apathy is useful
when recalling insults,
people who dislike you,
and upsetting situations

because then you remember –
i'm too uninterested to spend my time,
effort or thoughts

caring.

Apathy sits in the windowsill
in a ripped jean jacket
yawning at thunderstorms.

what do we
do, when
apathy
lures us into its arm-caves.
we push back,
we continue to do the
things we should do,
we tell apathy that its arms
are too cold and carry
on.

years of being told you were wrong
no trust left here
indifferent to most everything
it's a warm black tar pit
evolution of apathy

i don't know my own name some nights
when i'm sober and by myself and slightly chilled, exhausted
it's mine but i don't feel it's mine
i don't feel like anything at all
but tonight I'm not sure
feeling nothing used to be bad
but being nothing feels like it might be relief

i'd like to rock climb your spine,
bungee jump off the bridge of your nose,
tackle the pillow beneath your head,
kiss you softly on the cheek, and then
i'd like to crawl into my own ear and whisper
"it's okay to go to sleep thinking of yourself"

How selfless of us to call it sunset,


when the sun does not move.


How strange of us to call it riverbed,


*when rivers do not sleep.

enough time
turns lost love
into a cicada shell

a hollow melange of
lust and nostalgia
left abandoned under a tree

the ley lines and star alignments that drew us together
have all lock-tumbler shifted
and the combination is in a notebook
in a cobwebbed and dusty box
that i left on the curb for recycling
on some unspecified thursday in 2012
or 11, or 13
something a little unlucky

i miss you
in the same way that i miss
a dream, upon waking:
a sandcastle, built under the wrong moon, described to a stranger
shapes so thick with water that they can't hold,
but it was good, wasn't it?
it was probably good.
it must have been good.
i think i remember smiling.

I sought out
A girl whom I could envy
I sought in
A feeling I could control.

Laughing meltwater laughter
Skimming stones with skipping feet
All together
As if nothing were the same as others.

I sought out
A bond forged in experience
I brought in a little less control
I found myself drawn

To just one more hug.

Don't let's go, don't let's be
It's not as simple
As love and hate
For I was not free

I hold your hand and
Feel the shackles
I stroke your hair and
Feel the web.
Sticky.

I look at my feet
As I trot beside you and
I'm led by sticks and carrots
By my endless want for something
You'll have to go away to give me.