a whisper
   a tiny little sound
       fell from her lips
          and proceeded to drown
             down went her dreams
                up came her fears
                  out came the screams
                     in stayed the tears
                        "crazy" they mocked
                            "weird" they teased
                                 in a corner she rocked
                                     holding her knees
                                        one by one, redder than red
                                            bad ideas filled her little head
                                              and within a week they marked her
                                                             ­            **dead

sixteen years
what a short span
a thousand tears
this was not the plan

we were growing old
and growing up
and now you grow cold
it's much too abrupt

laughing yesterday night
to mourning your life
oh what a sight
you with that knife

it's quiet
lonely
but my thoughts are
blaring
and you're here
in my mind
why won't you get out
leave me alone
don't smile that way
don't laugh with me
hate my jokes
stop caring



or don't
be with me
be mine
no more teasing
no more tricks
just laughter, smiles
hugs and a kiss
hold me
in the dark


be here
or get out

in
out
back
forth
sleep doesn't come easy
it refuses to stay
i try to eat
but it spills out
i want to cry
but it stays in
i want to scream
but my voice cracks
and i crack too
i feel like a child
a very stressed child
with death heavy on her heart
and life dark in her eyes
i just stand here.
*slipping

"be my wife" he said
i was filled with dread
anything else was easy
if only those words could please me
but after so many lies
they felt less like a prize
and more like a knife
that was stealing my life

your big brown eyes
are much to wise
to sit by my side
and make me your bride

or at least they should be
i am a me, not a we

and even though I'd love to say yes
and walk down an aisle in a long white dress

after so much hurt
I cant say that word

*yes

once again

I find myself looking into your eyes

starting to believe those sweet lies

forgetting about my promise

not bothering to reminisce

once again

I find myself torn in three

between how I feel

what I think

and what I can see

once again

you show up here

just to once again

disappear

there comes a rare day,

between tomorrow and yesterday
where i let myself smile
and ignore what they have to say
and i'm in bliss for awhile
but those come few and rare
because i can't ignore myself
or force myself not to care
about them or wealth

so today i smile
it's all real
for now, and awhile
all i can feel
is happy

somedays i go to sleep
thinking
about you-
and me

other times i wonder
if i'm even worth
your time or words
even a sideways glance

but i'm not
i know that
you'll never care
not truly

but it doesn't
matter to you
or to me
yes, it does

i guess
i'm a liar
i think

hello
i whisper again
staring at the ones
who alter my skin
they smile up asking
how've you been
i don't dare tell the truth
lovely, better now than then*
they mocked my ideas of innocence
and reminded me of the sin
and here i lay
with cuts on my shins

they say home is a place,
but for me 'tis a taste.
they say it is where you grow,
but for me 'tis where you go.
they say that home is where you felt loved,
but that i knew not of.
they say that home is the memories of a childhood,
but i guess my memory's not so good.
they say that home is where you know every turn,
but that is the place that makes my heart churn.
they say that home is the place where your life came true,
but for me, home is with you.