blind.
But how sinister you seem tonight,
I don't appreciate this uncomfortable fright.

Screaming loud,
So ominously and cold.
Your smell is like the smell of mold,
Yet beauty is still a quality.

Horrific and beautiful.
Deadly and lovely,
I remember you just as one.
Now you come to visit me,
Holding my loaded gun.

The laughter you create,
As I cry and sway about.
I have soiled my underpants,
As you hover and shout.

******! ******!
You so boldly scream at me,
I apologize for my actions,
You will always be my lovely.

Farewell sweet Sarah.
I'll see you in my dreams.
Just please do me a kindness,
And cease those horrifying screams.

Starting with a sudden thought,
Which then leads to rapid negative emotions.
The heart beats as fast as a jackhammer,
my right leg mimics the motion.

A tight and sharp sensation is felt in my lungs,
With hyperventilation to follow.
My mind races like a stallion.
The feeling of anxiety is at play.

Am I going to die?
Will I experience the worst imaginable?
Is my nausea leading to a sea of bile on the floor?
Here comes my loss of balance.

As my hands start to shake,
My legs continuing to tap,
I pray for the lord to give me a break.
I fail to sleep.
I refuse to take a nap.

The subconscious is strong.
Too strong to bare.
The flesh is weak.
Weak as the mind it protects.

A little pill to sedate the patient,
A pill that's small and yellow.
With my antispasmodics adjacent,
These pills aim to mellow,
The one ailment causing these symptoms.

Anxiety.
Such a fancy word.
A synonym for evil.
They say everybody has anxiety.
But do they understand fully on what happens inside of me?

I will forever be cursed,
With mental instability.
As my mind so ominously bursts,
My thoughts hold me victim to infidelity.

Made love to the puddles
Formed by imaginary friends
Imaginary rain clouded minds
Imaginary people
Imaginary boundaries
Keeping ones heart away
Ripping
Tearing
Bursting at the seams

Water pours into a glass
A pessimistic stream
Filled to the brim
But claims a half empty life
Uncovering skeletons
Digging up a half buried knife

A body a waterfall
Pressurized, cascading
A river of consciousness
Floodgates, brainwaves
High tide, kisses the shore
Like clasping clammy hands
Nervous souls
Too afraid to try
Too afraid to dive
Not afraid to die