You didn't know what to say anymore.
So you didn't.
You picked up your guitar
and you played for me some more.
You sang for me
songs we'd danced to before.
And it hurt but I smiled
and listened to you.
You played all my favorite songs
that were all your favorites too.
I watched you
you, with your eyes closed shut.
The petals fell from the sunflowers
and your room got dark and cold.
You sang songs you'd written in rehab
that you swore weren't written for other girls
but when you sang them
your eyes got still
and I could swear you were remembering someone.
That was our last night together.
And I didn't know it at the time,
but that was the last music I would hear.


*s.mndi

to ******* is to know you in some intimate way
and take that private part of you with me
to mess you up from the inside out
the way you tore up my love nook
swearing you loved me all the way
with each heartless pounding grind of your
badgering ram rod you stupid Tom ****
you gave yourself away
and now we play the fuckery game.

If I had everything I wanted,
I'd be rich.
If I had everything I needed,
I'd be free.

For Tina.

I feel it now.
It started as a recognition
Deep in the gut;  

A conquistador caught and
Sacrificed by liquid gold -greed-
Poured into ungagged mouth.

Scolding Hell's Pain *forced inside,
To guild everything unguildable until all
That was left was water and gold.

Improvement, for short.
I try to stretch my arms across the
Bed, from my side to what is

Undeniably still yours.
It is too wide a sky. Too wide to cross,
By foot and healing heart.

I can feel
her absence,
like swallowing
a cold
knife. 

The blade 
slices slowly,
deeper
with each
heartbeat.  
Tasting 
sorrow
like copper. 

A cold
steel shard
that rests
against
my heart. 

But will it cut?
Can you still bleed?
Do you love?

School girl crushes never fade,
As fast as the flavor of bubble gum.
Yet both bubbles burst just as suddenly.
One disappointed and sticky,
The other broken and sad.
Imagine my delight when I found you. Fairy tales and fantasy have faded into lost hope by now.
Age has escaped the time of youth. How could you possibly not ever be mine?
My body aches,
Tells me it wants you inside.
Crushes are for school girls I tell it. hush
please my thoughts of you,
Always come intertwined with doubt.
words dare not part my lips correctly,
So I settle for laughter shared.
I can't help but think...
School girl crushes never fade,
As fast as the flavor of bubble gum.

Hard we cry, but strive
Inside we die, but strive
Get ready for a bye, but strive
to live better, to dream better
Yet
to hurt better, to scream better