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257 · May 2015
A broken heart
Renae May 2015
A broken heart is
Impossible
To put back together
the pieces wont fit
Once it has been
Shattered
257 · May 2014
Solutions
Renae May 2014
Lazy eyes in boredom glaze
clicking endlessly on the panel
Nothing new to steady the page
Always searching
Changing the channel
Scrolling Surfing
Is there no end?
A run or perhaps a walk?
Tea with a friend?
Hike a trail with a beautiful view
A fresh breeze for your senses
It's sure to make you feel brand new
Tear down those fences
Don't end the list there
There's more to do
A picnic in the park
There's something new
Float down the river
Swim in a lake
Just get off the couch
For heavens sake!
256 · Jan 2017
Almighty
Renae Jan 2017
Who is the ancient of days
From before time
He made the giant sea swim with monsters
He caused the sun and moon to shine

Can you tell me?

I am searching because I know Him
From a book He wrote, that speaks
of science before scientists!
An incredible book that speaks of future events!

A book that is alive & sharper
than any two edged sword
This is a book
that tells of honest reward

A guide I use that helps me live
A clean life free of guilt and shame
The only book that's ever been accurate

Jehovah is the author's name
He is God Almighty
I search for Him through Jesus name
And somehow I know He finds me
254 · Dec 2017
Just so you know
Renae Dec 2017
Just so you know
I do not want to save you
In fact I can not.

You and I,
We can only save ourselves.
254 · Jul 2016
Empty
Renae Jul 2016
Poured out

Open hands
With closed
eyes cannot see

While taking
Never giving
Resources deplete
254 · Sep 2014
Life as we know it
Renae Sep 2014
Everything tends to end one day
In this all too temporary life

We suffer loss too often
Bringing leather skin to our bones
Shedding imperfections in silent rooms
Mourning lives in private

We arrive into this life alone
Only to build on relationships
Then we break when they break
Learning to persevere and grow

Never giving up
Vowing to never give in
We push ahead against the wind
Continuously fighting
Always enduring.....

Until the end
When we lay alone
Close our eyes in a lasting sleep
Some without hope of anything
253 · Jan 2018
Curiosity
Renae Jan 2018
They say
Curiosity killed the cat
But who are they anyways?
They
sure do say
A lot of things ...
I have been oh so curious
And I am still alive...
While I am neither cat nor
animal of any kind
I find that being curious
Is the only way to actually live...
For how can you discover
Anything
Without curiosity?
249 · Jul 2014
My dilemma
Renae Jul 2014
If I had sheltered you
You might be everything
my parents ever wished of me
Then again
you might have turned into me
249 · Sep 2015
Justice
Renae Sep 2015
C'mon Justice
Don't take your time
Like yesterday never happened
Too much time goes by
Oh Justice
How can we recall
Until it doesn't matter anymore
C'mon Justice
You saw it all
243 · Oct 2014
LOVE
Renae Oct 2014
How do we get it back
Once a moment has passed
Is it gone for always
Because we misunderstood
Do we keep on working at it
Or do we leave it alone
We should keep working
Because that is true LOVE
242 · Feb 2017
The best
Renae Feb 2017
My heart speeds up
When we meet
I never smiled so bright
Like when I read your thoughts
She said
It made her sickly
How happy you made me
Ear to ear smiling
I sat waiting
Listening,
Learning you
I said
That was the best
242 · Jan 2018
Gold
Renae Jan 2018
Alone
a solemn
residing place

Lost in vast distracting
thoughts analyzing
Misplaced
Mistaken
Trying to stand

Along comes
True
Someone like you
Cemented

I long to grab hold
Smothering bodies
becoming
part of
your mold

Joined together
Painted in gold
240 · Mar 2014
I write
Renae Mar 2014
Scribbling in a hurry about
some freak inspiration
on a whim of excitement!
Let me get my pen
On a napkin
On an envelope in the car
I write of love and loss and anger
Emotional storms
Of you and me and God
Of what might have been and what could be
but mostly I write to heal me
239 · Mar 2014
I smile a sigh
Renae Mar 2014
Gently placing thoughts in my head
ever so carefully
They claim I will pick up the pieces
I smile a sigh  
I want for all of their fantasies of me
I glance at the floor
My pieces are everywhere and so many
I think impossible
And then I hear his voice and see him
In my dreams
As I fall back on the floor again & again
I smile a sigh
Shake my head and close my eyes
They gently place
These thoughts of fantasy and bliss
All I see is him
238 · May 2017
Good times
Renae May 2017
Call em what you will
Nights by the fire
Underneath a blanket of stars
A circle of chairs
Sounds of song in the air
laughter
flickering fire lit smiles
Salt & sand in the distance
Ocean tides roll in
Take me back
to carefree
lightweight, good times
238 · May 2014
Untitled
Renae May 2014
I hate crying over you
Don't you know I hate this?
Always thinking of what could be
It's killing me
Won't you just let go completely?
I cannot go to dinner with you
My memories make me want to die
Run to her like you want to
I have already faded
Evaporated from your heart
237 · Sep 2016
Confess
Renae Sep 2016
I confess
happiness is his
With a wall so high
arms fill with emptiness
In tattered shreds
My palpitating heart skips
Barely beating
hit and miss
236 · Nov 2014
I want you
Renae Nov 2014
I want you to love me
             Understanding
                   This encompasses all things

Tolerate my imperfect intentions
My desires to please you in everyway
For this is something I crave
I want to do this everyday

I will not ever hurt you on purpose
                         I want you just as badly
                                 As I want you to want me

Please remember this when I
make you angry
Please remember all I ever wanted
Was to make you happy
Jehovah
236 · Jun 2021
Mosaic
Renae Jun 2021
I've learned I'm entirely
broken...
into tiny fragments.
I don't attempt
to pick up my pieces,
slicing my skin on sharp egdes.
I sat long in the mirror examined my colors... outstanding
my shine, not gone
perhaps not broken.
I said to myself
"I don't need to perfectly fit"
Somehow I'm still beautiful,
sharp, impossible...
I suppose the only thing
left to do is..
proudly place my pieces in cement
236 · Jun 2014
The simple secret
Renae Jun 2014
There is a simple secret to faith
Many profess but few exercise:
*Belief
234 · Sep 2014
The game of life
Renae Sep 2014
It's too bad hurt is prevalent today while love is scarce. Communication is lost and attractions don't last. Seems to me life is a game, I am always losing.
231 · Feb 2024
When
Renae Feb 2024
When the night is gone
We can sleep safely
Like small children cradled
In a mothers arms.
When there is no more darkness
We will love deeply
Willingly embracing
Like we've never seen harm
When the sea is cleansed
We will trust fully
We will have peace
Like we've never known
When the moon is no more
The hurt and anguish
Of our mothers will be forgotten,
Only smiles will grace
Only love will replace
Only good will remain
In the day of perfection.
231 · Dec 2013
when I die
Renae Dec 2013
when I die
I want to be forgotten as if I never existed
I wish for my family to lose my  memory
so they never have to feel the pity
so they can be happy and smile
I wish to be gone in a snap
without machines to support my life
to keep me hanging on


when I die
I just want to be **gone
230 · Dec 2013
You know who you are
Renae Dec 2013
I am glad you're gone. You rip my heart out with ease as if I were nothing to you so I am glad. Go, run, you belong there.
229 · Oct 2017
Happy
Renae Oct 2017
Feeling
Important
Acknowledged
Remembered
LOVED
surrounded by
The ones
Who know you
matter
Who believe in
You
For me
All the opposite
Is true
229 · Nov 2014
Free
Renae Nov 2014
~The thing is, I will gladly set you free if it means it will save your life~
229 · Oct 2014
Bliss (10w)
Renae Oct 2014
They say ignorance is bliss
I'm starting to believe them.
229 · Jul 2014
It was only love
Renae Jul 2014
The giving and forgiving was easy
The want for your happiness
overwhelmed me constantly
I'm smiling as I can see
your need to be free
Remembering the bending
over backwards to please you
Only makes letting go easier
After all is said and done
I'll choose to keep
the good memories
228 · Nov 2014
Trouble (10w)
Renae Nov 2014
Trouble finds me everywhere
It must like me a lot
227 · Jul 2014
Is that what you think?
Renae Jul 2014
Is that what you think? All a woman needs is a big ****** an she'll be good for the rest of the week? Lemme tell you somethin boy, learn this:
When she's up late at night staring out the window, thinking about you, she's thinking about the time you laced fingers; she looked up and you looked down and the firelight danced on your faces.  She remembers lazy footrubs, her legs on yours  when you fed her bites of your ice cream, each of you on either side of the sofa. That day on the beach when you said she was the most amazing girl in the world then you put a flower in her hair. She remembers laughing until her cheeks hurt, getting the inside joke and the way you winked. She remembers your crooked smile, your walk, your voice and your arms, every detail in your hands. The sound of your voice. She remembers every detail of everything but all you remember is the O. She would have loved you anyways.
226 · Aug 2014
Denial
Renae Aug 2014
Denial is the first step in the healing process. A sort of shock to the nerves so to speak, a numbness sets in. This can't be happening and then the why me's. All of a sudden we're too alone to be lonely because then a gun or a knife sounds good, but who'd ever admit that! That's insanity! No, it's better to be in denial.
226 · Feb 2017
The answer to anxiety
Renae Feb 2017
I do not crawl on hands and knees
I am not weighed down with worry
Like so many who've told me
Worry comes naturally
Instead I hand it over in a hurry
To my creator who listens patiently
Who doesn't always fix everything
Not the way I expect it to be
No matter what he protects me
Knows my heart; he gets me
So my best friend he'll always be
Keeping me free from anxiety
Matthew 6:33
225 · Nov 2024
Vanity
Renae Nov 2024
Everywhere I look I see vanity
No matter how much I want to avoid it
I turn on my screen & it's staring at me
Every scroll is another one, head full of air with perfect skin. I don't fit in.
Renae Sep 2014
What we think
and what is,
The difference
Is immense
224 · Jan 2018
How it feels
Renae Jan 2018
Feels
Like chills all through your veins
Like nothing you can explain
Stops
You in your tracks just like that
Breath slows
Deep breaths don't stop
Feels
Like a brick just dropped on your head
Like you would rather be dead
Like your head is in a vice
Feels
Like you can't live your life
Feels
So good you want to scream
Then wake up &
find out
it was only a dream
223 · Jun 2017
Rest Assured
Renae Jun 2017
Relax sit back
Take a moment
Just breathe
It's not all about you
wait and see
If you spend your selfish life
Always me me me
Soon you'll find
Nobody's by your side
Since the one you want the most
Is gone for life
222 · May 2014
Me
Renae May 2014
Me
My eyes are simple, my hands are small
my legs are strong but they are not tall
I live and give often it keeps me full
I've given my heart to the greatest of all
My heart belongs to Jehovah
219 · Mar 2024
Spring
Renae Mar 2024
I stretch my arms to the sky
and breathe in the soft rain
smells of wet concrete
this morning.
It's chilly but crisp out,
the suns rays warm my skin
I gaze hand over eyes at
blue bonnet blankets sewn in patches of green
freshly mowed grass.
Bluebirds sing their  happy songs
in the distance.
It must be spring.
216 · Jan 2022
Easy
Renae Jan 2022
Take some pills
It's not real
You're okay
That's what they say
but it's not that easy

You have bipolar
It's just a disorder
You can get healthy
That's what they tell me

Is it really only
chemically
because it *****
fondled & touched me
without sympathy
that's what I feel
that's what I see
so when you say
it's just me
It's just not that easy

If it's all in my head
why did it steal my bed
& my life away from me
unjustifiably
I have a right
all I could do was fight
when nobody was listening
So don't tell me
It's just me
It's not that easy
you can't appease me

I wouldn't hurt me
like this
I wouldn't choose
this mess
So as you can see
I'm through believing
you know it's not me
Alhough
It's inside
I'll never be that easy
215 · Mar 2014
What if
Renae Mar 2014
If I closed my eyes and clenched my fists
Crossed my fingers and bit my lip
said a prayer & made a wish
If I made my wish with interesting words
Or if those words were a song I could sing
A song I could sing to you
Would you sing along or sway with me?
Would that song melt your heart enough
make you want to live again
Would it make you want to stay home
pick up a hobby that makes your hands happy
to save your laugh from dying
or your eyes from crying
Would it bring you back to us?
If it would I would do it
Everyday
215 · Sep 2016
Keep it to yourself
Renae Sep 2016
Stay quiet
I am done with contemplating
You're too in love with yourself
A woman
Is not yours for taking
She belongs to herself
214 · Feb 2014
Everyone says
Renae Feb 2014
Everyone says it's been too long
Everyone says I should have known
Everyone says I'm so young
it's just crazy to hold on
Everyone says I should move on now
try to find someone else

Everyone needs to know
My heart is not made of stone
I've never had to move on
I've never known love before
Everyone says I'm crazy
It's obvious he doesn't love me
Everyone says these things
yet none feel my feelings
212 · May 2017
My dog
Renae May 2017
Sometimes I think I want to write a book about my dog. All the strange and quirky things he does. How he loves to sniff the backs of my legs after I've had a hard long workout at the gym or how when I snap my fingers he runs into his hotel of a crate, so good, so obediently. I always give him a treat for that. So I lock the door behind me only when I reach the car I remember something, like I left my coffee on the counter... so its back inside I go, only to find my dog Romeo... barking and crying at me like I've been gone and left him for days.  Oh my simply complex little mini poodle, cut like a lion, my darling doggie. A personality larger than life and a bark like a bear with no teeth. ♡♡♡
211 · Sep 2016
Deceased
Renae Sep 2016
To cease to exist
209 · May 2014
HOPE
Renae May 2014
Heartfelt
Optimism for
People
E**verywhere
209 · May 2014
Madness
Renae May 2014
Madness spreads through me as I watch
all I wanted was a moment of my own
Silent still alone
Just a song maybe, to keep me company
I did not ask for this life
it was chosen for me
209 · Mar 2014
Want
Renae Mar 2014
I want to love you
I wish we were free
But I get this funny feeling
it's much too temporary
207 · Jul 2014
The story of you and me
Renae Jul 2014
Never ceases to amaze me how easily we'd
*self-destruct
206 · Mar 2017
Done
Renae Mar 2017
It doesn't make any sense
So I'll give up
The twists and knots
You've made in my mind
Too intricate now
Too many times you've
Looped through and through
I cannot pull it apart
It's too much now
Too many lies
Too much uncertainty
It was you
I chose you
With patience
I stood up for you
I withstood humiliation
With understanding
I listened to your accusations
saying hurtful things to me
Another twist
I allowed
Your intentions
not for me to be happy
Instead your intention
Is hurtful
And I am done
I am through
I am finally
Over you
204 · Mar 2014
Saved the worst for last
Renae Mar 2014
Opening my eyes to
I'm not the one for you
I remember your words
all too well
I tried to forget the day you threw me
Or broke everything
We weren't what I dreamed
She was your tower
I could never measure up
A thousand times I'd been the brunt
before you walked in
You didn't seem to mind
so we saved the worst for last
Loosing all respect for each other
we stopped remembering we were only imperfect
or that we needed this thing they call love
I finally accepted knowing with time gone by
if we couldn't forgive and forget
since we are only human
life would never be kind....&
together we'd never survive.
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