We are under attack
bombs of heart attacks
both emotional and real
We are under attack
with suicide and bullying
people turning on us like that
We are under attack
yet all we do is fight each other
We don't stand tall and last long
we fight and die for not
because we cant believe
that we are under attack
all we care about is the fact
that your neighbor just called you fat
but what you didn't know
was her dad is dying of cancer
she is trying to find the answer and you are mad
because she called you fat
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
and I realized that
we need to take our guns
and point them at the real enemy
not each other
listen to me
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
and its not gettin better
people are gettin sicker
and no one fights for that
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
its time we fight back

She was girl with the world on her fingertips
yet she didn't know couldn't see how it could end
No hope
she was hopeless even though
she could make it
She was put down
for being loud and proud
She was let down
by everyone around her
But she didn't see
her fire
She was put down
left out
broken down
She was a girl with nothing but the beating heart in her chest
yet she loved everyone and spread her  joyfulness
Smiling wide trying to forget her past
She tried to make through and pass her test
She was worth it
thinking she was
Worthless
and she was amazing
But she didnt see
her fire
She was put down
She was left out
She was broken down
Tried to please
tried to be
everything but who she was
she disapeared
left from here
all because she couldnt see
her fire

I used to sing about a girl with a fire inside of her
As a kid I always craved the flames
Wanted them licking and my mind
At The very essence of who I was

I craved the heat they created
The warmth I could surround myself in
That others would run from

Now I became that girl
But my fire got out of hand
Like a forest fire all I needed was one dead branch
For my flame to devour
Till everything started to go sour
I was burning on the inside
By the flame I craved
The heat I once  controlled
Started to capture me
The warmth imprisoned my mind
Until it started to shake my body
My fire was suppose to be something i loved
Little did I know
Flames can't love you back
They just take you
All of you
Until only a shell of your self is left

Schizotypal
Borderline
Histronic
Narcissistic
Avoidant
Dependent

I want a man
someone to hold onto
somone I can trust
I will never give up
until I find the one

Dear Jenny
I hope one day you will remeber me
i know i am fading from your memory
you stopped thinking about me

you want people who are there
and ever since you moved you havent seemed to care
if im ok

I know we said that it will never work
I know long distant relationships always end in heart break
but my heart is breaking every time I try to call you on my phone
and i realize you changed your number
but that is not the only thing that changed
instead of long letters they have gotten short
Your usual I love you
has been replaced by a sincerely
and even though everyone says it doesnt mean anything
it means something
to me
so i know i am fading from your memory
you stopped thinking about me
so this is the last letter from me you will see
Sincerely
       The one you left behind

Hiding is easy
when you have been taught your entire life to shape shift
when you have learned the art of stealing identities
and when you mimic actions like a mirror  
these powers
make the art of turning invisible easy
and its not helping me
because to get help
you need to be seen

You should go to therapy*

Well you should open your eyes
Don't pretend im the only one dead inside
I just show it
More than i can say of you
You hid it all behind all you jokes
A meaniless thing to do
So who.needs freaking therapy
Definitely not me
I know how i am
And i have people who care for me
Unlike you who actually needs therapy

It was late at night
I was so tired I didn't even put up a fight
I didn't realize my front door was open
I wish I would of known
And made sure my door was closed
Because that night I wasnt alone
I was 9 months pregnant
The day before
It was the day after I had my baby they came through the door
3 men all dressed in black
But it only took one man
To make me lay dead my back
They didn't just take the tv
They took away my babies mommy
And she went to live her daddy
But her daddy couldn't stop drinking
I don't think those thiefs didn't know what they were stealing

The twisted reality is that bones break. People literally break and you dont always get better. Lives end, stories end, and people rarely get new beginings. The twisted reality is that none of what you thought as a kid was true. Not everyone can be president, and you cant be who you want to be. The twisted reality is that there are monsters in some little girls rooms, and thier moms cant make them go away. The twisted reality is that nightmares only end when you do, you dont get to wake up and think everything is fine. The twisted reality is that your parents lie to you. Not everyone is beautiful, not everyone is talented, and not everyone can be special. The twisted reality is that someone in your current school will become a 'villian' before thier life is over. The twisted reality is that we are all villians. Doing horrible things for what we think is right. The twisted reality is that most people will ignore what i am saying. Live in the lie. The twisted reality is people die thinking everything is fine.

I dont matter
I'm full of sonder
sometimes I wonder
what does it truly mean
its all so empty
nothing matters
souls scattered
hearts tattered
sanity ripped at the seams
nothing matters
and nothing is sadder
than realizing it

This is the world we live in
And I don't feel safe here
Scared to walk down the street in broad daylight
Hiding in fright
While people **** in pure spite

This is the world we live in
And I'm scared as hell
The bad guys are everywhere
And some of them wear uniforms
So who do I call when I'm hurt?

This is the world we live in
Where safety is unheard of
A terrorist attack is more likely
than a black man getting arrested calmly
And **** whistles are a necessity

This is the world we live in
And this world *scares me

Shes stealing everything to me
like a magnet all i love is being drawn to her
and over and over she reminds me of what i lost
and she doesnt care

well i hope-pray she burns hell

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

A religous freak is what they called me
well i say this is not religion
this is the safety net i fall to when all other things fail
this is hope
the fuel that keeps me going
long after all of my friends have stopped
this is not religion
this is a relationship with someone who will never fail me
this
this is the never ending love i will feel till the end of time
while you spend your days feeling
empty
empty becuase wont live knowing his love
his grace
the things he does to make your life great
and dont say it isnt
because there are people out there
worse of than you
who would die to have a pair of Jordans
or any type of shoes
this is not religion
this is knowledge of whats out thier
realizing what you refuse
taking blame for what you do
instead of hating the person who tells you what you do is sin
Love the God who gives you a way back from it
he makes you whole
helps you let it all go
but no matter how much you hate your soul
he can show you love
more than you deserve
make you feel better than the drugs that leave you wanted more
or the person who leaves you crying on the floor
God will never leave you
its as simple as that
this is not religion
its the love that keeps my soul intact
keeps me whole
God will never let me go
this is not a religion
its a raltionship that only me and God know

By this time next year
I wonder where I will be
This page shows my identity
The wrongs and rights done to me
What I'm feeling is evident in all my readings
So what will my hello poetry say
This time next year
I hope it's happy
I hope my poems read with an element of sanity
But who knows
Maybe I won't be alive to write anything
I honestly wonder where I will be
This time next year

If life is so short why do we do so many things we don’t like
and like so many things we don’t do?
Why don't we take a chance and do what we can
to be more you
people
you aren't opening the doors God puts in your path
you aren't making your time here on earth last
you are just living day to day
so you can support a kid who will grow up ad do the same thing
people you aren't listening
man up
become something
because your clock is ticking
live to the fullest before
your clock stop ringing

Time never stops
but I think thats a lie
time stops when you see a beautiful bird grace across the sky
time stops when you look into the person you love's eye
time stops when you see a dance that makes you wanna cry
time stops when you look at the beauty of life

Time goes really fast
dont waste it worrying about me

People love that saying

time heals all wounds

but when you live long enough

you will realize most cleches

are true

its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can acomplish

the cuts it can close

the imperfections it can smoothe over

but in the end

it comes down to the size of the wound

doesnt it?

if the wound is deep enough

there might be no way to keep it from festering

even if you have

all the time in the world

Im tired
of being tired

Every day I try to make progress
but I feel like I'm running on a treadmill

On August 2010
something changed him so he will never be the same again
he was disabled even before
but he fell into the water and made it worse
you see he was disabled but wouldn't let it show
he was even a parole officer he wouldn't let his injury let him slow
but then he fell in the lake
his son was standing a few feet away
he screamed then the ambulance came
his fall awoke a sleeping giant in his spine
so now he cant move his legs
The goverment  gave them a raise of 1 percent
but that didn't do much of anything
to this day his injuring is the same
and it wont go away



His name is Larry Phillips and he is entered to win a disabilty truck that will change his life forever. All he needs is your vote. So please go on the website and vote vote vote! Trust me this will change his life.

http://www.mobilityawarenessmonth.com/entrant/larry-phillips-arab-al/

Trust is like glass
Easily broken
Hard to restore

Don't let me fall
please catch me
I'm trusting you don't you see
I'm failing and you can't even see me
Please don't prove me wrong
See my faults
Catch me before i fall

you ruined me, i can't trust anymore

Its unanimous
In otherwords all the shy people shut up
Forget what you think and put your hands up
Its unanimous
Your mouth is shut
All the word unanimous does
is throw the whispers in the dust

You thought I would fail
You expected me to crack
You wanted me to run and never look back
then your confused when I don't do that

Your pressure I pushed it of
Your challenge I took it
You told me I was nothing and I ignored it
I beat it

I didn't fall
I stood tall
I beat you all
You can't make me look small

Because I am unchangeable
Unbreakable
believable
not tolerable
but favorable
I am Unbeatable

You thought I would fail
you expected me to crack
but I beat you
and I'm never looking back

I dont have natural hair...
Get Over It.
yes being natural is great
I wish my hair would look the same
but it's not

My hair, its filled with knots
and they wont come out
when I was younger when I saw a comb I would shout
so my mother got tired of me screaming out
and she gave me a perm
when it first went in it burned
but after that it was fine

my mother just did what she thought was right
no need to start a fight
I think my hair looks alright
so your the one with the problem
you have hated my braids ever since you saw 'em
and you tell me I'm wrong
then you go sing your 'I'm natural song'
Yet your insecure
You don't like you hair as much as you like mine
and to tell you the truth I don't care if I'm wrong or right
I like my UNNATURAL HAIR just fine

Him: I have such a hard life, no one cares about me but you
                                                                ­            
                                                    ­                                                      i dont care
                                                            ­                                                 delete
                                                        ­                                         I dont love you
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                                  I'm a liar
                                                            ­                                                  delete
      ­                                                                 ­                                 I'm suicidal
                                                        ­                                                      delete
  ­                                                                 ­                  I wish i could help you
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                         I'm to far gone
                                                                ­                                              delete
          ­                                                                 ­                                   Me too:her

Poemss left unwritten
Words unspoken
I cant keep goin
On like this
You would think i could take hint
My whole life that is all i have given
You followed my trail of bed crumbs
But i cant find yours
I dont want this to be a chore
I dont mean to be a bore
I want you to tell me more
Please that's all i ask
Share with me
As i did with you
At this point im running out of trails
I dont know what to do

You remind me of her
All to well
From the suicide jokes to the lack of faith in me
Your so similar it scares me to hell
Because she died
And you did too
And now I'm stuck here torturing myself wondering what would happen if I lost you
And it could  happen
Any day now
Any second
And you wouldn't of known...
Please
Don't go
Because if you go to heaven
I can't follow you
As much as I would like too
I have people here
And I promised myself never to leave somone like she left me
No matter how hard life got
No one deserves to know that type of grief
And your my best friend
I won't tell you no to a lot of things
But you can't die from this
You can't leave me
Again

How was school?

My mind starts racing
looking for wrids
horrible
loney depreesing
disheartning
painful
hateble
Embarssing
A costume party

Yet all I say is good

How am I here again
How did I let my self slip this low
Feel for somone again
I guess I just have a bad taste in men
I need them abusive and ****
Treat me like your ***** *****
And I'll be begging for more
**** me over
And you couldn't keep me away
I'm trying not to look at your text
But I want to know what you have to say
This cycle of destruction
Keeping me at bay
Telling myself that it will all be okay
But it won't be
And I'm not
Okay

I miss him
I would give anything right now to hear his voice
To look into his eyes
And touch his hair
Sometimes I forget what people say about him
I forget he was 'abusive'
I guess love does make you blind
Because while everyone sees this monster
I see the only guy who ever loved me
And I guess only monsters can love me
Or only hurt people who hurt people can love me
Or only he can love me
Regardless that's over now
And the only thing I can think of is sneaking out like I use to
Knock on his door  at 3 am
Just to see his face
Hear whatever he has to say
But I can't do that anymore
I burned that bridge when everyone told me to
And all I want is to take that back
Because now my life lacks
I miss him
But I guess the doesn't matter now
I wonder of how if how i feel ever did

I can't breathe
Like there is something pressing down on my lungs
Stealing the oxygen right out of me
Ripping the strength from every fiber of my body

I'm tired
But I don't want to sleep
Because if I drift away into that abyss
I'm not sure I'll ever leave it
I'm not sure I'll wake up

Why are we here
People always say God put us on this earth for a reason
a purpose
a plan
but that plan isnt specified
I dont know about you
but saying im meant to evangilise
isnt enough for me
I mean i want to know what God wants me to be
or maybe just what future holds for me
becuase life would be simple
if i started off by knowing i was meant to be writing things
but what if that isnt right for me
how do i know im on the path God made for me
I ask these questions and people always say the same thing
that God put me on this earth for a reason
or i will find out in due time
or that i should do what makes me happy
but lets get real
no one  really knows what they are meant to be

I know this is selfish of me
But you can't die
not again
And I know she wasn't you
And I know it's not the same
I know that was different
And I know your gonna be okay
But I just want to let you know
You can't die
Because then
I Won't have a reason to live

She was bueatiful
her hand graced the piano as she played
her voice morphed into something that touched my soul
her feet floating as she danced to her own beat
she was graceful
But alas she couldn't see
you see she didn't she the beauty in  the way she moved
the way she put her hair behind the ear
the way you could always tell what she meant by looking in her bueatiful eyes
but all she saw was her fat thighs
she didn't believe me when I said she was bueatiful
she thought I lied
I could tell by the look in her eyes
that she wasn't planning on surviving past this night
so I held her tight and didn't let her go
I fell asleep and woke to empty sheets next to me
I ran into her room in the morning and found her body cold
she was bueatiful and now she will never know