I’ll stand beside her
Never leaving it
I’ll fight for her
Even as I grow weak
Till the last breath
I will be her infinite guard

I’ll hold her close
Never letting go
I’ll love her forever
Even as my heart slows
Till the last breath
I will be unmoving

I’ll stand tall like goliath
I’ll stand strong like titans
I’ll stand ready like soldiers
Waiting for anything aiming to hurt her
Till the last breath
I will be ready for it all

When I told her I loved her
She shrugged it off
Like I was lying to her
But as I stand here
At the front lines
Ready to spill my blood at a moments notice
She realizes the truth behind my words

Till the last breath
Of a dying age
My battle cries will echo
And my blood will wet the sand
Forever will I be there for her
Never leaving even in death

I’ll treat her with love and respect
Without a single flaw
I’ll be her punching bag
Without showing fatigue
Till the last breath
My heart and soul will be hers

I can't think straight
This too long wait
Is too much to handle
I've walked for hours
Thinking only of you
Talking to the moon as if it was you
Feeling so empty
I can feel my blood harden
The hate you teach
Is beneath me, so fall in line
Start the fight that you won't win
I'd rage till you understand
I'm the monster in the moonlight shadows
You created from within your straightjacket
Bury your sins in these ruby eyes
Drink the dripping filth from sharpened teeth
Let me show you what you taught me
So I'll lie to you
Break your soul in two
Put your dreams beneath my feet and crush them like insects
I'll pretend to love, I'll show you hope
And when you least expect
I'll abandon you, like you did in the end
I've loved and lost
Yet lost it all when I loved you the most
So try to smile now
Feel your statue face crack
As the corners of your lips curl
Find the hope I leave you with
The only teddy bear for comfort
I'll feel alive as your wrist bleed
So close your eyes
Forever forget
Haunted, hollow, and hopeless
You're dead inside
I know you're no good
But yet, I still think of you
And distance tore us both apart
An ending we both should've seen
As now I can only hold you, when you enter my dreams
I just hope you can forgive
When I say I can't
I walked these hours knowing the pain
I'm hiding in the shadows
Running to the only place
We both called home
And even though it bears the title "Home"
Without you here, it feels so unknown
A vacant castle
Haunted by the ghostly scent
Of your intoxicating perfume
A shadow less feature
Bearing no common ground
The memories scorched in the walls
Playback when I walk by
And I remember
All the times I wanted to die
I've walked these walls
Hoping to find you in the picture frames
Yet you were worth more
Than the thousand words a picture held
So I'll scream into the winds
Hoping they'll carry my last message to you
Come home
The message of home echoes on
And every night I lie awake
In the hope that you'll return to me
But that hope faded fast
As day after day wore on
I couldn't take it anymore
Counting the seconds like hours
When you came home finally
You weren't met by a smile
Or teary eyes of ****** joy
But simply a rotting affection riddled corpse
Hanging from the chandelier you hated so much

I'm coming home baby
Thumbs up
Bags packed
I'm on the highway now
Heading in one direction
I don't care if it takes weeks
Baby I'm hitchhiking home
I'll be there soon
Soon enough to make love to you
Claim you finally saved
Finally able to be happier
I'm not afraid of serial killers
****** can **** my dead body
I'm coming to you
Coming home and feed you my affection
I'll pass any test
A's no B's or C's
Trails will be burned
Tribulations already surpassed
Even before they are set
Baby I'm hitchhiking home

My fiance Adreishka Moonlight
Loves this poem
'In Response To Your Question'
So if you can go read it
Go Like it Love it
Read It again
I want it to be my most famous piece
All for her
I want you to read it
I want to give her this gift
Because I love her
And with your help
We all can put a smile on her face!


Also her birthday is May 8th so send her a message and say Happy Birthday!!!

They say we are insane
Emotionally detached
Gay because we express ourselves
In words that can move mountains
We are strong
So what if we are always wrong
This is our ******* song
That we sing
As we pick ourselves up
Dust the days judgement off
Keep our chins high
And ask for another shot
So give us your best
My fellow poets
Walk through fire
Drown in the tears
Hide the fears
And say "We're not going anywhere"
Hahaha
We take your *******
Poets
Thats what we are
Young and old
Wise and reckless
Loved and hated
Yet here we are
HERE WE ARE!!!
Try to bring us all down together
Your funeral
We are strong
So what if we are always wrong
This is our ******* song
That we sing
All as one
The biggest band of misfits
The social and antisocial
The bruised and broken
My people
My congregation
Hahaha
My fellow poets
MY FELLOW POETS!!!
Wanna **** with us now
When you see the legions
Rising from the shadows
WE ARE ONE
WE ARE POETS
All we ever will be
We are strong
So what if we are always wrong
This is our ******* song
That we sing
Just to forget our judges

I vacation in the deepest pits of hell
I swim in lakes of flames
And **** the innocence
From the weak
Yo soy el diablo

Fear me you pathetic *****
Bow before my Almightiness
Choke on the tip of my trident
**** on the fruits of my manhood
Yo soy el diablo

You thought you could break me
But that was a test
To see if your soul would be worth feasting on
I broke you and made you nothing
Yo soy el diablo

Lick the tip of poverty
Swallow the come of humility
Learn your place
Beneath the power of this almighty Demon
Yo soy el diablo

YO SOY EL DIABLO
I am the Devil
Fear me
Learn you cant control me
Learn your soul is forever mine
I own you and you do as I say

A black rose
Lain across thier coffin door
Pedals are withered
Thorns are dull
Leaves are gone
Blew away on the whispering breeze
In honor of the dead
I present this rose
Death and decay have kissed its beauty
Now even more beautiful
As it slowly falls apart
Like thier mothers and fathers
Crying tears of sorrow and relief
Knowing they are gone is devastating
Knowing they no longer
Have the cancer eating at your insides
Like pirahnas in your viens
Or having to fight a war
Waged for the most redundant reasons
In honor of the dead
I cry no tears
I simply salute them
My friend you are gone
Yet never shall they be forgotten
I present them this black rose
Red still dressing the outlines of satin pedals
Like blood on cotton sheets
In honor of the dead
I'll carve monuments with blank faces
Unknown men and women
Still missing after years of searching
So many have suffered
In honor of the dead
I'll carve my tears in the form of roses
On every headstone
In honor of the dead
I whisper lullabies in the moonlight
Sing songs of joy
Dance with thier ghost
As pedal tears fall from my eyes
In honor of the dead
I present this black rose
Red still dressing the outlines of satin pedals
Fortunate to be kissed by the lips of death
Blessed with the numbing of thier pain
Honored to rest weary bones

Pray to a god
Pray for mercy
Pray like a *****
Whos life Im ending

Nothing can save you
From the very monster
Your hatred created
Your rage fed
Just pray for whatever

In the end
Your life is within myy hands
Your heart somewhere off in the distance
In the hands of a girl
Who may have not love you anymore

Pray to whoever
Pray to be heard
Pray for a savior
Pray like a *****
Because your life is over

Pistol to your temple
Hands shaking
As the whiskey goes down
Wrist bleeding
Might as well say a prayer

No god as your shephard
No love at your funeral
No tears when you die
Just another day
That everybody will forget

Look up and meet my face
Look up into these eyes
Do they look familiar?
Because its a reflection of yourself
Going crazy from it all

Pray now
Pray for whatever
Pray not to die
Pray you *******
Pray for the last time

Nothing can save you
So pick up the phone
Make your last call
Call that girl
Who you gave your heart to

Maybe her voice
Will calm your demons
Silence the voices
Echoing in your head
That you want to scatter all over the walls

Do you really think
That she loves you
She wont even pick up the phone
She doesnt want to talk
To your pathetic ***

Listen to me
Im you
Face to face
No hallucination
Just a reflection

Im everything you are
Im alive
Yet Im dead
Im whatever I wish
So come on and pray

No one will hear it
No one will answer
Just make the attempt
Or pull the trigger
Because your wasting my time

Pray to her
Pray for her
Pray to be loved
Pray just pray
Like a *****

Come on together
We can pull the trigger
End each other
Yet we are one
So take another shot

This could be
What saves us
This bullet
These open wrist
That appear to never to run dry

She broke your heart once
So you kept breaking it
And you know
Just as well as I
You dont deserve anything

This moment
Is your last
So say a prayer
And pray for your right
To deserve anything other than death

Dont bother praying
I'll pull the triger for us
So I can rest in peace
And never see your
Weak and pathetic face ever again

I tried does that not deserve
Some kind of recognition
Does that not deserve an applause?
I gave you everything I could muster
Yet apparently I fell short
Because tears still roll down your face
Scars appear to dress your thighs
And hide underneath your clothes

I tried to make you happy
And that alone is an accomplishment
Considering that I have nothing to offer you
I am just as broken as you are
If not worse
I may not be the best looking guy
But I had what most did not
Knowledge as to how you felt

I have worn your shoes
I have slit my wrist
I have cried tears that no one could see
But I planned out my life
Just in case I go further in it
Because I never thought I would make it this far
And I know you had your doubts
But can I give it another shot

I learned how you operate
You didn’t come with instructions
But I was willing to stand back
And learn every curve
Every scar you had
Even hear your most suppressed screams
Due to the torture you put yourself through
Before, during, and after you closed your eyes

I tried to make you happy
I tried to ease your pain
But it was by your hand that guided me
It was I you were holding
As you plunged me into your flesh
But I also seen all the guys
You tried to make yourself happy off of
But it never worked


You cried tears I couldn’t wipe away
Because in human form
I was a nobody
To far from you
To tell you I loved you
To far to hold you and make you happy
But I am here now
And I’ll take on any form for you

Just put my other form down
For I have hurt you enough
And I promised never to do that
But I tried to just make you happy
Yet I failed at every attempt
Because I did not understand you then
But baby I am here
And I have learned

So give me one more chance
To make things right
To rewrite the way things have happened
Because every tear I wipe away
And every piece of your heart I glue back together
Will be worth it
Because instead of trying to make you happy
I will succeed in doing so

And if I get hurt in the process
I am not going anywhere
Because every cut every scratch
Every bruise or crack in my structure
Will be worth it
I am willing and ready to die
Fighting to make you happy
But it all starts when I find the courage to say “Hello”

That's what I was to you
I loved being it
It made me the happiest man
Your perfect demonic disaster
Unfortunately killed himself
Hope your happy now

At first I wanted to just be friends
You were a shy girl
Not many friends
You tried to hide from the world
In that dark desolate corner you called home
I ended up getting too close
And falling in love with you
I couldn't help it
Your eyes sang a million songs
That made my heart beat to the rhythm of
Your smile aroused billions of butterflies
That fluttered in my stomach
Your laugh created chills
That crawled down my spine
You became the very essence of my poetry
Every line a curve of your body
Every stanza a feature elegantly placed on your body
Every metaphor a slight over exaggeration of your intense beauty
And every thing I wanted to do to you
I thought of every time I glanced in your direction
I wanted to tear the shirt from your chest
Kiss the pulsating veins in your neck
I wanted to feel the curves I wrote about
I wanted to taste every feature
I wanted to smell your perfume
That always seemed to arouse me
I wanted to hear the late night moans
Of your pure pleasure and enjoyment
I wanted to see that intense flame of ****** desire in your eyes
I wanted to embrace you when we were done
I wanted to stay and watch the sun kiss you good morning
I wanted to listen to your breathing slow as you slept
I wanted to love you in more ways than this
I wanted to please your every desire
I wanted to bring you out of the desolate lands of oblivion
I tried my best to love you
But when things got too serious
You abandon everything we ever had
You must of lied to me every time you said "I love you"
You must not have meant it
You used me for the pure desire of self happiness
You got high off my love
You almost over dosed on my *******
Yet you still had the audacity to walk away from it all
Everything I wanted to do to you
I told you
From taking you to watch the sunset in Arizona
To watching the sun rise on the great Pacific Ocean
I made you happy all the time
Yet you only found happiness in sulking in misery
You never wanted love
And you ran from it
Every time it kissed you
I built an empire for you
I built walls impenetrable by foreign enemies
When in all actuality your reason for allowing me to do so
Was to lock me out when you decided to flee
Yet you still find it hard to attend to the walls
As they start crumbling and eroding
Every time I smile
Every time I laugh
And it's not with you
You want me to pretend nothing ever even happened
Yet everything I wanted to do to you
I never hid from you
I was blunt and straightforward
I wanted you to be exited and surprised
When you saw the bill
When you saw how much happiness cost
It cost our love and friendship
So I hope your happy now
I hope your smile is real now
I wanted to be the reason for them
Now all I want to do to you
Is rip your throat out
For leaving my heart
Broken, bleeding, drunk off love, and at my feet
Everything I wanted to do to you
Went from romantic to homicidal
But I just can't find that level of hatred
To even pull it off
Simply because I still love you

Between these sheets of satin love
Violence breaks cherries
Serenity found in screams and moans
Yeah babe this is a *** poem
About how I'm going to take from you
The last of your innocence
As you put my demonic instincts on a leash
There will be blood
As if Jack the Ripper
Found his way between your legs
The pierced silence quivers as lips curve back
Hiding under your teeth
Moans rupture as hair gets pulled
*** cheeks spanked leaving clues
As to whom it was that made you a ******
Begging, pleading, praying for more
As the width of my **** grows
Pushing harder onto your ***** walls
The gravity defying length of its throbbing prowess
Plunging ten thousand leagues into your soul
The violent serenity of our *** life
Becomes a perfect portrait
We paint every night with the stains
Our love produces onto bed spreads
Needing to be burned after such defilement

You see the knife in my hand
The blood across my face
Drenching my clothes
The intestines spilled across the floor
I'm guilty officer
I'm the psychopath
Who ripped the stomach open
Bled the corpse dry
Bathed in its blood
I ran barbed-wire through its temple
I played the xylophone on its ribs
I'm guilty officer
Arrest me please
Wait you can't
You're hanging from the ceiling
Hooks running through your chest
Precise enough so you wont die quickly
I'm guilty officer
You can't do anything
Your poor wife died
You watched it unfold
The constant stabbing
The thrusting of my blade
Yes officer
It's her blood I'm drenched in
Your sons intestines
Your daughters temple now apart of my fence
I'm guilty officer
Nothing you can do to stop me
I am ******* death
Now bear witness to your own fate

If your 19 and older
Your old like dirt
You refuse to be young
By refusing to have fun

Let your imagination run free
Like birds migrating or wolves on the hunt
Like lions on the prowl
Be old mentally never physically
For this is my philosophy

Never aging like peter pan
Creative not incompetent
Young never old
It's my philosophy

Live a million times in a minute
Be an astronaut
A zombie killer
Be young and wise
Not old and crippled

My philosophy is profound not proven
Run a a marathon in two seconds
The power of imagination
Makes everything possible
No can't or improbable

Vibrant, young, relentless, and wise
Even at age 89
Your young if you have fun
Dont get old and grumpy
This is my philosophy

Don't hate me for my ideas
Love me for my creativity
Because I know I'll live longer
If you decide to despise me
Your old and fragile
I'm young and agile

My philosophy made me young
I refuse to grow old
My body may age but my spirit will not
My mind is set
We'll never meet our grave, you want to bet
It's my philosophy

I would ask you for a chance
Sure I'm not everything
Most girls want in a man
But I only want to make one thing
My ultimate goal
To make you happy
Finally put the blade down
Sleep for what feels a lifetime
I want to be your lifeline
Maybe I don't deserve you
Maybe I'm being overwhelming
I don't know
So...uhm...can I call you baby?
Can I ask you to give me a chance?
I only want it if you think I deserve it
I really like you
Ask me why, I dare you
I have no reason not too

I wanna tell you I love you
But with the age difference and distance
It's harder than you think
I want to be your knight in shining armor
I want to hold you from dusk to dawn
Watch the sun kiss you good morning
And listen to the lullaby of the moon
Lure you to sleep
I want to be there when you awake
To taste your lips
To feel you closer to me
I want to hear you laugh
When I say good morning in my stupid little way
"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey
Biscuits and sausage gravy
Now WAKE THE **** UP
And enjoy the day"
I want to tell you I love you
I want you to have my heart
I know you will make better use of it
Than I had with it in 17 years
It's easy to smile when I talk to you
I can't describe in any metaphor
Or complex simile how you make me feel
I trust you
I love you
I wish you could understand
How hard it is for me to do that
But I know what I want because of you
I want to make you happy
I want to love you
Like no other person on Earth
Could even begin to imagine
How to love you that much
I'm a little drunk
So before I say your name
I'll end this with three words
I Love You ;)

You have the audacity
To stroll by my house
Thinking your tough ****
Calling out to me that I'm the *****
You already met my fist
Once, twice before
So if you want
I shall reintroduce to you
My fist
Hey *****
And *******
Now that you're acquainted
Get the **** out of my neck of the woods
And learn your place
At the bottom of the dirt on my shoes
I wish you the best of luck
With the disfigurement of your face
But think again before
You want to have a rematch
You should of learned the first and second time
You can't and wont beat me
And please don't get your big brother
Because his 6 foot 209 lbs ***
Will be quickly hospitalized just like the last time
He made the same foolish decision you did
Plus it will just make you look just that much more
Of the pathetic **** faced ***** that you are
So please leave me alone
I really don't have the time
To play these childish games with you
Hey *****...*******
The names of my fist that
Have left their mark on your face

They say I'm not even white
Been in the game all my life
Lost in the ways of drugs, ***, parties, and bullets
Fighting everyday just to survive
Well I'm not in the hood
I'm on the streets of a town
Known only as Slaughter
A state of its own
Streets paved with the bones of youth
Plants getting no water
Only ever rains blood
As you hear "Just the youth going wild" instead of sirens
It's no longer steel doors slamming
It's guillotine bullets chopping of hearts
As they speed through the chest of a son or daughter
A soul that fell victim to the game
Another person never mourned in the hood

On the wall
A dark shadow
Pulsating
Something falling
From your ghostly silhouette
There what is that shape
I have never thought
Something could look so disgusting
Something could be this broken
Yet there on the wall
Light shining upon you
Just a silhouette remains
What are you
Are you alive
Are you dying
Have you gotten drunk off love
Have you sniffed the powdered lines
Of passionate poison romance
Knives in and out repeatedly being stabbed
Needles to sow the gabbing wholes
Making room for the new ones
Oh ****
You're a heart
A silhouette heart
Is this all that is left of you
No actual body
No existence
**** it you're my heart

With this life
With this sorrow
With this anger
With this hatred
With this self-pity
Im done with it all

I dont want to live anymore
Nothing left to see
My aching bones
Rusty and crumbling now
Cant your god just let me die
And fade into the background of a fleeting memory

Im done with it all
Tired of trying to please
All these arrogant people
Who continue to think
They know anything about me
But they only know my name

Im done with it all
Trying to acccomplish something
Thats better off as a dream
But whats the point of giving up now
When Im so close to obtaining it
**** it Im done for the last time

You pushed and pushed
I was the one who fell
You werent the one
Trying to face their fears
Standing alone in the middle of a road
Wondering which direction to go

Im done with it all
Sick and tired of waking from nightmares
Wondering if everytime I wake
If its all just a never ending dream
Trying to find something to believe in
Only finding a finger given by the heavens

Im done with it all
Trying to find a place to call home
Only finding an empty house
With people souless and uncaring
Quick to turn thier back
Not even trying to embrace a son

Do you hear me world
Im done trying to please you
Trying to find my place
So Im going to dig my grave
And watch you beg me
Not to end all of this

Watch me now world
Take this dusty 45
And this rusty blade
Curl up at the bottom of a bottle
And live free one last time
Before I bleed this life out

Do you feel like
You would be better off without me
Im done asking unaswerable questions
You wouldnt tell me
Even if you had the answer
So I will say goodnight and goodbye

I wont miss it at all
Hear me now
Under the ringing off a 45
Im done straining my voice
Going horse from over worked muscles
One last time I will say IM DONE!!!!

You shot me with an arrow
It hurt like hell
But no amount of pain
Could even come close in comparison
With the pain I would feel
For the next several months
As the wound from your arrow
Never could heal

The woman I fell for
After your arrow shot me in my chest
Couldn't reciprocate those emotions
And you wasted your last arrow on me
Cupid, you cruel *******
Why did you make me suffer?
Why did you shoot me with that arrow?

You see I wrote her
A total of 46 poems
Almost 100 love letters
Sent her 38 Valentines cards
And it wasn't even Valentines day
It was the middle of June

Cupid, you cruel *******
You put me through 8 months
Of pure undesirable hell
And every night
I contemplated your ******
But then something happened

I fell out of love with her
And fell in love with somebody else
I don't write to her as much
I haven't wrote her a single love letter
And the reason being
She doesn't love me anymore

Cupid, you cruel *******
I have cracks in the cracks of my heart
I have flaws in the way it beats
I hate you and what you symbolize
I hope you rot where I put you

See I realized this thanks to you
That I'm better off alone
No one to love
And no one to love me
Its better for me and other people
If they don't grasp my heart again

on her wrist they lie
even on her thighs
razorblade scars
the scars that i made

i suffocated her burdens
i drowned her screams
i relieved her pain
but the price was her heart

razorblade scars
now dress her dollish figure
threatening to extinguish
the embers of her life

i dried her tears
i conquered her fears
i sheltered her from the rain
but the price was her soul

razorblade scars
still bleeding her out
her viens will run cold
for all i did was hurt her more

i crushed her dreams
i obliterated her walls
i stitched her wounds
just to make more

razorblade scars
now dress her lifeless body
as two on her wrist
sill bleed out her sorrow

i would take it all back
i would give it all back
just to see her smile once more
but the razorblade scars keep that from me

Hands tied to headboards
*** up face blindfolded
She likes it rough
Even as my hand collides with each cheek
She likes the way both holes
Get ravaged by the hungry force
My animalistic instincts produce
She likes it rough
Being thrown from her knees to her back
Hair pulled as my hands grasp more
She gasping even harder
Moans coming out in squeals
She didn't know it was this fun
Filling her with the decadence of life
Not knowing which hole it feels better in
She likes it rough
She only wants to be my *** slave
For every one of my lives
She knows my heart is empty
That's way she loves me
Her moans for more echo
So we both know how good it is

This bathtub heart
Filled from years of filthy emotions
Finally drained when a poem
Pulled the plug
Now I'm emotionally drained
From loving and hating
Always ****** at the world
For dealing me ******* hands
I'm going on vacation
I look forward to reading your works

My dear eternal goddess
I envy your passion of life
I wish I could be at your side
In the night hours of moonlight
I wish I could kiss your lips
Of rose pedal tender ecstasy
I wish I could hold you in my arms
Of Superman steel safety
I want you to know
You are my existence
Without I am nothing
The remnants of my world
Belong to you
I have nothing to offer you
That is even worth your time
But I offer you my love
My world of ashen ghost shadows
My heart of fragile fragments
I wish I could offer you more
But as you can see
Adreishka, You Are My Existence
I love you
Translate that into every language
The meaning is still the same

Are these the answers
That I didn't want
That I didn't need
Are these the answers
That could save my sanity

Are these the answers
That I searched high and low
That I gave up on
Are these the answers
To questions long ago asked

All I know is
That these answers
I knew I would find
Whether I looked for them or not
Now that I got them I'm even more lost

I can't forgive her
I can't love her
I hate her with everything I have
Now I have more questions
And the answers I'm not ready for

I told her to answer one question
The answer determined
Whether I could forgive her or not
But all she did was remain silent
Refusing to answer

Are these the answers
To questions not yet asked
That I refuse to ask
Are these the answers
That could fix my heart

Are these the answers
To questions I needed to ask
To questions I knew would hurt
Are these the answers
To questions asked for decades

All I need her to know
Is that when I needed her
She wasn't there
So now I don't need her
Nor will I ever need her

She's just an image
A target for my anger
The cause for my hatred
She's the reason I'm scared to let you in
She's the reason my walls are up

Are these the answers
To the questions you ask
To the questions you wanted answered
Are these the answers
That could bring us longer

The new motto for our generation
Puff Puff pass
So if you decide to keep
The beloved joint I just rolled
Prepare to get your *** kicked
It's not the addiction of marijuana
That keeps the freshly rolled joint
In between my lips
It's the fact that I can ******* do it
One puff Two puff
Here you go
I'll share with you
Because I don't care about anything
I'm getting high
So maybe when it wears off
I'll crash from the height
Skydive with no parachute
And kiss the ground just before I die
One puff Two puff
The reason the joint is here
Is because I want to be like my mother
Pops always said "You're just like your mother"
Lucky it isn't a needle

It beeps and beeps
Letting me know I'm still alive
Heart pounding strong
Walking up hills and down valleys
Straight lines every now and again
I wonder if you can hear me
The silence of my tongue
Pulsating on the heart monitor
Trying to reassure you that I'll pull through
Beep...beep....beep
Its kind of funny
Robotics copying the sound of my heart
A hollow frame of metallic plating
With scared thoughts hiding on every pulse
I wonder what would happen
If I awoke from this vegetated state
And hugged you
If my brain would function again
And form a three word phrase
But the way the heart monitor is
Shows how slow my heart beats
Shows the seconds I no longer have with you
One more beep
I'll keep it going
Hoping to see your face once more
Hoping I can see joy fall from your eyes
I can't keep going
I hear you reading poems
Talking to both our parents
Trying to find peace as your world fades
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger
To keep myself alive longer
Maybe I can tell you I love you
With the way this heart monitor beats
Let me die, let it beat thrice, let you know
I'll be by your side
Even if there is no afterlife
But dying with your hand in mine
Is a better way then how the paramedics found me

She simply stated the following
"I'm sorry if this causes pain to anyone.
I'm sorry for every tear you will shed,
But the one thing I can't be sorry for
Is taking my pain away
Even if the price was my life."

This is what the world has come to be
Girls getting criticized in school
For the number of guys she entrusted her heart to
The rumors of her being a girl who sold herself
Yet all she wanted was to be loved
Her father left her at age 6
Her mother abused her day in and day out
She had bruises she tried hiding with every form of blush, eyeliner, and lipstick
She cried tears of velvet red color just to sleep
She fell victim to Loves dangerous game several times
And nobody cared once to listen to her story

He simply wrote the following
"I freaking hate all of you.
I hope you join me in the pits of eternal flames
The very ones you condemned me to
Just for being...Me.
None of you can understand my reasons for this.
One simply being
The spine chilling, dead empty silence of a million cries for help
That everyone refused to listen too."

This kid was 17 years old
He had a child on the way
But he didn't even know
He spent every night
Trying to find Misses Right
In the silken *** stained sheets
Of his King sized bed
He was a straight A student
With several colleges looking at him
But that was what was seen
From the orbiting satellite's of his peers
Deep down to the belly of the beast
Was a child, no older than 3
Trying to wake his mother and father
Killed by a homicidal maniac in a tire screeching drive-by
And he faced that memory every time he closed his eyes
He watched as the pain got worse
He watched in his blood riddled dreams
As his parents took their last breath
As their last thought flashed in subtitle text
"Please let him be safe"

They weren't victims to the sin called ******
They were victims to a society
Based on destroying people
And eroding the walls they built for their happiness
We hear their screams
But do we ever care to listen
What if that was your little sister
Or your brother calling for help
Calling out to be saved from the currents of the Misery Ocean
Calling out from the cold still darkness of the basement
To keep that hair trigger 45 from unloading the single bullet they put in the chamber
Or keep the chair they placed under their feet
To get the height they needed to reach the noose under their feet
And during their whole funeral
You're going to beat yourself up
Asking yourself "Where was I?"
"How come I didn't hear their cries?"
Then when the pain becomes to unbearable
From not understanding how your god
Could be so cruel and take their life
When they meant the world to you
Could take their life away so quick

They apparently meant nothing to anybody
Because I'm the only one at their funeral
Their both being buried today
In this old decomposing cemetery
I'm the only one bothering to shed a tear
When I have no tears to shed
The reason for the suicide note
Is self-evident and right before your eye

Sure this is not going to be a speech
I'm not Abraham Lincoln
I'm not using ancient
Out of date vocabulary
But I just want to say
I'm free once you sign
Here on the dotted line

You bow to only one master
You're heavenless edge
Knows only blood and strife
You ravage wrinkled villages
Execute orphans that witnessed pained
You modern samurai
When does your blood lust end
When does leaving scars
Stop turning into ******
Another swing
Another wrist torn open
Another slash
Another **** on hips meant to hypnotize
Our youth can't survive 
Your homicidal tendencies
They only want to be shown love
Yet you tempt them with teeth bore
Stealing midnight kisses 
In shadows of their tears
Awakening only more fears
You modern samurai
Lay down your sword
It'll only bring you more pain
No need for armor
Lend me your burdens
Bury your worries 
Sheath your past
Walk into a future
One designed by your own hand
No need for acts of seppuku
This world holds too many sorrows
Hiding from this life
You'll never be able to face death
You modern Samurai
Hold steady your ways of honor and courage
But fight no more
Grow old and wise
Teach the young the way
Of a swordless Samurai

I was never one for diaries
Just the average kid trying to survive
Even though I really didn't want to
My names Porsche
I'm 17 and I guess it's time I told my story

My dad is an abusive drug dealing alcoholic
Surprised he hasn't got shot on the streets
My brother is a crack head
He decides to beat me behind everybody's back
I used to get locked in closets for hours on end
Mom would always take me out and clean me up
Just before the drunk got home

I used to be fat and staid to myself
I didn't have friends growing up
I was fine with it
That's how I wanted it
Girls at school would pick on me
They'd call me fat and ugly
Just like my parents would do

I tried shrinks and counselors
They diagnosed me as PTSD
Pills started becoming my best friends
I didn't want to be apart of reality
After all reality was me never being happy
Being beaten for being me
Having emotions was almost illegal

My parents divorced
Wish I could of divorced this life
But I was told I was beautiful
Something I never heard before
And *** became the way I thought showed love
Another thing I was never apart of

Kids starting calling me "Whorsche"
When they did I just pulled down my sleeves
So they didn't see the scars they were leaving
Mom said it was a release
So I figured I would try it
Suicide was always an option
Just to opt out of another painful session of life

I tried having friends
But they were just sell outs
They told everybody my darkest secrets
The very ones I didn't want to be told
I guess it's my own stupid fault
Trying always leads to failure

I soon found other drugs in my life
Freshman year I was the sick looking kid
Pale skin with a corpse smile barely glued together
Sophomore year the pill popping stopped
I got kicked out of my dads
I told him I was pansexual
He thought I meant lesbian
So when I tried explaining it
He grabbed me by my neck
Which he caused some permanent nerve damage
I punched him
It was a great feeling

I moved into my moms
Not much better
But I'm not getting physically abused
Verbally isn't much better
I guess I'd still prefer the belt
The drugs are stopping
The cutting stopped
9 months cut free

I'm finally moving on with my life
I have some great friends
Even though I still want to cut
I made a promise to another girl
Who was also cutting that we would stop together
Thanks to all of that
I'm no longer the emo *****
Or even the pill popping *****
I'm just Porsch
Completely without the "e"
I finally learned how to smile
Guess not all stories in this diary end

My talents as a poet
As a master of my sanity
Have began to fade away
My freedom to write
Moving powerful emotional pieces
Has deteriorated before my eyes
I've calmed the monster
To ease my grandmothers fears
Of losing her only successful grandchild
I've silenced the voices
To ease my deceased great grandmothers worry
That I'll join her in the heavens of my fathers memories
I've noticed I'm now nothing
Just the average joe
Watching Netflix and eating popcorn
Listening to music dreaming of being something
I've noticed
You read my work
Watched me perform
Understood the hatred I feel
Felt the pain I've endured so long
Grasped the love I once expressed
Yet now you're only looking for those things again
Looking for the long poems I once enjoyed writing
The ones that erupted with passion
For all things I thought of
Five minute poems
One night stands with lines
****** paper with pen
As I forced it to swallow the inky ***
I've always wanted to write my last and final poem
To finally be free of my insanity
And embrace the story of peace and solitude
But in this world those are just mirages
Boiling from the hallucination of my desert mind
I've noticed
I truly am just Robert Guerrero
The guy who dreamed impossible dreams
Only because his talent dried up

All I have ever been to you
Is the person that made you smile
Made you laugh when you were down
I could mold you into so many shapes
Paint you in so many colors
Yet I remained a jester in your empire
I was always afraid of being beheaded
Or exiled from this land
Of golden roads paved smoothly
Castle walls built higher than mountains
Where tears haven't once left their mark
This land has never seen war
Not one conflict has come to light
Yet my love for you
Always keeps me personally close
To always hear you when you call
I'm a jester in your empire
The only one I think
So why haven't you beheaded me
Or exiled me from this place
That is your heart
When I have caused a million problems
Brought a thousand undesired tears
Yet I remain your jester
I was once your King
And you were once my Queen
I built these castle walls
I paved these roads
I made this empire from the broken pieces of nothing
You left me when I made our love
Seem almost like a fairytale
And you got scared and made me your jester
Stripped me of my crown
Replaced it with a foule-bordeau
I hope your happy now
Maybe this is where I belong
Just wish I could sleep in that bed with you
Listen to our favorite song
And I could make you smile and laugh
All night long and well into the early hours of tomorrow
Yet I know my place as a jester in your empire

Life is like a puzzle
Scattered all over the floor
Tossed aside and dumped on
No puzzle piece falls the same way
Like snowflakes are never the same
Every puzzle just a little easier
When you understand the picture
Trying to be portrayed
But what if it was just a blank puzzle
Each piece painted after it was put together
My life puzzle isn't complex
Just not sure where the pieces go
Mother abandonment issues
Father hardly even one
Family quick to disown
Friends committing suicide
Everybody leaving me in different ways
**** what piece is next to be placed
Guess the puzzling chaptered pieces
Just fall the way they want to

Shall I take my life away
Strip the essence of disgust
From a beautiful aroma of life
Shall I envy no longer
The tears that seem foreign
To vacant hollow depths
Soulless windowpanes that echo
The pain of a thousand voices
Yet I seem to struggle
With these tornado winds
Ripping through my heart
Desecrating the holy lands
That once flourished with Love and Innocence
Now Godforsaken
Shot down in the middle of night
Crashing burning into hallowed grounds
Aerial assault bombarding
Leaving ruins and corpses
Thirsty for the spillage of my blood
Carving rivers into my wrist
Breaking dams in my veins
Letting the ****** tsunami rage
Drowning myself in its depth
Godforsaken
Now I shall die
Simply because I'm pathetic
Always thinking I can save the world
With six lines or outstretched arms
All I'm doing is setting it up
For its inevitable failure

Decadent milk chocolate at my bedside
One morning as I wake up
Cast into the stone age
One night as I fall asleep
I bid you all farewell
This is sadly goodbye
I can't say I'm proud to be leaving
But I have hopefully left my mark
I wish you all  the best in your writings
Maybe I did something right with over 300 poems
Maybe I went wrong when I was forced to say goodbye
Yes...this sadly is...goodbye
I'll be back one day...hopefully

I hate you!
Everything about you
Reeks with the scent of stupidity
You're a disgusting figure
Hopeless and pathetic
I'd carve valleys into your wrist
Awaken the streams coursing
Just beneath your flesh
You're a discrimination
An utter abomination
Skeletons look better than you
Rotting corpses taste sweeter than your name
I's complicated to describe you
I hate you
You ******* *******
Go ******* **** yourself
I can't sum it up enough
How much I hate you
Even if you are my reflection

Fat
Ugly
*******
Psychopathic
Demonic
Tormented
Angry
Hateful
Di­ck
*******
*****
*****
Insane
Emo
*****
****-for-brains
The list goes on
But I want to get to the point
The worse thing I've ever been called
Is your son
I don't look nothing like you
I have none of your traits
Your blood no longer runs through my veins
Your blood ran out
With the ***** I took
You belong in sewers
In rotting graves
On the vacated porches
Of hidden houses
Deep in the forests of emptiness
Just for the soul purpose of being lost
The same feeling I felt when I was able to comprehend
Exactly how pained I have became
Due to your abandonment

Nightmares everyday
Lined with hands reach for my throat
Shady smiles trustworthy at the least
Cerulean eyes turned ruby eyes
Corrupted with the loss of blood
From scars gaping
Black hole hearts wanting my insanity
Why can't I be sane?
Don't I deserve that?
No I don't
Because what doesn't **** you
Makes you stronger
What a load of cliche
I can't be sane
I wouldn't be me
Mystery Girl said it herself
Honestly I don't like being me
Does Walmart, Office Depot, the Mall
Sell lives at a low price?

whispering...
                  calling...
Reaching out for me
What am I to do
Arms of death gripped corpses
Attaching themselves to every limb
Trying to drag me
To the darkest pits of the unknown

whispering...
                  calling...
Pulling on my flesh
Tearing me to pieces
As I try to reject the conclusion
That these hollow point glares
Are drilling into my body
But the pain is numbed

whispering...
                  calling...
I don't want to reply
For if I do I accept defeat
And let this cancerous nuisance
Plunge me into my own insanity
Of cannibalistic voices
Crawling on the walls like shadow phantoms

whispering...
                  calling...
I'm dead
No point in denying it
I'm a nobody
Who will remember me
These joker grins around me
Knew my fate long before I did
Because they were pushing me off
The edge of life's lonely cliff
Into swarming piranha infested darkness

We wish you a happy birthday
We wish you a happy birthday
I love you Adreishka
Now blow out the candles
Make a wish
One day it will come true
I'm glad you chose me
As your beloved
Now allow me to wish you
One hell of a birthday
Today is your day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
WE ALL WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TI AMO CON TUTTO IL MIO CUORE
Now **** today
Let the world know
Your 16 today

To love with no end result
To live in pain
And wither in silence
It's impossible

This mask I wear
Has become the face
The world has come to know
And still all I see
Is the worlds back

It's impossible
To just walk away
From the anger and the hatred
To just continue to say
I love you without you knowing how much

To breathe these toxic fumes
That the world calls air
It's plagued with screams
For freedom and peace
That will never exist again

It's impossible
To smile and laugh
When there's nothing to be happy for
All I do is past the time
Sit in silent shadows and wait for death

It's impossible
To continue listening to these screams
To continue fighting myself
To just gain my sanity
When I'm growing weaker

It's impossible
To continue not letting you in
To watch your tears fall
But there's nothing I can do
I'm just as lost, broken, and alone

It's impossible
To be happyWhen your not smiling
To celebrate life
When life has been cruel

They say I haven't lived
So I can't say
I hate this world
But I've seen enough of it
And I can say I hate it so far

It's impossible
For you to understand me
When I told you so little
For me to continue on this road
Of my own self-destruction

It's impossible
To be loved
When all I do is stress, rage, and hate
To love you anymore
Than what I have offered

I'm goin to die alone
I'm already living alone
So what's the point
Of saying I love you
If it's impossible to continue living

I've been beaten, shattered, left, and forgotten
I still got up
Because I had you to fight for
But now I say
It's impossible to fight any more

I still love you
But I'm growing weaker
I felt the change come
But I still remain the same
And everything is still impossible

I'm done with life,
With love, with wisdom,
With respect, with poetry,
With art, and finally with myself
Because all I do is curse myself

It's impossible
To say I'm done
When I just got started
To say I can't
When the will is still there

I'll fight for you
I'll be there for you
I'll never back down
Till my arms can
Caress your body

It's impossible
Not to love you
To just remain silent
When your tears crash
Instantly destroying me

It's impossible
Not yo want to hold you
And give you a place
Where your tears can freely fall
To just never be there when you call

Dead



You cold hearted drug addicted *****
You left the only child that really needed you
I was 13 months old
You tried to weasel your way back in
But your lies gave you away
The scent of garbage
Decaying truth smells worse than death
Mother don't ever expect me to forgive you
Forgiveness is for those who offer mercy
I'm a cut throat psychopathic enraged demon
Only wanting to offer you the worst nightmares
And this mother is what I think of you
Hope you enjoy the thoughts of your "son"

Life seemed good
Sitting on the beach
Watching the Sun
Commit suicide
By plummeting deep
Into the waves
Tempting Night
To replace its beauty

I remain on the beach
Look at my watch
It's now 10:30
My mom probably read my note
I haven't heard the sirens
So she must not care
I mean hell
When does my broken family ever care

When they are too busy at work
When they yell at me
For not washing a **** spoon
Or take the credit for my accomplishments
When do I get to be happy
When do I get to stop cutting
Or contemplating what I plan on doing tonight
At this peaceful, calm beach

I'm broken
My reflection in the mirror
Can see all my cracks
And missing pieces
So why can't the rest of the world
Is it the mask I'm tired of wearing
Or the role I play as some happy kid

**** I wish there was somebody
Somebody with me
On this peaceful, calm beach
To glue the pieces missing for so long
Back into place
Hold my hand and tell me
That they ******* care
But it wont happen because I came alone

Brought with me a 45
Two bullets just in case
4 bottles of whiskey
And a knife to help speed things up
Because here on this beach
So dark, peaceful, calm, and lonely
I plan to end it
With happiness obtained with my last breath

See when you come from
A ******* broken home
You don't care for life
You don't care fro anything
And everything is a permanent problem
Even you living under there house
And eating so little or too much
Because their the reason for all the depression

You try your best
To please everyone around you
Hoping your happiness
Will make it easier for you
But instead you give them a reason
Just to push you around even more
So you take that little blade
And slide it across your wrist

You bleed your pain out
Your tired of the cruel words
The even crueler people
Who don't give two ***** about you
So do what I'm doing tonight
Go to the most beautiful place
You have ever been
And take your life away

I know I corrupt everything with my darkness
I corrupt the beauty within life
I'm broken
I break everything I touch
So tonight here on this beach
I take my last breath
And slowly begin
To make this place my grave

Broken, Broken, Broken
Everything around me so badly broken
The still water
Can't even capture my reflection
Because parts of me
Drop endlessly into it
From the places I tried
To patch and keep in place

So **** this life
**** the next one
I just wanted to be happy
So as I finish off the third bottle
I'll tear into my wrist
With the freshly sharpened blade
Load the 45 preparing for the end
Because it's only 11:12

By the end of the night
My wrist will stop bleeding
My blood will mix
With the salty sand and water
Making me one with this beach
Because I don't care for life
Here on this land
The Sea has always been my home

See a broken feeling
Not only comes from a broken home
It comes from
The many woman
You offer your heart too
Hoping it's an elegant enough gift
So you can at least
Be given a chance

But as the numbers rack up
The cracks get deeper
And start connecting
Pieces start falling
And that heart
You once had
Becomes almost nothing
Then nothing at all

See I'm even more broken
Because of her
She said she loved me
She got my hopes up
I thought she was perfect
And maybe that's where it went wrong
I put her on a pedal-stool
But I tried to just make her happy

I didn't need big words
Like a dictionary
Or deep lines
Like an old woman's wrinkles
To tell her or show her
That I ******* loved her
That I was loyal to her
But she broke a broken man even further

Maybe I wasn't enough
Maybe I'll never be enough
So **** it
I'm 5 o'clock drunk at 11:51
It's almost time for me to go
So I'll write another suicide note
Further up the shore
So the tide doesn't wash it away

So how should I write this
Like a regular note
Or make it like a business letter
I guess it doesn't matter
I'm leaving this place
Because I'm tired of being used
And tired of being broken
I already know you're not going to miss me

So maybe one last swig
One more cut
Just to bleed a little faster
It's 11:59 at night
Almost 12 like I wanted
The moon is high
And so is the tide
So I guess it's time to say goodbye

I took too much time
Wasted enough of it
All for what
A bullet to the brain
Yeah I guess I have
******* world
Hope you read and remember my poetry
Learn the kind of guy I wa.....

Ole Faithful playing her tune
My fingers running through the strands
Of her long steel hair
Lullabies echo out of her belly
My left hand tight around her neck
Choking her neck
Music still plays
This horror film rhythm flows
Memories of the origins play back
Like a broken record stuck on a note
I'm choking Ole Faithful
Dust fills her lungs
Yet she still sings so beautifully
Why can't her melody die
Am I not squeezing hard enough
Her steel woven strings
Cutting deep into my fingertips
I'm the one bleeding
She's the one singing
**** it die already
Your lullaby haunts my nightmares
Like your mothers tears
Choking the neck of my guitar
Wanting nothing more
Than to forget why I started playing
This lullaby of forgotten memories
Serenade symphonies of pure hell now
This old guitar just won't die
I can't **** it
But its killing me
Every second I'm dreaming
Remembering the reason
I started choking it in the first place

I'm not digging my grave
I'm just going to hang from this tree
Bleeding from my wrist
Drunk off the freshly opened bottle of Jack Daniels
My grave is in total opposite
I'm six feet above the ground
In this shallow grave
Nobody even knows I'm here
They're all probably thinking it's a hoax
Well I'm no UFO
Or Bigfoot sighting
I'm a 17 year old
Hanging from the neck
Of my favorite old oak
I think it's over 100 years old
I left a note
I wonder if they found me yet
I told them I was dead already
Nobody ever believes me
Maybe now they will
When they see what I carved into my wrist

Your body screaming out in pain
The malevolent flame in your eyes
The decadence you taste
The death you reek of
You're petrified in malice
The god of your own demise
I hope you're happy now
Knowing you ruined a life
You never knew was worth living

Mother why
Father why
Why do you turn your backs to me
Why can't you look me in the eyes
So much distance in this family
Mother, Father
Why have you abandoned me
Was I not a good enough son
Have I not tried hard enough
To show you I want to make you proud
This pressure is too much
Causing so much distance
All in an instance
You refuse to acknowledge my pain
You refuse to grasp the concept
That I am killing myself
That I am drowning in depression
And Mother, Father
I can't take it anymore
I am sorry
But this **** has to end
So much distance
All in an instance
So quick to deny me
The luxury of my youth
Have I not exceeded the others
I can't be the only one
To prove to you
You have not failed us
I can't take the yelling
I can't take the fighting
I can't take the constant cutting
I have scars from the years
Of trying to survive
But I am 17 now
And I am making this decision
To solve the problem
With a permanent solution
I have become so depressed
I have become so horse
From years of trying to make you hear me
I just want to be acknowledged as your son
Not your ******* slave
Mother, Father just shut the **** up
And listen to me for the first time
Go ahead and say your favorite line
"When are you going to listen to us?"
Maybe when you listen to me for a change
I am still ******* human
No matter how much I wish I wasn't
I feel dead inside because of you
So much distance
And it happened all in an instance
I can't take the separation anymore
Father, your always gone
You barely saw me grow up
Everything I learned as a man
Was by my own doing
Or by another man that took me under his wing
Mother, you always ***** at me
Even for the simplest things
I have watched as you changed
And you can't cope with the fact
That I hate you for it
That I have become a man
That I have decided to leave
So much distance
No one hears my calls for help
Even with a megaphone to my lips
Even with it posted all over the internet
I can't seem to find comfort
I have nothing left
All because you never gave me anything
Worth actually caring for
I didnt need the material things
I needed your love and compassion
Something neither could obviously give
And it caused so much distance
I have no relationship with either of you
So I bid you both farewell
I can't take this
I need a home
Not a place to sleep
I need a sanctuary
A place of peace and solace
Something you obviously cannot give
You both are unhappy
Causing me to be even more miserable
You cannot help me with my depression
You can't offer me anything but materials
And I don't want them
I want a Mother and Father
That can try to understand me
But I won't receive that in this life
So I am leaving
Due to so much distance
In this family
I hope you get to read this
Even if it is after
I scatter my brains all over the wall
Or get emancipated and move far away from you

Why did you come?
I enjoy the waking up at 10
I enjoy the relief from school
But why did you have to come
And take away my friends
The very few that I have
You brought me a job
Money in my pocket
Well needed for the ***** and drugs
For my Saturday night Fiestas
Also for my funds to go and see my beloved fiance one day
Summer
I hate you
Yet I love you all the same
I need some sleep
A hell of a lot more sleep