After all this time, you make my heart soar.
I try to tell myself it means nothing,
but somehow,
it means everything.

All I want to do,
is hold you and tell you it will all work out for the best.
But it doesn't does it?
Instead of being in love,
we are here.
Staring at one another,
lost and drowning in too many wrong words.
Spit it out, spit them all out I say.
I'd rather too many wrong words,
than not enough right ones.

He was lying next to me, with his hand upon my cheek
I was locked inside my head, thoughts stuck on you.
It was never quite fair to him, I was never quite there with him
Sabotaged before he ever had a chance.

I play it back inside my head, remember everything you said.
The cruel words that made us come crashing down.
The flashing on my phone, how I felt so alone, crying thinking you were still the one.

Maybe I exaggerate, maybe I stretch the truth,
but I never thought there'd be an end to me and you.
I didn't scream or cry or beg, I locked myself away with painful memories..  

And yet here we are, months away from the past.
Why can I still feel your lips on my shoulder, still hear your voice saying "baby, please come closer."
Replaying your apologies over the endless nights of broken sleep.
Why is it still always you?

It's really not fair to him, I still can't bare to be with him.
I hate myself for wishing you'd come back and he'd turn into you.
His brown eyes never stood a chance when all I see are your green seas.
I used to drown in you for miles, and now all I'm drowning in is myself.
Oh darling, I wish you'd come back because I'm still stuck on you.

I am terrified to ask for what I want most.

For what if you were to reject me-

or worse-

accept me?

Here's a little poem that I wrote for you
When I was feeling a little less sad.
It was supposed to remind me,
Of how much I am loved,
And how much I love you.
Instead all it does is create this deep ache
A longing inside of me
For a past that the future cannot remake.

Deep beneath this liquid dream, all there lies is you and me
In your warmth, no pain reaches me
In the sunshine of your smile, no laughter escapes me
The heat relaxes me, making me safe and warm
Like silk and velvet, sliding together, we are one
Bubbles surrounding, water encompassing
If only you my dear were here to enjoy it with me, then maybe the pain would truly be gone
I wouldn't have to force myself to the bottom of this porcelain jail and hold my breath and count to ten
Instantly I would be whole again.

There is a crushing vulnerability, weighing on my lungs.
My youth is obvious in my words, my idealistic views, my poetry.
I write and hope and dream and wish for a one day, that's far away, better than this.
School drawing to a close, days rushing by my ears, I lose touch with all I feel.
I devour as much knowledge as I can; letting sentences sink into my skin, over-analyzing everything.
Craving the touch of those I love, friends and lovers alike.
The future claws it's way into my eyes, daring me to be brave.
My arms span above me, like wings, stretching, wishing for a break.
I write essay after essay; each devoid of my aspiring voice..
I'm taking on the world, one step at a time, desiring to make it my own.
As I rotate on this ginormous blue sphere, my youth begins to show.
It surrounds me, a soft warm glow; reality cannot touch me.
I am a youthberry, bursting with joy.