I miss you when you're gone.
You're gone for far far far too long.
You're standing over there.
I can't find you anywhere.
I miss you when you're gone.
You've been gone so so so very long.
You glanced at me just now.
But you're not here, so I'm not sure how.
You're in a mood today.
It's a shame you had to go away.
I miss you when you're gone.
You've been gone for far too long.

I'll see you tonight.
But I have a feeling you won't arrive.
And when you leave, you'll still be erased.
As if you were never there in the first place.
I'll see you tonight.
But I don't think you'll be there.
You'll be where?
Anywhere, but here.
I'm here.

You (perfect) wrapped me (shivering and ridiculous) up in a blanket (warm).
You (wonderful) sat next to me (falling asleep) and ate the sandwich I bought (pretty good).
You (perfect) are perfect. I (loves you) love you.

I couldn't give a **** what heat engines are.
My job is to tell a couple little snot noses to sit their ***** down and drink juice - it's easy and I love it. I couldn't give a **** about heat engines.
(I mean, aren't all engines hot anyway?)
But when I watch you kneeling in front of a whiteboard, drawing out diagrams for your coworker about what you're learning in physics, my heart jumps out of my ******* throat and slaps my computer screen like a raw steak. Not exactly a romantic metaphor I know, but it's accurate.
I never thought Expo pens could be ****. I never thought math could be ****, for ***** sake. But you do it somehow.
Everything about you drives me nuts. Looking at you gives me the biggest feelings I've ever felt, and I get scared I'm going to explode. Really. People say stuff like that, but it's true - it feels like I'm going to explode like some sort of adorable grenade.
I don't know what to do with myself. Ever.
Go to church - yeah.
Get my degree - sure.
Go to work - totally.
But with myself? I have no ******* clue.
For one, I don't think I can come hang out with you at work anymore. You have a certain amount of professionalism to maintain, and I am a threat to that - in the most violently affectionate way possible. I am so close to tackling you in a bear hug and spooning you right here in this classroom. I never considered how painful it is to love somebody. In the best ways and the worst ways.

Now you're sitting in the armchair next to me, the ****** little coffee maker filling the air between us. You talk with your friends and draw  and type into your calculator and occasionally glance at me and every time you do anything, I  . . .  I can't. I can't even explain how it feels. You are the antidote and the virus to every part of me. Loving you has been the most exhilarating and most miserable experience of my life. Loving you has taught me how agony can be sweet. Loving you has changed my life and will continue to change my life.

I've lost interest in almost everything. School is school, work is work, books have become boring and friends have become obsolete. You feel the same way, and your Mom thinks you're depressed, but you're not. Neither of us are. We're so ready. We're so ready for something new.

I have never stared at someone so shamelessly in all my life. I could listen to you talk about heat engines for the rest of my life.
That's the plan, anyway.

If my blood stayed blue
I'd be prettier for you
I'd sacrifice myself
To keep the fighting few

Yet my blood stays red
So I'll lay here in my bed
Writing poetry for us
Because I'll love you till I'm dead

There aren't any pretty words for this.
There aren't really any words at all.
After you said goodnight (and I ripped your heart in half because I'm angry and stupid and absolutely evil) I went to the bathroom and nearly vomited.
I tried to cry. I could feel the hours and hours of tears filling up my head but every time I tried, I would deflate like a balloon. The tears just wouldn't come. I nearly vomited again.
I nearly went into the kitchen and got the bottle of peppermint schnapps to get myself drunk so I didn't have to think about how I just absolutely ruined my relationship but when I tried to stand I collapsed on my bed.
I tried to go get a knife to teach myself a lesson but I didn't have any bandaids and I couldn't get up anymore.
I have never felt more evil or more wrong or more hurtful.
If you're reading this, please forgive me.
Please, dear God, forget what I said.
I'm begging you.
My anger got the best of me.
Please don't let me define the worst of you.
And even as I type, I can hear you forming your break up speech.
I can hear your stomach trying to digest itself.
I can hear you crying and thinking about how horrible you are.
And I made it worse.
It's my job to protect you and I failed. I hurt you. I hurt you so badly.
I can't
I can't do it
I thinking I'm going to throw up again

Your eyes - they can't look at me right now, so I can't see their beautiful blue
But they belong to you
So I love them
Your smile - it doesn't light up your face today
But close my eyes and see it anyway
So I love it
Your lips - although they speak quiet and cannot kiss
Are my only escape and my bliss
And I pretend I can feel them
And I'm happy
Your fingers - although hesitant to hold me
Are warm and strong, completely wholly
Yours, and though they can't be mine right now
I love them, laying in your lap

To keep from collapse, I can always imagine you happy

When you and I are old
Our bony fingers cold
Hair growing growing gray
You'll kiss me and you'll say
Remember when you cried
The day our hearts both died
You curled up on the floor
Smashed your head against the door
I'll chuckle and I'll smile
It will have been a while
Yes dear, but now you're mine
For that, was just a time.