I want to lay in bed with you
No thoughts of ***
Racing through my body
But the only thought
I'll allow tonight
Is the thought of holding you
Under every moonlit lullaby
And let stars watch with full smiles
As they witness my love for you grow
I don't care what the world has I say
I'd rather you call me your teddy bear
Than they'll know I'm not in it for the ***
The royal treatment is for you
And this late night cuddle session
Is only the beginning
Because tonight I'm going to show you
That even with my weakness
I'll protect you through the night
I'll be your dream catcher
Your luck rabbits foot
And chase away the worries of tomorrow
I'll cuddle concrete
I'll cuddle rose pedals
But nothing in this world
Could ever amount to the roaring passion
I can ever feel
When its your heart and soul I cuddle with
Your my yesterday
My every day tomorrow
And the last thing I want to embrace
When I fall asleep thinking of you
This late night cuddle session
Isn't over because I'll hold you
Till the moon and sun decide to collide
I love you like teddy bears love cuddling
And theirs nothing this teddy bear loves more
Than loving you

Their screams of terror
Their cries for help
Their weeps of sorrow
Their the voices in my head

They have grown so old
They have become so loud
Now they echo all day long
I just wish for them to gro silent

The voices in my head
Grow more and more reckless
That I can't even think
Of the consequences to my actions

But no matter what they say or how they say it
They love you just as mush as me
Yet you dont see the love in my eyes
And you cant hear the songs that they sing

The voices in my head
Maybe sweet and comforting
But most of the time
Their sick, demented, and twisted

They argue over whether or not I should
Put a gun to my head
And all but one agrees
For me to pull the trigger

That one voice who cares
If I pull the trigger
Is the voice of reason
It's your beautful voice

The voices in my head
Are they wrong for wanting me dead
Are they right for causing my insanity
All I know is that I can trust them

Every second of my time
I spend listening to their screams
Their cries and their weeps
I realize why they do it

The voices in my head
Echo my pain
Because they know it
And know my demons

The voices in my head
Have never seen my heart
Yet they know the truth to my lies
And the tears not in my eyes

Of all these voices
Yours is the loudest
Causing me to put this gun down
And think of a better way to end it all

The voices in my head
Tell me you the only one
I can and will ever love
And the only one I can't hurt

But I feel as if
The voices in my head
Want me to be hurt
Due to the pain I have dealt

I beg of them to stop
And let me live on my own
To die on my own terms
But they continue on

Then I begin to notice
That all these voices
Are the voices of those I have hurt
Except your one voice of reason

Could it be
That all the pain
Not only my own
But the pain of others
Is the reason to the voices in my head

The voices in my head
Laugh as I piece together
A puzzle to bid to understand
A puzzle not meant to be pieced together

The voices in my head
Grow louder and louder
Even as I fight with them
I realize why I write about war
Because the biggest war is with myself

As I reach for the gun
To end their eerie laughs
I know it will bring satisfaction
So I load and **** it back
Squeezing the trigger slowly

Darkness engulfs me
The voices stop
Peace I don't have
As tears roll down your cheek
Another life I have wasted along with mine

I've walked the beaten path
Sinned in the ways of every religion
But the only salvation I'm looking for
Is in the smiles I'm able to place on your face
So when you read my text
Listen to the way I'm telling you I like you
Listen to the message in the complex smiles
The kissy faces
That seem to be endless
You can't call this puppy love
This is the way you were meant to be loved
So baby let me make you happy
I'm not asking for the physicality of a relationship
I'm asking to put this band on your finger
Look in the mirror
See my complete reflection
Because this mirror is your eyes
Baby let me make happy
There's nothing I'd rather do
Honestly you're on my mind
I've only talked to you on occasion
I don't don't want to send coded messages
In the texts that make you smile and want me
I want to tell you straight up
Baby I like you
I'm not innocent
I'm not expecting you to be
I'm just asking you to be mine
Let me make you happy the only way I know
Let me be the sculptor
Plaster smiles on your frowning face
Strip the clothes from your mannequin figure
Let me make you happy
In and out of the bed
I'm only asking for a chance
Baby let me make you happy
I promise you'll never be alone
Even if I'm seventeen hours away
My heart is in the pillow you hold tight
My cologne is in the sheets you wrap yourself in
You can even wear my clothes
Go insane and let me walk in
On you making out with a pillow dressed like me
I'll smile and I promise
I'll love you the way that pillow never could
Let me make you happy
The way the other guys failed to
When they ******* up the chance you blessed them with
I promise baby
I'll never hurt you
My shoes are in the closet
They're not going anywhere
My suitcases are unpacked and laying in the dump
Three states away
The distance you wanted in the first place
Between me and my second love
You know I had a tendency of packing up
Leaving in the middle of the night
When your slumbering hand wandered on my side of the bed
Looking for the warmth of my skin
But Baby I promise my walking days are over
My running shoes are too old
They don't fit anymore
Let me make you happy the way you deserve
I understand if you don't want to do it
I'm not going to cliche it up
I'm not going to beg
I'm just going to tell you
I like you
Ask you for only one thing in this relationship
Let me make you happy
It's not much but let me make it my sole purpose in life
I don't need a god or gods and goddesses
All I need is the heart in your chest
To be my altar
To be where I tithe my sins away
To give praise to the heart that saved me
Let me make you happy
I'm not a complete ****** like the rest of them

I'm so passed overthinking
My overthinking over thinks
The thinking I'm overthinking
To the point I'm thinking over
What's over thought and I thought
I was over this
Just didn't think it over enough
dilemma dilemma
yeap
Hold on we're in for a bumpy ride
Airwaves collide
I'm pretty sure we've been here before
I'm confused
What was the thought
Somewhere amongst this chaos
I forgot the original thought
Now I'm overthinking
A thought that can't be found
Wait wait
Oh yes I remember now
The thought was simply
Peanut butter or jelly
On the last piece of toast
So both
Or one
But which
Rock
Paper
Scissors
How do I answer this
It's an impossible equation
1+1 is good
1+the other is good
1+2 makes 1
But I wanted to share it with you
So now there's not enough
Either way
So what do you prefer
Before my brain cells implode
Giving up on the hope
I'll ever make a decision
That will justify the reason
Why I'm overthinking
What to feed you for breakfast in bed
Maybe just coffee...
Wait which brand?
How strong?
More or less sugar?
Too much creamer!
**** it I'm going to work
Everything *****
When over-thought thoughts
Become thoughts we've been over
Overthinking themselves
Into non-existence
And I forget how
I started this conversation with myself
Or what it no longer pertains to
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah do I have everything
What did I forget
Wallet
Keys
Phone
Socks
Shoes
Pants
Shirt
Necklace
Hat
30 minutes later it'll remind me
I woke up hungry
Couldn't decide what to feed myself
It's too late, I'm late for work

Who gives a rats ***
If you prefer a **** in your ***
Or your **** rubbing against another
When did sexuality matter
I've seen the red of their veins
Pour out just as quickly as mine
I've watched as they understood love
Fat better than I could ever hope to achieve
Yet she can't marry her
Or he can't be seen with him
Holding hands an kissing
Hell I'll hug a gay man quicker than my brother
I'll flirt with a lesbian
Even though we both know
I'm going nowhere
It was never about who they dated
Who they decided to fall in love with
The only thing that mattered to me
An will ever matter
Is how they can show me what love is
What holding someone important to them
Really looks like
What everybody else thinks
Is just a matter of opinion
I don't give a ****
I can call a gay guy queer
I can call a lesbian a ****
And they'll smile with pride
They know who they are
What they are
And we're the aliens in the community
Thinking we know everything
When dd sexuality matter
I'll smoke a blunt with my gay homie
Drink tequila with my lesbian friend
Flirt with them both
Simply because I'm the one
Who's going home alone
I love them
Not because their gay
But because they can make me laugh
A hell of a lot better than my straight friends
Sexuality shouldn't matter
Personality is what gets me

Lurking in the shadows
Street lights not touching your face
Hood up
Knife gripped tight
As you stalk her every move

Like a snake
Slithering into position
Coiled and ready to strike
Aiming for the purse
Willing to take more

You stalked her for weeks
Watching her walk
Her daily routine
Learning how many steps
She makes a day

As your moment draws near
Adrenaline rushing
Stalking her for this moment
To **** and **** her
Just because she broke your heart

You creep closer
Closer and closer
Not wanting to do this
But if you can't have her
No one shall

Chasing seagulls shadows
As the breeze slithered through my hair
It was love at first sight
Sunsets tracing rainbows on the murky waters
The sea truly is a mystery
But the love I feel is even more of a mystery
I can still hear the roaring of the surf
Tides coming in slowly
Full moon tonight
Softer breeze and a lot less noise
No children laugh
Parents yelling to stay away from the jellyfish
Just silence
The perfect love affair
It was love at first sight
When the sea breeze kissed me
The salty water wrapped its arms around me
The sun setting fire to Pacific blue water
Moonlight chasing dolphins as they fly through the air
Stars reflecting off the rippling water
It was truly a love affair set in motion at first sight
Now I dare you to fall in love

I have a bad case of the munchies
Should have took a right
Maybe the next exit on this stoner highway
Will lead to munchville
This 1991 Chevy S10 is Casa de marijuana
Stoners only ride
6 oz of berry white
2 oz of bubba kush
3 1/2 gs of Pineapple Express
I'm ******
Yet I've only had 4 bowls 2 extendo blunts
And 1 braided joint
Lost my touch
Hold on
Let me get right
Alright I'm not even high
Lets smoke another bowl
I'm ready to **** it up all night
Smoke out the western hemisphere
I'm a stoner
Staying ****** in ******* Mexico
So roll you a blunt
Pack a bowl
**** up the night
Get ******* ******

Less than a month
I'll be 18 years old
Maybe I'll be able to grasp
The escape rope of life
Stop breast feeding on the ******* of my parents wealth
Drink the sweet vitamin enrich milk of freedom
No longer the outcast of school hallways
***** looks of freshman
As they all say they want to **** me
Knowing all to well I'm not risking life in jail
Can you believe it
I'm almost 18
Nothings changed
I've been 23 since my parents forced me to be the mature one

It's a picture of you
Smiling toward a camera
That captured only your perfection
You asked me why I called it a poem
It's only because you're never ending
Like similes and metaphors
Your body a rhyme to nature
Hair so fluid it's rhythmical
Heart a gate way to alliterations
Covered in bouquets of assonance
You're my wallet poem
Always there when I'm paying
For the movie we just watched
And the dinner we are going to
Everyday I open my wallet
To find the picture worth a thousand words
Written to absolute beauty
Not a moment goes by
When you're not with me
I'm grateful my wallet holds
Such a magnificent well taken poem

August 12, 1993

This is the third diary I have written in
This diary must be famous
So maybe oneday
Someone will hear or at least read my story
By the way my name is Sarrah
Weird spelling right?

August 13, 1993

Just heard some bad news...
I'm pregnant
I can't believe it
16 years old and pregnant!
The "father" is a dead beat
Ran after I said I might be
I can't keep the child
I don't know what to do

August 15, 1993

I wrote my first poem
One of my friends said it would help
Didn't really
I just wrote and wrote
I almost wrote a book
I wonder what I'm going to do with this child
Aborting it would be painful
Giving it up is almost impossible
Having it is unlikely
I have so much going for me

April 20, 1993

Found out one of my friends loves me
He knows I'm pregnant
He said he would help me
He always has a plan
Maybe I can be happy with him
I don't know
I don't want to bring him down
Diary...what should I do?

April 23, 1993

Still no reply?
I forgot I'm asking an inanimate object
To answer a question
I was forced to ask because of my stupidity
I have poor taste in men
I'm now called distastefully
Sarah the 16 year old pregnant *****
My boyfriend is really annoyed with it
I hope I can love him as much as he loves me

April 30, 1993

I cut myself
The girls at school keep harrassing me
I can't take this
I forgot how many weeks I am now
I just want this baby out
I don't want it
It's causing to much stress
Diary...help me please

September 18, 1993

I lost you for a while
Can't believe you were right here
Underneath my bed covered by my favorite shirt
That now I can't wear anymore
I look like a cow
School is horrid
I almost beat one of my teachers with a textbook
He called me "Sahcow"

September 21, 1993

I just got dumped by the man I love
He said I didn't love him enough
That I was wieghing him down
I can't believe this
I haven't stopped crying since 12 last night
Why does everything have to go wrong with me?
Am I that broken?
That big of a **** up?

September 29, 1993

I have just successfully planned my suicide
The title of this diary says "Diary Of Broken Souls"
It should say "Diary Of Suicidal Souls"
I just read the other 402 other entries
That many people...dead...murdered...by cruelty
Might as well join them
My ******* is just about the same

October 8, 1993

Halloween is just around the corner
And with it comes my death
No more baby
No more mother *******
No more father crying at the sight of me
Well the tears will be for a different reason now
I'll write my last entry on Halloween

October 31, 1993

Today is the day
Finally coming to an end
I'll **** this baby first
Swallow a **** load of pain killers
Throw in a couple anti-depressants
Noose is tied just perfectly
I have it hanging over the school entry way
A little memorial for the girls at school
All the students actually
Who have called me names
Criticized me for this ****
Well good bye *******
Sorry Diary you didn't get to know me
I'll be memorialized in these pages
Somebody will know what it's like
To be 16, pregnant, and depressed from all of it

It's raining blood
Intestines dress the trees
Like Christmas lights
Heads on stakes
I'm king of the ****** Gore Fest
No rules no regulations
Come bathe in blood
Taste the sweet metallic flavor
Rejoice in the rotting of enemies
This is just the beginning
Of the ****** Gore Fest

I'm bored and the title says it all
I really have no life
I only have a girlfriend
(Sorry I mean fiance)
But I'm home alone like always
And there is absolutely nothing
For me to do
Time to start drinking
SALUD!!!

Fresh cut
There it stands
Waiting for your name
After so many years
Of running from your fate
You finally collapsed
Under the tidal waves of depression
Loaded up your 45
Tied a noose just in case
And sharpened your blade as a last resort
Ran to the place we both found peace and solitude
The one place I now refuse to wander
To me its not a name carved in stone
It’s your name I am carving into this stone
This marble headstone
Where in a few hours your body will be placed
Six feet below the shadow of this headstone
As the sun finally sets
I stayed after the ceremony
I asked you if you remembered those days
When we were just little kids
We would walk to the beach early in the morning
Stay all day
Listen to the other kids play
Their parents yelling at them
To not play with the jellyfish
That washed up on the shore
Hours before we arrived
We would walk hand in hand up and down the beach
Letting the water lick at our feet
Sat together in a silent embrace
We would wait patiently for the sun to set the sky on fire
With colors of the rainbow
We would watch the gulls shadow cross our faces
Reach for each other’s hands
It wasn’t selfish to sit here alone
It was just we loved being close
Sharing a common passion
The sea would extinguish the sun
The sea would glow with a neon foamy green
And we would swear it was the most beautiful place
The most perfect memories
The greatest moments within our history
Now here I am
Tears rolling down both cheeks
As I carve this name into the headstone
But its not just any name
It’s your name I am carving here
Trying not to mess up
Because deep down
I never told you how I feel
I regret not asking you out to the movies
The Valentines Day ball
The Homecoming Dance
The Middle School Prom
All the opportunities and instead
You sat at home alone
Crying your eyes out
Wearing the dress your parents bought
For you every time there was a dance to go to
I regret all the small things
That led me to pass up
Spending time with you the way we used to
And that pain hits me harder
With every time I carve a letter of your name
Into this ice cold marble headstone
I should have been there for you
The way that I promised you
I told you I would always be there for you
But I regrettably failed to keep that promise
And look at where it landed the both of us
Your dead and six feet below where I now stand
I am here standing looking at your name
The fresh name carved in stone
I am sorry
I still have all those secret Santa presents
And anonymous Valentines cards
The very ones we both knew where from you
Because you would blush
Every time I talked about them
You would try to hide your smile from me
And I thought it was the cutest thing ever
Because deep down I really do love you
And this pain I have from all the regret
Unfortunately gets passed to all the girls
I will use to cope with the pain
Your suicide has brought me
And I know it wasn’t selfish
You wanted to prove a point
And I hope these tears that refuse to stop flowing
Are evidence enough that your point is very clear
I Miss You!
I am sorry for all of this
But sadly the one thing that haunts me the most right now
Is seeing your name carved in stone
A name that I carved
Into ice cold unforgiving marble

You look in the mirror
Comb your hair
Say you're ****
Blow your reflection a kiss
Sit down at your desk and begin to write
"I'm **** for all the right reasons
Woman love me
I love myself
The world is pathetic
But I'm the reason the sun shines"
You're a poet
From what you tell yourself
Well my fellow "poet"
You're a narcissistic poet
With everything going against you
You should be more like me
Call yourself pathetic
Become your very own critic
Degrade yourself regularly
Sure it makes you depressed but for all the right reasons
You become better
Influencing yourself to be better
Without the knowledge that it's happening
Don't be a narcissistic poet
Be the poet that the world actually will like

The homeless,
The weak,
The poor,
The sick,
The dying,
The old,
The wise,
The young,
The stupid,
The rageful,
The pained,
The distraught,
The broken,
The suicidal,
The empty,
This is for you all
A toast
Another shot of whiskey
Another hit of ****
Just because we survived
SALUD!!!

You can hire me for whatever
I'll fix your broken heart
Repair the plumbing within its walls
Repair the wholes in it
I'll do it all for free
You can hire me to kiss you
To hold you
And I'll never charge you anything
As long as you tell me you love me
And I'm able to love you
With a love even a god himself
Cannot buy with anything
I'm your free handyman
I'll do whatever you want
Give you what you need
Even if I don't have the power to do that
I will try anyways
Ti amo con tutto il mio cuore

I hate the way it curves up
Each muscle in your face aching to be released
I hate your smile
Only because I know its fake
You don't even realize it anymore
You've become so accustomed to it
Nobody can tell the mask from your real complexion
Not even your reflection
I hate your smile
When you hide the frown
I'd rather you let me try and make it real
I hate the way that bright red lipstick
Glues it into place
The way the mascara seems to stain the edges
From every midnight love attempt from your pillow
Ending only in failure when the sun reaches your window
You can't hide from me
I can see through it all
I hate your smile
Mainly because it resembles mine all to much

I wait and wait
Phone tight in my hand
Never far just in case
I texted you yesterday
Still I'm waiting
Yet no reply

I called you twice
To see if your alright
To see if I did something
Yet it rang and rang
Voicemail not set up
Still...no reply

Is it me
What did I do
What didn't I do
Is it over between us
Did something happen to you
Are you in trouble

What the hell is going on
No reply
Nothing and Im getting worried
But even more depressed
Because I'm in love
And I'm missing your voice and your reply

Roses are red
Violets are blue
What do I do
When I'm lost without you

You brought color
Into my black and white world
Life flourished with smiles
Every time you walked by

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't feel dead
Everything is clear in my head

Fog swept in
You whisk it away with a kiss
You blew to me in the haze
That hit me with deadly accuracy

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I should be dead
But I'd rather live to love you

Is that what you called me?
A ******* Satanic?
I'm atheist for one
For two you must comprehend
The undeniable difference between
Insane and Satanic
Allow me to elaborate
Insanity comes from the constant
Redundant tolerance of *******
People like you propose
Satanism comes from the belief
That a super being with horns and wings
Can buy your soul and give you equality
I'm satanic?
Maybe I'll use you in my next ritual
Ask for the gift of sanity
So I can tolerate your ******* some more
Before you call me satanic
Learn how insane I am
Or I'll have to show you

I dont know
Never really did
The pain, the stress
The hunger for the truth
Blinded me from knowing
Whats wrong with me

I say I hate
I say Im angry
But thats my escape route
To keep me from realizing
That deep down inside
Im really hurt

Could this be
Whats wrong with me
Could it be
That im not looking hard enough
Not truly searching for
What all could be my problems

Like a pillars foundation
I have flaws
Some easily fixed
Others more complicated
But I still dont know
Whats wrong with me

Could it be
That I was never loved
By the one person
Who gave me my breath
Or cared enough
To say goodbye when she left

Whats wrong with me
I cant love
Without questioning it
But when Im with you
I still doubt it
But not so much

When I say those words
It pains me
Because I never felt this way
And Im scared
That I wont be able
To protect you from even more pain

Whats wrong with me
All I do is push and push
Never letting people close
Ending up alone
Without anyone to turn to
Yet I still manage to live

Every second is unknown
Every breath is questionable
Yet I still dont know
Whats wrong with me
That even your smile
Still makes me feel even more alone

I know that maybe knowing
Whats wrong with me
Is far from my reach
But I will know in the end
Since I have more time
I will spend it knowing I will succeed

Look me in the eye
Tell me you love me
Tell me you will help me
To discover exactly
Whats wrong with me
Tell me I'll never be alone

My mother abandoned me
She was the first
Just not the last
So dont abandon me
When I need you even more
At this time of despair

I've been hurt by those
Who were suppose to love me
And those I thought I loved
But the emotions are real with you
So please don hurt me now
Hurt me when I've learned more

I know I may say
"I'll never hurt you"
But I know that at times
We hurt those we dont want to
So until I've learned
Whats wrong with me, support me

Hold me close to your eart
Build me up when I fold
Dry my tears when they come
I only have this one life
And half of it will be spent
Figuring out whats wrong with me

So maybe if the truth
To all her lies
Comes and meets my ears
Maybe then I can know
Whats wrong with me
And hopefully you'll be at my side

**** it I love you
Maybe I really dont care
Whats wrong with me
As long as I have you
It doesnt matter
The past is the past I have to let it go

But the pain will remain
The anger and the hatred toward her
It's who I am
I just cant let it ruin me
Or determine my future
The future I wish for you to be apart of

Maybe I've known
Whats wrong with me
I just never accepted it
So the truth
To whats wrong with me
Is that I bottle my emotions

No that cant be right
Maybe there is more than one thing
That is wrong with me
So I wont rest till I know
Every inch of my heart
And why is it that Im confused

Syptoms to my disorder
Confusion, extreme anger, pure hatred,
Boredom, tiredness, and love for you
So I got a broken heart
And you fixed some of it
But it dont tell me nything

Another day, another month
Maybe even another year
And I still wont know
Whats wrong with me
So in the end
I might as well give up on knowing

The truth to who I am
What I am
Why I am the way I am
Why I think morbid things
Will never truly ne mine
So Im just another John Doe

Whats wrong with me
I've never been optimistic
I can barely love you
Without thinking
Your going to wake up
And realize you deserve better

Shadows on walls
Voices with no mouths
Faces that don't exist
Yet I can see them clear as day
I want to go out
Party the night away
Get drunk on laughter
Get high on the friendships
But where are they
These fake friends I have
Hallucinations in the night sky
Illusions I conjured up
While playing with Tonka toys
Ripping poor Barbies head off
I need friends
I need people willing to listen
I'm tired of wiping
Tears from the eyes of shadows
I want my tears to flow now
I want real friends
I never will though
Because these shadow knives
Hurt like hell
When plunged deep into my back
Guess it's time to move on
Rid my mind of fake friends
And play with guns and blades
Plunge my own knife
Into the pulsating demon
That lays deep in this echoing cavern
I'm tired of dealing with lies
And fake ******* drama
I need real friends
Willing to carry me through my struggles
Quick to dial 911
When I cut a little too deep
Or when foam starts bubbling at my mouth
Because I didn't mind the warning label
That clearly stated "Don't drink alcoholic beverages with medication"
Fake *** friends
**** them
Hi I'm Robert
Anybody want to be my friend?

Rejected from the loving embrace
****** from the hatred brewing
I don't know what monster you are
But show your true colors to me
Let me stare down into the eyes
Of my ****** reject reflection

March 10, 2009
This is my first entry in this diary
My name is Landon
I have one brother
He is the idol of the family
I have to be exactly like him
But I'm nothing in his shadow

March 15, 2009
Story of my life
My girlfriend dumped me
For her best friend
She really broke my heart
I have scars to prove it

March 23, 2009
My dad just beat me again
He said I should of been aborted
He says I'm the reason for his alcoholism
He blames me for my moms death
She died in a car wreck
I was crying in the back

April 5, 2009
I have really nothing left to fight for
My teachers try to help me
They just don't understand my life
Even when I try to explain it
But every body thinks I'm exaggerating

April 7, 2009
Just found out my grandma died
She was the only person I honestly loved
She would bake me cookies
They were the best
She knew how to make me smile
And now she's gone

April 14, 2009
My dad just tried killing me
He choked me half to death
I hate my life
Bet nobody will miss me if I ended it
Maybe I should

April 15, 2009
Best friend talked me off a ledge
I love his crazy ***
He is always there for me
I'm glad he is there for me
Dude is my brother

April 20, 2009
My ex just came to talk to me
She wants me back
Her best friend cheated on her
I told her yes
Maybe that was a mistake

April 24, 2009
Relationship...FAIL
Life...WASTE
FML
Best friend isn't around to help me
I just cut myself again
Whoops got blood on the paper

December 16, 2009
Sorry I haven't written in a while Diary
People probably would think this is gay
For a guy to be writing in a diary
But your the only thing that can listen
To everything I have to say
Quick update though
Nothing has gotten better
Everything has gotten worse

January 1, 2010
I fell in love with a goddess!
She is the best thing that could happen in my life
She is a poet and wrote the most beautiful poem I have ever read
She called me her perfect, beautiful demonic curse
She loves me too
I'm...happy...this is what it feels like huh?

February 14, 2010
I just went on a date with my girlfriend
Came home to my dads fist
It was suppose to be a good day
And an even better evening
She doesn't even know what goes on in my life
I don't want to bring her into this hell

February 20, 2010
She said I was being distant
She asked for an explanation
I told her I couldn't tell her
For her I wasn't going to tell her
She asked if there was another girl
I told her I was loyal like a ******* puppy dog
She still ended up breaking up with me

I just can't do anything right

April 2, 2010
I almost killed myself yesterday
I know it was April Fool's day
But I'm not joking
I'm planning my death I'll keep you posted when I decide
Diary...I love you.

June 14, 2010
I think in about two days I will be prepared
To end my life
Best friend is gone and I can't get a hold of him
Mother is dead and it's my fault according to my father
Father is an alcoholic
Brother doesn't want to listen to me
Nobody cares anymore

June 16, 2010
This will be my final entry
Diary, I'm sorry but I can't take it anymore
I already have 47 different pills ready to take
A 45 locked and loaded
Ready to scatter these unbearable thoughts across prison walls
I already slit my wrist again
Goodbye my friend
I love you

This is Landon's story
A kid that committed suicide
He was 16 years old
He died June 16, 2010
Time unknown
Don't let this be you
I don't want to write your name
Into the Diary of Broken Souls

i ran without looking back
left all those i loved behind
the last words i said
still haunting and echoeing my ears
and i know the further i go
its going to be a long road home

i never made them cry before
but when i left
i heared the weeps
and the tears hitting the floor
like a stampede of hoofs
stomping my heart a mile away

yet i continued on
never looking back
because i knew if i went back
my world would be black
thier hearts would be cold
and the truth would remain untold

i couldnt live a life like that
i had to escape
but my ties to this life
remain in the object of my love
the soul hier to my heart
the one whom i never thought to leave

she stands under an oak
using the leaves as an umbrella
for the rain has started
covering her tears she now sheds
as realization that i will not show sets in
she sits at the beginning of a long road home

i got a long road home
but the troubles i faced
will be worth it
when i find what i've searched so hard for
my sanity that was stripped at birth
my soul that left a pair of hollow eys
and i know this road will only get longer

This meadow once a graceful place
Pathways to untold peace
Narrow corridors into the heartland of tranquility
Weaving in, out, around trees
Like perfectly formed webs
That glisten with morning dew
Even as the sun sets through the branches
Cascading this meadow with darkness
New Moon blanketing the meadow
With the hope of new light
The voices begin to play
Lullaby whispers dancing on leaves
Shaking tree limbs to the eerie silence
The nonexistent breeze
Carrying the meadow into ballrooms of vampiric flames
Thirsty for the life each tree branch holds
Silent meadow voices
Truly are silent
When meadows burn to the sound
Of crackling horror-stricken leaves
Curling under the immense heat
Fossilized in ashes
Making this once tranquil meadow
An ashen wasteland for silent meadow voices
Refusing to even open their tongues
To welcome the morning sun
Bringing new light
To the horror of silent meadow voices...silenced

Sit me down at the bar
I'll take a Jacks on the Rocks
I need it strong
Stronger than you've ever made it
So make it a tall glass
I'll be here for a while

Hey bartender pour me another
Let me tell you why I'm here
I walked out of a church
I was suppose to get married today
She's a beautiful women
Smart, ****, Sensitive
Couldn't ask for a better woman
I walked out because I'm not marriage material
I wasn't meant to be a husband
Not to someone as incredible as her
She deserves a man
Aiming, truly willing to be by her side
Through the thick and sick days
I'm leaving to go to war
For a country that turns their back
On the men and women sacrificing
The things and people they love

Hey bartender
I'm going to need another
This buzz isn't strong enough
***** it put a little Jose Cuervo
He'll spice this buzz up

See bartender I may be a stupid man
But I know what's worth fighting for
She is worth every bomb exploding
Every soul my AR15 takes
I'll be the grim reaper in any country
As long as I know she is truly safe
I guess I should attend my wedding
The same way I'll attend my brothers funeral
Filled with sorrow and love
Another son is going to war
With a bottle and for a woman
A son that might never come home
The way she wants me too

She loves me!
She loves me not!
She loves me?
Stupidest game I ever played
Watching the pedals fall
Like my heart
Making love with my feet
When it reached the bottom
Only because I wasted my time
Being the pawn in your twisted game of love
I'm glad it's over between us
Nothing remains
Not even a friendship
You let that go to waste
When you decided
It couldn't be true

You hold me gently
Letting me slither down your throat
You feel the burn of my venom
Slowly drifting you off into another life
I'm that bottle of jacks you cracked open
I'm the two cubes of ice
Clinking and clanking against the glass
I'm the condensation dripping off the glass
Onto your black satin pants
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to ease your problems

You hold me tightly
Letting my edges run across foreign skin
You feel the sting of my tip
Slowly rowing you off into a fantasy
I'm the blade you hold with pride
The drops of blood
Dripping and puddling at your feet
I'm the scar that wont go away
Hiding under ******* and bracelets
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to feel relief from yesterday

You hold me shaking
Letting my every fiber run around your neck
You feel the tightness of my grasp
Slowly release you from reality
I'm the noose you tide awkwardly
The black and blues
Bruising and beating on your neck
I'm the first resort you run to
Chasing off your worries along with the oxygen
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to get away from the depression

You hold me sweetly
Letting my cold steel hide behind your finger
You feel the weight of every bullet
Slowly sending you off to slumber
I'm the pistol you're afraid of
The silver and gold
Sparkling and shining in front of your face
I'm the last option you ever think of
Killing your thoughts with the pulling of a trigger
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just to save yourself from tomorrow

These are my confessions as the midnight stranger
Always witnessing you leaving me behind
Rushing yourself out the door in the morning
No trace that our love ever existed
Even when I loved you like no other
Because I was the only one to ever love you
But you never shared love with
It was always hate
Pain we both endured together
As you forced me to take away your depression
Forcing me to **** the only friend I thought I could make
I'm the midnight stranger
You have one night stands with
Just because I'm all you ever had

Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am?
You don't remember these soft drown eyes
Staring into the vacant depths
Of your glazed over eyes
Donut wholes on your sunk in face
Mother, I'm that 13 month old baby
You abandoned and never looked back on
I'm the nuisance in the back of your head
Wishing you would wake up and feed me
Change my soiled diapers
The way you should change your habits
Mother, pleas I'm begging
I'm crying tears of snowflake shadows
I need you yet you're not there
You're two inches from my face
Crashing into couch cushions
Like suicide bombers
Needle stil stuck in your arm
Filling your veins with a substance
That prevented you from loving me
Hello...mother
Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am now?
I wanted you to love me
Tell me bedtime stories
Keep the nightlight on
Long enough for me to fall asleep
Unafraid of what the shadows hold
Tuck me in and kiss me goodnight
Like the moon itself
Every night to the rest of the world
I want to be your world
Drenched in your loving moonlight
But no, the drugs you overdosed on
Prevented you from doing just that
And you still haven't learned your lesson
You called me several times
Telling me you love me
That you're sorry for leaving
But within the 5 minutes
It took you to choke your tongue
To say even one of those words
You sail away on that kite
Crash immediately into my heart
Causing missile words to bombard my walls
Calling me worthless, pathetic, and a waste
Hello...mother
Please remember me!
Please remember who I am!
I'm the baby you refused to hold at birth
I'm the last child of four
You wish you would have aborted
1 month prior to my concieving
Hello...mother
The late night hours of needles and pills
Powdery white lines cut like a chef
Must have erased me from your life
And if I could bleed every drop of your blood out
I'd carve canyons in my wrist
Let loose the dams
Drown in the wake
I don't want to be your son
I want to be the child of four you never had
Hello...
Forgive me for this
I know you don't remember me
I know you don't know who I am
But I hate you
I can only thank you for making me a poet
Giving me this curse
Because I'm no longer your puppet
Or your voodoo doll
With 12 needles in his chest
I'm the kid you will never know
So this greeting shall be as strangers
You never cared to know me
So this farewell shall be as strangers
Goodbye...
                  ...Mother

I'm just like you
Take a look in the mirror
I have the same features as you
I have the same pain
If not more
Hell awaits my coming
But till then I shall feed Lady Death
With the souls of those I ****
But they don't have a soul
Because they are all me
I'm a serial killer poet
But its not anybody you know I ****
I **** the multiple personalities
To the sick and twisted side of my mind
Let me be the next victim please
I can't stand to live this way
I am awaiting the chair
Maybe lethal injection
Anything will be better than this
Constantly killing
I'm just the typical serial killer poet
I hunger for blood
Thirst for the scent of rotting flesh
I get off with my constant suicide
I envy the way I die
But sadly I cannot attain this gift
I'm a serial killer poet
But I **** myself within my poetry
Not people I don't know in life
So call me crazy
Throw me in an asylum
Lock me up and throw away the key
I will continue to be nothing more
Than a serial killer poet

Its only 2:05 am
And I havent slept a second
Since 9:00 yesterday morning
The only thing on my mind
Is what to say to you
What more is there to me
I really want you to know
I've told you of the dangerous side of me
I've told you the emotional side
You've seen my complexion
All my faults are truly evident
I've never been more scared
To open my mouth and say hello
Without worrying I'll tell you who I am
I'm a spy
I'm an undercover cop
I'm the prince of some unknown island
I'm Bob Marley's best friend
I'm a zombie
Yeah that works
I'm a zombie not looking for brains
But for the heart beating in your delicate chest
All I want to do is hear it race after ***
And listen to it calm when I tell you all my secrets
As I hold you closer than before I came
Im a heart warming zombie
Only out to infect love in your smile
Happiness in your laugh
And joy in your cheeks
I could tell you how I would do that
But where would the adventure be
When all my secrets of getting you to see
Just how much I care for you
Are spilled marbles on the floor
I'll be your goofball zombie
Walking like the dead into silent screams
Where you'll just be too nervous
To walk out the door
I'll have an audience in my unsuspecting neighbors
They'll know how deep my exploration
Of your fragile frame went
How much gold and diamonds I dug up
When they see you waddling to my truck
Let me stop insinuating I'm good at ***
When I havent ****** in over two months
My zombie ***** are about to fall off
My **** just remains hard when I'm texting you
It seems you've caught the attention
Of everything with a mind in my body
All my senses crave you
I yearn to taste your bubble gum lips
Smell the decadent aroma of lust and perfume
Dancing in harmony on your silken skin
Watch your body unfold
As your clothing collects on the floor
Feel the warmth of your thighs
Gripping tighter to my waist
And even tighter around my shoulders
Hear you melting away in my touch
As each hand reaches further
Rubbing thigh to waist
Waist to shoulders
Shoulders to hair
As fingers intertwine with your curls
Pulling them back exposing pulsating veins
Deep within your neck
Where I'll gently place my lips
And guide them ever so softly
So I won't leave a trace
I'll bite even softer
Just hard enough to make the sensation
Rattle your hips
I'm a heart warming zombie
Only out for you
The last living piece of perfection
Just begging to be explored
By somebody with a Ph.D
In how to drive your body completely insane
Before it even effects your mind
I'm sorry if it seems criminal
But I'm only out for your heart
Bc you managed to leave with mine
I could tell you all my secrets
Yet its so much more fun
When you learn them along the way
I'll never know everything about you
I'll try to make sure you know
Every last thing about me
Just so you know if I'm the man for you
I'm not asking to be your lover
I'm not asking to be your friend
I'm asking only if you'll give me a chance
Show you my hand
Before I even play them
I'm not asking for epic sessions
Of the most intense ***
On nights when we get bored
I'm wanting to know
If this heart warming zombie
I see every morning in the mirror
Can be more than someone you talk to
When everything else loses all interest
I'll take the risk
In destroying walls
Built so many millenniums ago
Thick with brick and steel
Riddled with rust and cracks
I'll bleed as much as I need to
When opening myself to you
Creates thicker scars
Then when I'm just offering dust
To women I'll never see again
Its time this heart warming zombie
Laid down with someone's raw heart
And watched it beat on the walls of your cavity
Tasted all its faults
Listened to its demands
While becoming what it truly desires
I know I'm old and senile at 19
Trying to find the perfect ending to this
Really ****** poem
Jumping all around emotions
I'm just trying to figure out
What to say to you
When all I have left to say
Is a question followed by a statement
I know too **** well
Neither one of is ready to say or hear
I guess I'll end this with an emoji
A simple :* from a zombie
Looking for his princess to be

the hearts of men are cold and violent
so we turn to the hearts of women
their perfume assailing our nose
soft heartbeat like a choir of birds

no other woman can love me like you do
you nurse me when I'm sick
you love me when i'm losing
you never hate me

you helped me turn a corner
writing a new chapter
book number three
you'll always love me

you praise me when i'm calm
you stand in my way when i'm going crazy
i fall deeper in love
no regret for tearing my heart out

you give me no reason to hate
smile from ear to ear
gaining sanity i never had
i worship you like a goddess

the tears come freely
relief like no other
my heart was cold
making me blind

a heavy fog lifting
vision repaired
i see the world happy and smiling
welcoming the first sunrise

i love you with all my heart
never will i allow you to leave
marriage i ask
till death of our death shall we part

If so how much?
Would you die for me?
Would you put down the drugs?
Would you answer my questions?
Would you answer them truthfully?
Do you love me?

I dont know why I ask
You cant hear me
Your dead to me
You died when you walked away
Leaving me in soiled diapers
Hungry and crying

How else am I suppose to feel?
Why did you do it?
Was it easy?
When were you goiong to comeback?
Do you love me?
Or are you just bullshiting me?

Whats the point of this?
Always feeling ander and hate
Pain is the reasons for them
Because Im still that lost kid
Still looking for his mother
But she's passed out on the couch

Did you try to quit?
Did you really want me?
Was I even important?
Do you know anything about me?
What were you thinking?
Were you thinking at all?

Your nothing to me now
Just the woman who gave me life
I dont have to love you
Or waste my time with you
You dont know me
And I dont care to learn anymore about you

Do you love me?
Did you ever?
Is my father my real father?
Did you decieve him as well?
What did I ever do to you?
Is my life worth living as your son?

You lied to me
You decieved my siblings
You tainted my world
And ruined my heart
Im sick of you
So for once tell me the truth

No more questions
Because I know you wont answer them
Your pathetic you know that
You dont love and never did
So why bother
Thinking about you everyday?

They say no matter
How crazy your mother becomes
You're suppose to love her all the same
Yet when your the victim
Intestines scattered across the floors
Testicles torn from your body
Deprived of manhood
You look at her and simply think
"I'm a victim to your insanity"
You contemplate the vengeance
Venture forth on a Vendetta
For the safety of huMANity
Because who knows how many
Nuts she will crack
She's the Nutcracker from a horror film
Many nut shells left in her wake
Unfortunately we are all victims
To somebody's insanity
Whether it be our own
Or our manhood depriving mother
In the end you still have to grow a pair
To survive any kind of insanity

Loves dangerous game
Kills painfully without mercy
Choking his victims heart
Clouding their vision with false love

He waits patiently for them
Then he strikes with harsh words
He whispers  in your ear
You forgive him because you love him

You think he loves you
But he loves the blood that will spill
Loves dangerous game
Where love always wins

He tells you lies
And feeds your heart poison
He slowly kills you
Then he sinks his teeth in

Tearing your heart out
Fully killing you and leaving you
Inches from deaths extended hand
But you manage a smile

Your strong and you know it
Bleeding from the inside
But the mask covers it
False smiles forever showing

Poetry flows with the hatred
Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
Not knowing if you will survive

That son of a b** you cry
Thinking how could he do this
But you already know the the answer
He has no remorse and no heart

He's a criminal mastermind
Kiilling you without killing you
Making you feel like your not important
Than the voices get louder

Cursing yourself for your stupidity
Not knowing if you can love again
His face scaring your eyelids
Making you awake from the nightmares

Crying and screaming
Kicking and sweating
Thinking your drowning
Choking on your blood

The pains too much
You miss his touch
Then you cut your wrist
Adding a sick twist

Wandering why you can't sleep
Popping pills by the bounty
Livin  at the bottom of the bottle
Waking up from the nightmare

Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
You hunt him down
Hopping to find his ****** heart

Stabbing the knife where his heart belongs
It disappears in his chest
He slits your throat
Deaths extended hand you grab

Now who's the fool
You were his tool
Death came to you
Sweet like victory

He finished what he started
A smile crosses your face
Blood flows like a river
He drinks his fill

Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
Lived your life in the shadows
Buried without a tear

Nothing on your tombstone
Your a lost memory
You finished your story too soon
Not the life you could of lived

You were important to somebody
The boy that watched you die
Your own son couldn't bear the pain
Now he's dying inside without a mother

I wrote about you
Memorializing you in every line
350+ poems and it still isn't enough?
This is a bad love affair
Between me and you
Nothing seems right
You've grown distant
Bipolar in every way
I loved you
I hated you
I cried because of you
I would have died for you
So this bad love affair
Between me and my emotions
Has to end...now

I'd kiss you a million times
Hold you till I could remember
How your skin feels from a distance
I can't thank you enough
Baby I finally found what my poetic heart desires
You
Everything I found in you
A sense of peace and calm
Washed over me like the midnight tide
On the newly hatched sea-turtles
Not many made it far but I was the first
To be able to say
I beat the rest to mother safety
I can't thank you enough
I'm complete for the first time
Not wondering if tomorrow
Holds another bad day
Because everyday is a good day with you
Apart of tomorrow
Whether rain or shine
I'm finally holding onto
The greatest thing in this world
My poetic heart you managed to steal

Father can you listen to me
Will you listen to me for a minute
I don't feel loved by you anymore
You were never home
Mom practically raised me
Everything I learned as a man
I learned by another man
Who took me under their wing
You didn't even talk to me about ***
I learned what I was doing as I kept on having it
I didn't know what an STD or *** was
I learned that in *** Ed
I had no idea on how to change the oil in a car
My boyscout leader taught me
Father we never spend anytime together
I wish we could play catch
I wish you could teach me how to ride a bike
But wait I forgot Rafial's dad did
You were always gone
No wonder I'm half a man
No wonder I'm emotionally distant
I have nothing to offer anybody
But half dead poetry
Based on killing myself
Because secretly I don't have a father
Even though he sits right next to me
I wish you would listen to me
But you're not here for me to tell you this
I hope you can forgive me
For resenting you all this time
I'm leaving in a year
And you still make no effort
In being here to see me off
Fine
I made it this far without you
I will make it farther without you
Hello father nice to see you
Goodbye father sorry you just got home
But I'm leaving

With a soft dancing flame
You slowly melt away
You provide me light
When the lights are out
Within the dark hallways
You guide me
Candles
Such a beautiful aroma you let off
With a simple slight gust
Your flickering heart goes out
Awaiting your next and new spark
Together again you will be

It isn't **** day like that funny commercial
It's day I say **** the world
I say to you my friends
I'll enjoy the works you all post
Today is Read Every Poem You Can Day

Carnitas on the pit
Oranges searing as they hit the grill
Carne asada marinating
Waiting to be sampled
Coronas add lime
A **** shot of jacks
Laughing kids running around
Saturday morning was meant
For memories like this
Searing their own grill marks on our brains
Trampoline backflips into pools
Picking a lemon off the tree
Charcoal growing white
Familiar goodbyes and laters
Maybe another time joy will reach
This house that never seems to smile

Goodbye
I'm going to ******* die now
I slit my wrist
I'm not looking for attention
I'm not looking for help
I'm helping myself
By permanently solving
All these temporary problems
Seeing as how I am the problem apparently
So I'll say goodbye one last time
Lay my head to rest
And just slip away
Into my own oblivion

Today is Independence Day
Yet I'm still depending on you
To tell me you love me
When do I get to write my Constitution
When do I get to free myself
From the tyranny of my heart
Always needing you here
Holding me gently
I'm sick of it
I need my independence from you

Here I am
Living proof
That YOLO is a false statement
Because here I have lived
Over a million times
Walked in the shoes
Of a million people
And those who have seen the life
That is either as bad as mine
Or as good as mine
Have become the inspiration to every poem
I am not just your average poet
I am the voice of the speechless
The ears to the unheard
Why should the rejected be refused
We still bleed
Even if we bleed
Blood darkened with poison
You Only Live Once is a false statement
Because I have killed myself
Over a million times
Within the words
I have painted onto lines
I am an artist
Words that might be cold
Words that might be heavenly
But still words
Intended for an audience
That can comprehend their meaning
I have murdered millions of people
Within the words
Yet they still stand
They still try to tear me down
They still reject the refused
I ****, I commit suicide
Every time I close my eyes
So continue to use a statement
False in every way
You Only Live Once
You Die You **** Every Chance You Are Given

Dear My Love,
I wanted to write to you
To simply say I miss you
I know we broke up six days ago
But my heart has grown weak without you
I wish you never stopped holding it
I don't know why I'm writing this
You'll probably disregard this
The same way you did me
At the Homecoming dance
You were busy texting your friends
I tried getting you on the dance floor
But what did you say
"I'm too busy"
Well I hope you're not busy
To attend my funeral
I'm not killing myself
You are
You killed me
When you walked out of my life
Stole my breath
And never returned my lungs
I'm suffocating
Choking on what was
Needing your touch
But your arms are around another
I guess I hold no value in your life
I miss you
That's all I really have to say
I love you too
Sincerely,
The man you never cared to love

You didn't have time to react
Nuclear reactors melting
Why couldn't I have given you a signal
Allowed you to evacuate the valley
I just wanted death and chaos
I never wanted your heart to be inhabitable
I wanted it all to myself
Yet left myself in ruin
Alone in the dark
With only ghostly dolls to play with
I was another Chernobyl
Another disaster in the plains of your heart
Another tragedy soon to be forgotten

You don't need 20 lbs of make-up
Just look good enough
For six pack abs Dave
He likes them natural
He never paid you any mind
Byt when your sister went shopping
Buying make-up for her girls-night-out
Dave walked up and said
No make-up, you still look beautiful
These abs are spray on
This tan from the farm work
I'm looking for someone true
That's why I pretend I'm ripped

Remember when you were just a kid
How you would sit on the beach for hours
Waiting for the Sun to finally set
Sleep on the beach
Because you were tired from the day
Remember how you would get chased
By the girls at your Elementary school
Hahah you had good times
Till you found out and could really understand
That the woman who lived in your house
Who always sent you off to school
Who kissed you good night
Who told you she loved you
Remember how you felt
How you grew so angry
Because the truth was that this woman
Wasn't your real biological mother
Your real one abandoned you
She left you at 13 months old
Left in the middle of the day
In *****, soiled diapers
She would pass out from the alcohol
Crash from the high
That the drugs gave her
Leaving you hungry for hours
Waking up when your father came home
Or her drug dealer wanted something in return
Just because she didn't have the money
Remember all of those things
Remember when you met her for the first time
She asked your stepmom
"Who is that? Is that Jr?"
Yeah it was you
Grown up and matured
Remember the thought that passed through your mind
How can she not know who the ******* are
Remember how angry you were
See I know all of this because
Well simply put I am you
I am 17 years of age
I want you to remember the way you were
Because with age comes wisdom
And I have been privelaged enough
To have a good sense of observation
I have become very wise
Well we have become very wise
See I miss those times
When we would ride our skateboard
Or try to blow things up with a firecracker
Hahaha remember those times
Look I don't know if you remember all of this
But if you ever get a chance to read this
Know that I hate us
I hate all of the darkness
I hate every poem I write
I hate everything I think about
Simply because the darkness is towards her
The poems are written for nobody but somebody
And the things I think about
Keep me up well into the late hours of the day
Robert
I hope you get a chance to read this
Because this poem may be the last
You may never get a chance to read this
Because I hate the fact that I have so much pain
So much of useless emotions
And I am tired of dying within words
Written on a piece of paper
I want to embrace death
So hopefully one day you will read this
Even if you come back in a different life
As somebody or somehing else
Just read at least one line of this
So the past doesn't repeat itself
I hope you can forgive me
                                               Sincerly,
                                                     Robert Guerrero