No paragraph long enough
No book thick enough
No poem intense enough
No ink black enough
No blade sharp enough
To even begin to explain
The complexity of her soul
The depravity of love in her eyes
You can see the way she twist her hips
The way she bounces her chest
Just to be noticed
Even if it is by the schools janitor
She pounces around like she's bulletproof
But the glare of her peers
Disgusted turns of their lips
Faces turning upside down
Just to find the right glare of disapproval
Are .50 cal rounds at 10 yrds
They dont notice the scar under her mini skirt
The ones just peaking out from behind her bracelets
Or the one under her flesh
Buried deep within her chest
Where she carved in the initials
Of the one who ruined her
its hard to explain her
But she's too perfect to understand
To beautiful to notice
She's the one in front of you
Only making herself seen by you

I'm Sorry

Plagued with constant torment
What god can save me
What sacrificial ritual
Must I endure
To rid this haunted mansion
I call a head
From these reoccurring creaks
Whispers of get out
Turn to screams at alarm clocks
Vaguely heard
Chase it away
Exorcise these demons
Procure unto me
My freedom from self ridicule

Drifting so slowly
Letting the world rotate
For once without me
I'll sit on cloud 9
Bounce back and forth
From dark ones
To seemingly transparent
My head's a thunderstorm
Of calm winds and rolling thunder
It's confusion yet serenity
A paradise within chaos
You won't find too often
That rabbit hole
Alice was never meant to find
Yet here we are
Slaying Jabowakis
And pondering Hatters riddles
Why is a Raven like a writing desk
The freedom to go
Wherever it is you fathom
The blank stare
Before the ball
Pointing you to creativity
Perhaps it's the ability
To get lost in the clouds
Filling your head
With the idea
One day you won't return
And your left trying
To outrun the darkest cloud
Just for a moment of clarity
I'm piddling again
And I've lost my train of thought
Hatter
Why is a Raven
Like a writing desk
Simple answer my dear
I don't know
We're just body's
Attached to heads
Full of Clouds
That either fill us with amusement
Or crash down on us
With the upmost hostility

Assembly line
Mass production
Clone after clone
The prototype already destroyed
Before I really knew what love was
One soul
Three heart's
4 women
Soul handed over
Sold over a telephone
Crushed and thrown back in my face
Still she owned it
Her signature forever on it
Heart auctioned off
First hand raised
She never owned it
Just passed down to the kid we had
Another heart forged
Somehow all it took was a flight
With a destination not far from me
And a glimpse at each other
But a car wreck was all it took
To shatter what I thought was great
Back to the crafting table
A failed relationship
My hands wiping her tears
Comfort I provided
Happiness I found
When I woke up next to her
Breath of life
All it took to end
Was a whisper of gossip
And the company of a neighbor
It's what I get for falling
It's what I deserve for trying
So till it finds me
I'll play hide and seek
With cupid's stupid little ***
While he's searching for me
In the opposite direction I'll be
**** this little thing called love
For some reason
It keeps me awake at night
Taunting my poetic nerves
Wishing I had space to scream
And a deal with the reaper
Perhaps then my soul and heart
Would be in the hands
Of the same owner
So I wouldn't have to worry
About making another heart
For someone else to shatter

Arms stretched to breaking point
High as they can possibly reach
Even climbed this old oak
For a better vantage point
Still I'm too small in this ever growing world
Why do I try to reach for something I cannot obtain
Dreams are fantasies filled with useless attempts
Heaven is too far to reach
So why do I continue
On this pointless adventure
Climbing trees and mountains
Then climbing trees at the top of mountains
My reach will never come closer
I'm a pebble in this mountain of boulders
The sapling in this forest of sequoias
I'm reaching for nothing
Wishing it was something
And these shooting stars
Aren't hearing my wish
No matter how loud I get
I'm starring at constellations
Hoping to become one
Stretching my limbs
As high as they can go
Then even higher
Only to be taught a lesson
Heaven will always be too far for me to reach

I said goodbye to you once
Gave you a kiss
And turned my back
Put one foot in front the other
And slowly walked away

But your the one
Who took my already broken heart
Ripped it out my chest
And left it bleeding at my feet
Then let me walk away

I had nothing left to say
So i said goodbye
Put down the pen
Picked up a bottle and a blade
And wasted my life even further

I tried looking for another
But I couldn't find one
So I looked for you again
And when I found you
I simply said "Hello"

Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am?
You don't remember these soft drown eyes
Staring into the vacant depths
Of your glazed over eyes
Donut wholes on your sunk in face
Mother, I'm that 13 month old baby
You abandoned and never looked back on
I'm the nuisance in the back of your head
Wishing you would wake up and feed me
Change my soiled diapers
The way you should change your habits
Mother, pleas I'm begging
I'm crying tears of snowflake shadows
I need you yet you're not there
You're two inches from my face
Crashing into couch cushions
Like suicide bombers
Needle stil stuck in your arm
Filling your veins with a substance
That prevented you from loving me
Hello...mother
Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am now?
I wanted you to love me
Tell me bedtime stories
Keep the nightlight on
Long enough for me to fall asleep
Unafraid of what the shadows hold
Tuck me in and kiss me goodnight
Like the moon itself
Every night to the rest of the world
I want to be your world
Drenched in your loving moonlight
But no, the drugs you overdosed on
Prevented you from doing just that
And you still haven't learned your lesson
You called me several times
Telling me you love me
That you're sorry for leaving
But within the 5 minutes
It took you to choke your tongue
To say even one of those words
You sail away on that kite
Crash immediately into my heart
Causing missile words to bombard my walls
Calling me worthless, pathetic, and a waste
Hello...mother
Please remember me!
Please remember who I am!
I'm the baby you refused to hold at birth
I'm the last child of four
You wish you would have aborted
1 month prior to my concieving
Hello...mother
The late night hours of needles and pills
Powdery white lines cut like a chef
Must have erased me from your life
And if I could bleed every drop of your blood out
I'd carve canyons in my wrist
Let loose the dams
Drown in the wake
I don't want to be your son
I want to be the child of four you never had
Hello...
Forgive me for this
I know you don't remember me
I know you don't know who I am
But I hate you
I can only thank you for making me a poet
Giving me this curse
Because I'm no longer your puppet
Or your voodoo doll
With 12 needles in his chest
I'm the kid you will never know
So this greeting shall be as strangers
You never cared to know me
So this farewell shall be as strangers
Goodbye...
                  ...Mother

One cut
Two cut
Deeper and deeper
The blade almost disappears in my wrist
My depression has gotten worse
My suicidal tendencies increased
Wonder how fast the ambulance will take
If no one else is home
No one even close
I'm in the middle of nowhere
Your God doesn't even know I'm here
No wonder my prayers were ever answered
One reason why I'm an atheist
One swig
Two swig
Pain still isn't numbed
Why must I suffer
Why am I bleeding so slowly
I think I lost a lot
What a shame it is
I was beginning to think I was happy
Guess I was wrong
When am I ever right
One pill
Two pill
Maybe I should think about this
What am I leaving behind
What am I doing
**** it
Nobody ever saw my pain
I wore this mask for too long
It became a permant reflection
Why couldn't it have been transparent
Hello my name is "Suicidal"
I wish you could of gotten to know me
I'm sorry if this causes you pain
Call it selfish
Call it whatever you want
I'll call it "the solution to the problem I have become"
Goodbye my name is now "Dead"
Wish you the best of luck
Don't cry at my funeral
I don't want to drown in tears
Even in death
Might as well not show
The preacher man wont even be there
No one will come
News of my death
Will be music to a deaf society
My Obituary will just have my name, DOB, and DOD

We call ourselves poets
We're not the best
Yet we gather together
Might disagree sometimes
But one poem later
Everything is alright
Welcome to Hello Poetry
Where friends are made
And Enemies are forgotten
Lost somewhere in the echo
Our words tend to **** them in

I have writers block!! Somebody help me out here. Give me something to work with.

It's human right
Lending a hand
To someone who
May or may not bite
When it's outstretched
Guidelines and rules
To keep peace
But here it is more strikes
On tally boards
You caught feelings
Even why you tried not to
Over used
Under appreciated
Here I go
Giving up again
When life's hammering
I try to be the back bone
Of every situation
The level foundation
Yet I'm scheduled
For more demolition
Before blueprints are made
A helping hand
Grabbed and pulled
Never grabbed and held
This is isn't right
For me to do this
To be like this
Hating my existence
When everyone else
Finds something to love
I'm the water hole
In the desert
Alone
Drying up
I can only fill so many
Before I go away
It never rains
So value me now
As shade and food
Are bountiful
I'll have given it all
Just to see you grow
Yet you never considered
My affection and gave back
You used and polluted me
Making me what I am now
A burning hole
Filled with ash and bone
Waiting for it to rain
To drown you out
And carry you far enough away
You'll appreciate me
When I take form
In another place

I kneel before this paper
Make it my altar
Grasp the pen
That will be the blade
To pour the blood
Sealing my fate
As a poet

Helpless
Compelled to write
An addict to the pain
Addicted to the lines of ******* ink
Drunk off the emotions
Poured into the words
Like shot glasses

Helpless
Its a better feeling
When every line you write
Captures a person
While they don't realize
I really do want to end my life

Helpless
As I watch the story line unfold
The constant stabbing
The slitting of my wrist
The drug abuse
The drinking to numb the pain

Its me I am killing
Every poem
Yeah its me
I enjoy it
It brings satisfaction
Because I get to watch myself die

Helpless
Not anymore
Because I am tired of it
And really thinking of doing it
Just end all of this
I was just another poet
That didnt amount to anything
Just like the world thought I would

You won't see smiles
You won't hear laughter
You won't taste love
You won't touch freedom
You won't smell roses
Here on the corner of Life and Death
The only thing your senses will be good for
Is sadly and inevitably nothing
This dark corner is never friendly
If you want happiness keep dreaming
If you want peace keep smoking
Whatever your hippie *** is smoking
Because it will never be a reality
Just tuck yourself in
Have sweet dreams
Bed bugs won't bite
Your body is already too cold
Darkness will soon engulf you
And I'll be the last nightmare
To your sweet diabetes dream

It never meant anything to me
Always beat it half it death
Made it play the sickest beats
Twisted my own hatred in with it
I don't know how good it can sing
But here...you can have it
My heart was always meant
To be in the hands of someone sane
Someone it can love with a smiling face
The very face I hated to look at
Because I never smiled
Unless my hands were around its throat
I'm abusive to my own heart
But I had help
From the liquor
The adrenaline potential overdosing drugs
The raging *** I had with your friends
My heart always beat for you
Always wanted you
So here...you can have it
It staid a live for this moment
It walked hand in chest with me
Over gravel glass
Through soulless jungles of tree corpses
It survived me
To be with you
So here...you can have it
It's finally safe on your black fingernails
Hiding in your palms
Cowarding from its biological owner

Sit me down at the bar
I'll take a Jacks on the Rocks
I need it strong
Stronger than you've ever made it
So make it a tall glass
I'll be here for a while

Hey bartender pour me another
Let me tell you why I'm here
I walked out of a church
I was suppose to get married today
She's a beautiful women
Smart, ****, Sensitive
Couldn't ask for a better woman
I walked out because I'm not marriage material
I wasn't meant to be a husband
Not to someone as incredible as her
She deserves a man
Aiming, truly willing to be by her side
Through the thick and sick days
I'm leaving to go to war
For a country that turns their back
On the men and women sacrificing
The things and people they love

Hey bartender
I'm going to need another
This buzz isn't strong enough
***** it put a little Jose Cuervo
He'll spice this buzz up

See bartender I may be a stupid man
But I know what's worth fighting for
She is worth every bomb exploding
Every soul my AR15 takes
I'll be the grim reaper in any country
As long as I know she is truly safe
I guess I should attend my wedding
The same way I'll attend my brothers funeral
Filled with sorrow and love
Another son is going to war
With a bottle and for a woman
A son that might never come home
The way she wants me too

You have the audacity
To stroll by my house
Thinking your tough ****
Calling out to me that I'm the *****
You already met my fist
Once, twice before
So if you want
I shall reintroduce to you
My fist
Hey *****
And *******
Now that you're acquainted
Get the **** out of my neck of the woods
And learn your place
At the bottom of the dirt on my shoes
I wish you the best of luck
With the disfigurement of your face
But think again before
You want to have a rematch
You should of learned the first and second time
You can't and wont beat me
And please don't get your big brother
Because his 6 foot 209 lbs ***
Will be quickly hospitalized just like the last time
He made the same foolish decision you did
Plus it will just make you look just that much more
Of the pathetic **** faced ***** that you are
So please leave me alone
I really don't have the time
To play these childish games with you
Hey *****...*******
The names of my fist that
Have left their mark on your face

Thought I'd never hear it
Much alone read it
Missed
It's a feeling I get when I look in a mirror
I missed you
My other half
A reflection only subtly different
Then what I know to be me
But neither of us can do it
Both afraid
To just say hey
Maybe love wasn't the season
But a friendship
Was the ship we were to sail
Yet we rotted every board
Before we built our own Black Pearl

My problem is I flirt too much
Every chick that walks into view
I'm bound to flirt with eventually
I'm not the best looking
Nor am I the sweetest
I'm the chocolate covered cupcake
You pass by everyday
On your way to and from work
Calling your name
With my delicious temptation
I taste sweet but another bite
BLAMM 32lbs you just gained
I'm good for all the wrong reasons
I'm the **** in disguise
So thank you for reminding me
Anything else you want to get off your chest?
You have my number
You know where I live
My work isn't far from you
So come on
Tell me how you really feel
I couldn't care less
It's just Charlie Browns mom
I'm hearing from you
I tuned you out the moment
We had our first fight

When you find love
What do you do with it?
When you find someone to love
How tight do you hold them?
When you find happiness
How do you know that's what it is?
When will I get the chance to at least try
To make you happy?
Because I know I love you
Unfortunately I cant hold you
But I promise one day soon
I will hold you
Love you the way you deserve
I hope your reading this
I hope you know you are the only one
That I want to hold my heart
I am yours
I hope you are all mine

He drank till his liver was dry
He smoked till he breathed toxins
He was a pack a day smoking alcoholic
Like a loaded 45
He had a hair trigger
Soft touch and he exploded
His fist would shoot from the sleeves of his shirt
Impaling her chest
Planting themselves in her ribs
Growing bruises on her face
She made a vow till death do they part
Not knowing it would be her death
That made him realize he needed help

I'm coming home baby
Thumbs up
Bags packed
I'm on the highway now
Heading in one direction
I don't care if it takes weeks
Baby I'm hitchhiking home
I'll be there soon
Soon enough to make love to you
Claim you finally saved
Finally able to be happier
I'm not afraid of serial killers
****** can **** my dead body
I'm coming to you
Coming home and feed you my affection
I'll pass any test
A's no B's or C's
Trails will be burned
Tribulations already surpassed
Even before they are set
Baby I'm hitchhiking home

I'm so passed overthinking
My overthinking over thinks
The thinking I'm overthinking
To the point I'm thinking over
What's over thought and I thought
I was over this
Just didn't think it over enough
dilemma dilemma
yeap
Hold on we're in for a bumpy ride
Airwaves collide
I'm pretty sure we've been here before
I'm confused
What was the thought
Somewhere amongst this chaos
I forgot the original thought
Now I'm overthinking
A thought that can't be found
Wait wait
Oh yes I remember now
The thought was simply
Peanut butter or jelly
On the last piece of toast
So both
Or one
But which
Rock
Paper
Scissors
How do I answer this
It's an impossible equation
1+1 is good
1+the other is good
1+2 makes 1
But I wanted to share it with you
So now there's not enough
Either way
So what do you prefer
Before my brain cells implode
Giving up on the hope
I'll ever make a decision
That will justify the reason
Why I'm overthinking
What to feed you for breakfast in bed
Maybe just coffee...
Wait which brand?
How strong?
More or less sugar?
Too much creamer!
**** it I'm going to work
Everything *****
When over-thought thoughts
Become thoughts we've been over
Overthinking themselves
Into non-existence
And I forget how
I started this conversation with myself
Or what it no longer pertains to
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah do I have everything
What did I forget
Wallet
Keys
Phone
Socks
Shoes
Pants
Shirt
Necklace
Hat
30 minutes later it'll remind me
I woke up hungry
Couldn't decide what to feed myself
It's too late, I'm late for work

A hollow chest
A hollow mind
Where your name echoes
A hollow sense of being

In the end
I would rather
Face the world
Go out in a blaze of glory

Im not afraid to die
Im not afraid to say goodbye
To all those who helped
To make me hollow

A hollow chest
A hollow mind
Where your whispers shatter walls
Built so thick and tall

In the end
I will still be nothing
A nobody that barely survived
Forgotten so easily

Here in this world
Im not afraid to die
Im not afraid to say goodbye
To all of you and fade away

I stay up late at night
Wishing I could cry for you
Wishing I could cry because of you
But all I cry is hollow tears

You ruined me twice in one month
Should of never gave you that second chance
Should of said I didnt want you back
Yet my heart bled for you

My heart cried the ****** tears
You apparently wanted
While my eyes cried nothing but hollow tears
I hope your ******* happy now

Cry yourself to sleep
Because you hurt me
You ruined a great relationship...twice
And yet I still feel like ****

I cant forgive you
I cant forget you
Even when my eyes start burning
From the endless hollow tears
That just refuse to bleed from my heart

We pay homage to pieces of paper
As sunsets carry us out
From altar to carriage
Honeymoon kisses seconds before
Our feet leave the ground
Off to Brazil, maybe China
Perhaps a little romance
In the streets of Italy
Maybe one day
Wedding bells will ring
But for now
Listen to the sounds of the birds
I always fly higher then them
When you whisper in my ears
Come here
Till holy matrimony
Your cherries wont be pick
Whoops guess I lied
Got to carried away
You got to wet
Teasing became full frontal assault
Clash of bodies
Already married without a proposal
Maybe this was just meant to be
From violent hearts
Psychotic hearts
Mailbox hearts
To offering you broken shells
All that remains of my nomad heart

This roof I live under
I'm suppose to call it home
But when the walls are talking to you
Calling you names
Try to crush you
As they cave in around you
Claustrophobia starts setting in
Home is never home
Because I don't want to be here
I want to be as far away as possible
I want a place I feel safe
Not from the walls
But the voices in my head
I want a place of sanctuary
Arms welcoming me
Comforting me as I break down
I want a home not a house
I don't want to be forced in making a place
Something it is not
Home is always too far away
For me to grasp
And I want to be wherever
I can call a place a home
Not a vacant house
Filled with disfigured shadows
And talking walls
Crumbling with the slightest touch
I want a bed
I am able to rest my head
And not worry about nightmares
I just want a home
Is that too much to ask for
Home is never "home"
Simply because wherever I go
My ******* problems will follow
Haunting and condemning my "home" once again
Making it impossible to find it
I'll just be homeless emotionally and mentally
Till I can build the perfect home for myself

Honestly it's never gotten me far
Its led me into dark allies
Black eyes and broken hearted
Honesty forgotten
Dead to this modern society
Baited traps set
People abusing you
Using lies to fill in the blank spaces
Falsified statements
Burying honest emotions
Funerals held for the living
Dead only mourned as a pawn
Honesty
Honestly the John Wilkes Booth
To my honest Abe

If I had a magic hour glass
That could rewind the times
I'd relive the days of going to school
Back when I had a reason to socialize
When friends came in the call of your name
Across halls and thrown out on the gridiron
I would have enjoyed it more
Knowing then that things really do get better
I would have picked up my chin
Faced reality bc I was pretending
I was looking down on the earth
Watched my steps closely
Precatious of never letting them see me fall
Practiced ballet to be leary of pranksters feet
If I had a hour glass
I'd write to myself and say it was better
Even if it doesn't seem like it
Another breathe is worth breathing
When dreams are achieved
Instead of bought
I'd try to enjoy the friends I had
While they were around
Would have laughed more
But its the little things we forget to enjoy
We seem to regret

How many doors must I walk through
How many people must I call mom
How many brothers and sister do I have
It's endless
I couldn't count on one hand or even two
Yet here I am making another couch
My living arrangements
For only who know how long
How many hearts do I have to break
Till I can finally say I love you
Without worrying if she'll leave me
How many goodbyes must I make known
How many homes must I go through
Till I'm able to call these places home
They weren't built for me
They weren't made to house me
To allow me to have ***
To allow me the freedom of walking
Down every hallway into every room
Stark *** naked with my *****
Dragging behind me
How many homes
Tell me how many
So I can just curl up now and die
It would be a waste of time
To lay here another minute
Trying to find a job
Trying to find a girlfriend
Trying to find home

Fragrance of a million angels
Fills my nose when I held you
Weight of a bluejay feather
Brushed my lips when ours met
It wasn't love I chased
It was knowing you would be there
In my arms and on my lips
It wasn't addiction that kept you
In my presence
I fell asleep tracing your body
When it wasn't my bed you filled
Late hours I forgot
Wondering if our lips would meet again
That human side I almost rejected
Lost when I showed you my intentions
Every hour that's passed
One less conversation we've had
Was it even real
Or did I fantasize
All those hugs and kisses
Feelings of butterflies
Like middle school crushes
I didn't want to wake from that dream
Yet here I am staring at a ceiling
Wishing I could fall asleep
And find that same dream
Holding on to you
Kissing as the sun danced on the river
High enough view
Where you could see the city
Where I saw you on a canvas
I'm sorry I miss it
Every moment I spent with you
Was every memory I wanted to have
You were the drug
Numbing my pain
I'm just an addict
Wanting to forget that I exist
Every hug another needle
Every kiss another high
Every whisp of your fragrance
Enticing me to indulge
I don't want to lose it
So why did you wake me up

White lives don't matter
Black lives don't matter
Yellow lives don't matter
Blue lives don't matter
Pink lives don't matter
Orange lives don't matter
Rainbow lives don't matter
All lives don't matter
Who the **** cares
Human lives matter
I feel the same depression
You do when your old lady leaves
Or when your old man cheats
I feel the same love
When you look at your children
Or when they call for you
I'm tired of this *******
Feelings are ******
And hostility between blood
Doesn't change the thickness of water
That we continue to pollute
Under this bridge of bonds
We often set fire to
When we lose a feeling
Towards a person of affection
Human
That's what we are
Not colors
Just know when I say
My heart's in your hand
I really mean it's yours to hold
Even if it's a fragile fragment
Of stitches and elmer's glue
With glitter just to make it seem
Like it's pretty enough for you to treasure
At day's end
I'll still love you
The same if not more
As I did in the morning
We'll never be strangers
Even when you don't reply
Or forget I exist
We're human
With everything similar
Just forged in different shapes
And painted a variety of colors
Just to add uniqueness
In a world trying to make us the same

This poem could well be my last
I don’t care what score you give me
Whether it be a 10.5 or 11
It doesn’t matter to me
The reason for this poem
Is simply to get everything off my chest
To let the world
To let everyone within this room
Know exactly who I am as a person
To know me as the poet who almost never was
This is basically my life story
So please bear with me
It started February 10, 1996
I was born unfortunately
At 9 months old
I was taken from my mother and father
Placed in a foster home for 6 months
The foster parents couldn’t handle me
At 13 months old when I was returned
My mother soon abandoned me
The reason being drugs and alcohol
She never even looked back
She was offered help on several occasions
Sadly she refused
I lived a quiet life
Lived in California for the first 8 years
My father and the woman I believed to be my mother
Broke the news to me and told me this story
Since then I became the resentful
***** the world
Hate life and love all together
Person you see today
I spiraled down into the darkest parts of hell
Nothing amused me
I started using *** as a coping mechanism
At the age of 12
I than was introduced to drugs
Smoked *** and it numbed me
Started sneaking alcohol from my parents
And every relationship I had
I either failed or pushed them away
I keep searching for something
That no female can give me
And it’s a love not offered by anyone
Not even that god you so hopelessly worship
I don’t condemn it
I just don’t see the relevancy in it
Every year I become darker
My poetry a reflection of it
I have abandonment issues
As well as trust issues
My heart sealed away
Locked in sheets of metal
Covered in chains and barbed wire
I have really only loved two people
Both of who have abandoned me
Both of which I seem to torture myself
With the memories of them I have
I cant seem to do anything right
My parents cursing me and calling me names
Most likely the reason to my self-esteem issues
I have attempted suicide three times
One being when I tried to shoot myself
But I didn’t know it didn’t work properly
Two being when I tried hanging myself
But the tree branch broke
Three being when I tried overdosing
But my best friend rushed me to the hospital
Luckily the doctor was a friend
He didn’t tell my parents
Because I begged him not to
Since those failed attempts
I have killed myself in over a million fashions
The top ways being shot or strangulation
I will not continue this any further
For fear of being reported to a psychologist
But I will say this
Through all this Bs
I will stand strong
Continue to **** myself within my work
And if none of you like it
Get lost by all means
It’s to express me as a person
And also that no matter what
I will go down as a god

See the peasants
As they weep at my feet
See the hearts
You led me to break
They all bow before me
Everything is dark and still
Tears fall even faster
Fears grow heavier
You see my love
I am no longer the man you fell for
But the demon you created
When you decided to curse my name
And walk out of my life
Leaving my very heart
Breaking and dragging behind you

You feel that hunger
You feel that thirst
It is me that you feel
Calling from the inside
I am your hell
I am the thing you fear the most
Simply because you still love me
You know I can break you
That I can ruin you
I am your hell
And that is what you fear the most

I'd kiss you a million times
Hold you till I could remember
How your skin feels from a distance
I can't thank you enough
Baby I finally found what my poetic heart desires
You
Everything I found in you
A sense of peace and calm
Washed over me like the midnight tide
On the newly hatched sea-turtles
Not many made it far but I was the first
To be able to say
I beat the rest to mother safety
I can't thank you enough
I'm complete for the first time
Not wondering if tomorrow
Holds another bad day
Because everyday is a good day with you
Apart of tomorrow
Whether rain or shine
I'm finally holding onto
The greatest thing in this world
My poetic heart you managed to steal

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to
This wasn't suppose to happen
Can't you hear me
Please stop crying
Please I'm right here
Why are the cops here?
Who's in the body bag?
Who are they carrying away?
Why are you holding my picture?
Why are all my ex's here?
Why is everyone crying?
It was just a cut
A bottle of whiskey
A handful of pills
I just wanted to sleep
I'm alive, I'm right here
Can anybody hear me?
This funeral is boring
Why am I the only one not crying?
I want to know who's in the box
It's....it's....it's me
How did this happen?
I'm dead?
I thought it was a release
But look at the pain I caused
What the **** was I thinking?
Wait...they drove me to this point
It wasn't my own selfish act
It was theirs
They ignored me
This is the result of their selfishness
And my way of getting their attention
**** them all!
They treated me like I was a ghost
Before I was a corpse

Not a single thing
I dont know
Who I am
What I have become
What this thirst is for
Why I have a hunger for death
Maybe its an interest of mine
Something I shall study
But I dont know
I dont know a **** thing
Im lost at sea
Compass broken
No direction to go
Just floating here
Not knowing anything
I dont remember my name
I dont recognize the face in the mirror
Everything has changed so quick
Even my broken heart
Has become something of interest
To people who have never felt its pain
Even my eyes have changed
Into a sight that woman have melted from
I dont know
I just dont know anymore

So will anybody try to explain this **** to me?

Dive head first
Plummetting into the depths
Knowing jagged rocks
Await below my descent
Deserving of this crash course
Every time I open up
Secrets I keep to myself
Sometimes slip just for advice
Resulting in knowledge I already had
Knowing I'm the reason
My heart always gets blamed
When I feel the pull
That dreaded tug
Ripping my chest open
Just to hold onto her
Even when her hearts in another's hand
I don't need a her
I need the reason to come home
A responsibility to commit
To safety I disregard
As 90 becomes so easy to obtain
I chase my own form of happiness
In the thrill of knowing
Any second
I won't exist
I won't hurt
And the ones I wanted to love me
Will finally see
How without me
Smiles wouldn't have came so easily
I don't mind being that silent one
Taking the punches
Everyone throws wildly
Just to ease a moment of their pain
Subside a demon they ignore
Till it eats them alive
I do it to myself
I know that better than anyone
I just wish
I had someone to calm
The demon I'm becoming
All too friendly with
I need a reason to change
I don't see me achieving it
All by myself
I'm acknowledging
I need someone
When those lonely nights
Start to devour more
Of what I no longer cherish
So when I'm gone
In a fashion I carved my own
Miss me only in the moment
When you needed me the most
For then I'll wash over you
A calming hand
To hold you one more time

That feeling of just existing
Floating through life
Without a purpose
Wake up to the alarm
Maybe a bite to eat
Coffee a nice idea
As your racing out the door
Mess up on the job
Tiny details were overlooked
Grow tired of the commute
Daily headaches
Coming home to nothing
Till you're allowed
Being denied the opportunity
To be a parent
I'll accept that the decisions
I poorly made in annoyance
Have consequences
Yet limiting my daughter
And the time I spend with her
Shouldn't have been a result
Let alone an idea to punish me
It's torture
Cruel and unusual
So I'll just smile
Work towards the dream I have
It's a reset and reboot
Deleting the unneeded
Watch close
You'll miss how I win this

I'm not benching 290 for nothing
It's easier than cutting cake
More natural than breathing
Yet recently my shoulders
Are bearing to much
Unloaded all at one time
I'm caving in from head to toe
I don't need a spotter
I need old friends
The ones I turned to
When times got rough
When weights were over bearing
When I just wanted to rack the weight
Take a shower and drink a powerade
Yet they're gone
Nowhere to be found
Guess I'm all alone again
Suffocating tonight between the weight
And my blood stained pillow

It took six hours to finish
The details are hard to get
Shading was a ***** as always
Yet I managed to draw you a poem
Every time the pencil touched
More words were needed
I just wish you could see it
Maybe then you'll see
How much I truly love you

It's been forever since the accident
That took you from me
I know this may be cruel
But in a way I'm glad you're not around
I would be ashamed to look in your eyes
To even be in your presence
I'd have to sacrifice thirteen lambs
I'm sorry doesn't cut it
You taught me that
Yet I find myself mumbling it
Hoping one day it will save me
I wish you could have seen the talent
I've been praised for
But that old owl statue you had
Is still staring deep into my soul
Telling me I failed you
I'm glad you can't see me now grandma
I'd be a disgrace and nothing more
I miss you
You taught me the art of wisdom
Always being one step ahead of my enemies
But I find myself running to catch up

I fell for you
You broke my heart
And left me on a new year
I thought you loved me
But barely gave us a chance

Hell I got hurt in the end
And now its a little hard to trust you
I mean what if
One day you wake and do the same thing
I gave you another chance
But again I get hurt
I dont want that

I want to be with you
But now Im scared to do that
Its all based on what ifs right now
I do love you
I do want to be with you
But can I trust you not to hurt me again

You say you messed up
You threw away something good
Yet I hear this from your friends
Not you
How am I suppose to believe it
When you cant tell it to me
And give me that kind of respect

I thought I could be safe with you
Happy and everything would be fine
But I let my guard down
And I paid the price for it
So what the hell should I do
I LOVE YOU
But Im too scared to do it again

Oh what the hell
Will you go out with me again
And Ill trust you one more time
Dont make me regret it
Because I dont think I could handle it again

If I could give you everything
It still wouldn't be enough
The most important piece
Scattered across continents
Sunken treasure at the bottom
Of a never ending sea
Turned to rust as it gasped for oxygen
If I could give you everything
Everything wouldn't be everything
With a broken, missing puzzle piece heart

No words could describe how happy I would make you

I'm sorry
I never did
You see the mask hanging on the wall
It was a role I played
Played the part to the T
Guess we were both fools
You thinking I cared
Me pretending I didn't love you
I fooled myself
You fooled yourself
When You thought I walked out forever
If I ever made you think I gave a ****
I'm sorry
I didn't
I never cared for how your day went
I never cared what your mom said
I didn't care that your bf left you
I never gave a **** about anything
I only cared about how many scars
We would share when you were the one in pain
If I ever made you think I gave a ****
I couldn't care less really
I was the wall you talked to
I was the reflection that was fading
Because you kept on forgetting that I loved you
I stopped caring long before I whispered I LOVE YOU
I only cared about you
How many tears would dress my pillow
When I walked by and forgot to say hello
We are the same
You're me and I am you
You just didn't realize till you saw
I LOVE ONLY YOU
Carved perfectly in my chest
Making blood stain stamps on my lettered sheets
Tucked neatly under the mattress
Waiting for the mailman to pick them up
If I ever made you think I gave a ****
I'm sorry
I never gave as **** about me


Only you
I hope you know that now

Gene grant me this one wish
Don't call me master
I'm the guy asking for your help
Calling on your powers for one wish
I don't want to end world hunger
**** the corruption in our politics
Forget world *******
I don't know if you can grant me this wish
But gene if I had one wish
It would be to hold her one more time
Kiss her while the world comes to a stop
Bring her back into my arms
Let me whisper into her ear
That I'll never let go
Till her body turns to ash
From the burning inferno of times
Decaying hands ticking at our flesh
Gene grant me this one wish
I wish I could be with her one more time
To do all the things I never had the chance to do

In echoed darkness
I wonder what life would be like
With you on my arm
I walk through parks
In the late hours of dusk
To wrap my head around streetlight
Hoping the light bulbs turn on
With ideas on how to fix this
I spend endless nights scrolling through
The dusty collection of phone calls
Searching your number
Debating to text you or call
Searching your name
On social media
Thinking what I could send you
To let you know I still care
But no amount of notifications
Could describe my endless feelings for you
I find myself searching
For ways to tell you I love you
Nothing ever comes
So I lock the screen
And drift back into the darkness
My world became after we went silent
Do you think it ever gets better
Or does it remain this desolate
When love leaves you vacant