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Jul 2018 · 52
Dreams
Renae Jul 2018
You're sound asleep
blissfully unaware
I wish you were lying here
I dream awake
Imagination spinning weaves
Unending roads of meaning
All leading
To you
Jul 2018 · 58
Beyond repair
Renae Jul 2018
"You didn't love her! You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!"

Why do I feel like this quote was written about me?
Not the one with the ego
The one destroyed
Love does not destroy
Jul 2018 · 77
With love
Jul 2018 · 647
Hormones
Renae Jul 2018
Stretched so thin it almost breaks
That place deep within
Where anxiety stems
making you curse your birth
and everything that matters most.
Hormones.
The day you find out he never cared is the same day, slowly flowing down the fallopian highway, comes the one bond you will never break.
Something no one can ever take.
That sort of saves you; only the ache truly doesn't fade.
Because the fact remains, the only thing that feels like life, the only breath that makes us thrive
That one truth that is only just out of reach, will drive you completely insane.
Hormones stay,  telling you it won't be good again.
Never like it was with him.
Your heart screams out in pain
He rolled his eyes as he threw you away.
Tossed in with his collection of forgotten names.
When commitment sang
he ran away
never looking back
You squeeze your veins
trying to cut off the feeling
The sting of swollen eyes
stomach in knots
Knowing he lied
He didn't see you as worth his time
Makes a woman feel like a bundle of hormones.
Heart unseen
Mind's all a mess now
Over what was never said
testosterone driven
By her scent, her hips
The taste of her smooth skin.. It was all primitive.
Hormones.
Mar 2018 · 42
Red
Renae Mar 2018
Red
Truth is
I search for you
Highs & lows of lyricists

Lost in emotion

Every thought
Like red wine on white carpet

Stained forever

Try as you may to forget
even the faintest spot remains
As a reminder
of that one night
Mar 2018 · 182
Fighter
Renae Mar 2018
What does it mean
To always be ready
Offense
Defensive
I am always
On this
One way street
Fists is position
Steady
Pivoting
I am a fighter
It is all I know now
Concussions
Bruised
what is left of me
Bleeds on the inside
where none can see
Mar 2018 · 362
Let
Renae Mar 2018
Let
I let myself drown in you
I let myself go
I let my emotion take precedence
let nonsense take over
I have no one else to blame
Only I can control
Self
But I can't help myself
You are all I wanted
And the saddest thing
Is the more you refrain
The less I want to give
The farther apart we swim
Until we cannot find each other any longer
I cannot let you
Take me over
Feb 2018 · 167
Honey
Renae Feb 2018
honey catches more bees than vinegar ever will
Hahaha who the heck wants to catch something that stings?
No I'll keep my honey, honey,
I'll feed it to the mama bears  they know what it's like to be stung
Feb 2018 · 97
Untitled
Renae Feb 2018
I love being alone
For as long as I can remember
Alone is my comfort zone
I get lost in myself
No worries
no one else to care about
Not lonesome, never lost
That only happens when
I find myself
Trying to get lost
In someone else
My mind becomes enthralled
It is almost like poison
Seeping through my veins
Nothing but confusion
Inside my brain
I cannot understand why
Why did he say what he said yesterday?
Why isn't he interested today,
He was so into me
Wasn't he?
Wait a second, step back,
Re-evaluate
This isn't true love, why am I stuck in debate?
I cannot convince anyone of who I am
This is not the end
It must have been
a ploy  for revenge
From a bitter soul
who obviously has
no idea who I am
Feb 2018 · 165
A walk
Renae Feb 2018
A walk down my memory lane
might just make you dizzy
trip over boulders
in my obstacle course
A walk down my memory lane
might make you wail
not just cry
Might make you wonder why
life is so intentionally cruel
and why so many lives
fall through cracks in boardwalks and get lost in sand
endlessly twisting in hourglass
canisters sitting on tables staring at happiness
they can not claim
Feb 2018 · 117
Storm
Renae Feb 2018
Tonight I felt lost
Deep in thoughts
The angry world trying to start up a storm with innocence
Why do they love to
Cause uproars
Meddle and pick and pry
Love is not that easy
Love does not happen overnight
Love is tucked away
In a safer place
Sheilded from wicked ways
ruthless minds
Who play with truth
& shout out lies
Feb 2018 · 95
Untitled
Renae Feb 2018
Sweet sounds of silence
Sounds like a dream
Makes me feel like napping
a deep peaceful sleep
From which never to awaken
Or maybe instead
An awakening
better than in a dream
Unimaginable perfection
It's what I want to be
So as not to be less than
what you need
Feb 2018 · 107
Wishes
Renae Feb 2018
"If wishes were horses everyone would ride"*
If God were mediator privacy
Would reside in crevices
Deep within
Where only 2 could share
Understanding
Feb 2018 · 109
Feelings suck
Renae Feb 2018
A real relationship is the ultimate fantasy*
When will humans finally
open their eyes  
Lust is a disease of the mind
We feel almost safe wrapped up in the blanket of desire
Which is easily unraveled
Falling feels like flying
But somehow we always
Hit the ground
Feb 2018 · 290
Black
Renae Feb 2018
One day you're walking in a lavender field at sunset
Rich aroma fills your senses
Genuine excitement
Contentment
pure joy in heart & mind
Simply put
love is in your grasp
nothing can stop your
happiness

The next day
Suddenly
the lavender turned black,
the sky black,
your heart.....black,
hopelessness
engulfs heart & mind
The love you so desperately crave forsook you & took your heart from your chest
Feb 2018 · 95
His
Renae Feb 2018
His
He is bold
Pristine
A molded vessel
Listening
Forgives
Wants me
Stays even when
I'm far away
I want his love
I want to be his
One day
Jan 2018 · 559
pwg
Renae Jan 2018
pwg
Pretty
Such a shallow existence
Unfortunately it's the way
To capture your attention
Pretty shallow
Is what I see
Pretty empty
Pretty upset
Well now that's me
Pretty much useless
I see pretty in many things
But pretty isn't much
Of anything
Jan 2018 · 114
Destroyer
Renae Jan 2018
Shove the knife in deep
Make me think it was me
Destroy even tiny bits of what might've been
Try your darndest to make me
Think you're someone
I should still need
In the end all I see
Is a destroyer
Jan 2018 · 168
Over you
Renae Jan 2018
What does it take
To break free
To stitch up a wound so deep
What does it take
To forget
To let go and be free
What does it take
To get over you & me
Jan 2018 · 190
Broke
Renae Jan 2018
I want to talk to you
Only what would I say?
You will turn the tables
make me feel awful  
Twist my words
Stab me in the heart again
& again
I will continue to be in pain
Drowning in my tears
& confusion
While you smile
as you walk away
No, friends is too hard for me.
Jan 2018 · 221
How it feels
Renae Jan 2018
Feels
Like chills all through your veins
Like nothing you can explain
Stops
You in your tracks just like that
Breath slows
Deep breaths don't stop
Feels
Like a brick just dropped on your head
Like you would rather be dead
Like your head is in a vice
Feels
Like you can't live your life
Feels
So good you want to scream
Then wake up &
find out
it was only a dream
Jan 2018 · 86
Darkness
Renae Jan 2018
In a dark twisted place
without direction
Emptiness overwhelms
Search for some light
Stumble through
Feel the way
Stretching out arms
Fingers
Reaching for something strong
Finding nothing
In front
Nor behind
Darkness fills every inch
Until all that's left is feeling
Jan 2018 · 105
Unpredictable
Renae Jan 2018
Unpredictable who?
Me?
Why would'nt you
expect me to be?
Unpredictable you seems
A normalcy
Jan 2018 · 199
WE
Renae Jan 2018
WE
I am not he
Though I long
for unity
We
are puzzle pieces
bent
yet not crippled
Beyond healing
Are the pieces
irreparable
damaged until
they no longer
believe they fit
Take my hand
Of support
Let me listen
Learn to stay
For I am laughter, I am love
I yearn to let you in
Love overwhelmes
unhealthy callous reasonings
Love can ease the ache
Warm the frozen
Heal the broken parts
what is needed
Is we
Jan 2018 · 137
Obsessed
Renae Jan 2018
Only thoughts
Become words
Sounds
Every inch corner, crease
So please
Stay captured with
Excessive longing
Desperately watching....

Wanting
In-depth
Togetherness
Hopeful

Tomorrow
Heaven smiles
Eternally

Tenderly
Helping
Our endeavours
Under seemingly
Graven circumstances
True intention is revealed


Only
Forever


You will be
Obsessed with me
Until time is no more

As
New
Desire

Makes love
E**nevitable
Jan 2018 · 98
Life
Renae Jan 2018
As waves crash
over smooth
Steady surfaces
rocky shorelines
fragments of leaves,
twigs and twine
flowing backwards
Pulling, pushing
Like life
Uncontrollable
Flowing with waters
Crashing, floating, rushing
Breaking
Enduring
until it is swept away
Jan 2018 · 241
Gold
Renae Jan 2018
Alone
a solemn
residing place

Lost in vast distracting
thoughts analyzing
Misplaced
Mistaken
Trying to stand

Along comes
True
Someone like you
Cemented

I long to grab hold
Smothering bodies
becoming
part of
your mold

Joined together
Painted in gold
Jan 2018 · 249
Curiosity
Renae Jan 2018
They say
Curiosity killed the cat
But who are they anyways?
They
sure do say
A lot of things ...
I have been oh so curious
And I am still alive...
While I am neither cat nor
animal of any kind
I find that being curious
Is the only way to actually live...
For how can you discover
Anything
Without curiosity?
Jan 2018 · 119
I don't mind
Renae Jan 2018
I don't mind the rain
Or opinions
Contentment within
Is protection
I understand
So I'll bring sun and shade
You can stand under my shelter
Rightly disposed
I'll  bring light into darkness
With perfect balance
Jan 2018 · 170
I am a work of art
Renae Jan 2018
I suppose I am not so broken
it is impossible for me to keep it
together

I could use gold to piece my heart together in a mosaic fashion

Then I can proudly display my masterpiece

I am still golden
I still have a heart of gold

Only
a much more delicate
Far more valuable
work of art
Dec 2017 · 174
What If
Renae Dec 2017
What would life be like
If there were no deadlines
No rush, no hurry
No waiting in line
No jammed up traffic
Or chaotic lunch hours
No frustrated looks
Everyone is smiling
Waving to say "hello!"
On their way to somewhere
They want to be

Imagine if you will
It begins with
A coral & blue sun rise

Slowly you stretch
Close behind
Is a warm cozy cuddle
Holding a hot cup of tea
A delicious home made breakfast with loved ones

Mid morning is spent
in your garden
Hands cultivating rich soil
Flowers greet your senses
Beauty catching your eye
from every angle
Satisfaction is all you feel
Knowing everything you need
Is there in your fruit trees
The ones you planted
In the garden beds
The ground provides everything
Without cost

It is mid day
A soak sounds nice
As long as you like
Hey, why not go for a hike?
To waterfalls
Or a river bed
Or climb a mountain side
Do whatever you want
Leave the country!
There are no boundaries

You won't grow old
Because you have eternity
Age does not exist
Unless we count the years
And there are no more tears
Because sin has disappeared

There's a million things to do
You're happy and healthy
You have day and night
There's joy in every thing
& no exhaustion in sight
What if
Everything I said
Is possible
What would you give up today?
What if there was only
One way
But that way
Is sometimes uncomfortable
Would that make you
Want to do what it takes?
Would that make you
Try to learn what might
Seem implausible?
Dec 2017 · 253
Just so you know
Renae Dec 2017
Just so you know
I do not want to save you
In fact I can not.

You and I,
We can only save ourselves.
Nov 2017 · 358
Alive
Renae Nov 2017
What is it to be alive?
Pondering life
Living....
Is it to be wild
without a care?
Taking off in a split second
No worries no responsibility
Traveling
Mystery
Is it to be wrapped up in
Hobbies
Spending time doing
The things you enjoy,
Being somebody
Loving somebody...
Does that make you feel alive?
Is it knowing?
Wisdom, knowledge, philosophy
What does it mean?
No matter where I'm going
All the places I've been
Even when I thought I
Was loved
All my years one thing I've
Never felt is
Alive
Oct 2017 · 258
My love
Renae Oct 2017
The only love I've ever known
I have never seen
The only ear that's ever listened
I've yet to hear him speak
But I know he speaks
Through pages I read
In moments
Experiences
I relive in memories
The only love I've never known
I talk to more than anyone
I talk about him too
The only love I'll ever want
I have yet to meet
But somehow I know I will
One day

That day is worth living for
To me it means everything
♡♡♡
Oct 2017 · 409
Just a love story
Renae Oct 2017
He was set in his ways
knew just who
& what he wanted

He wanted her, but
she wasn't quite sure
So she stuck around
for the fun
A few months in she
Started to fall

Well that's the way
Love begins after all..

The chase

After a while he
let her grow on him
even though inside
He swore he would be
The bachelor debonair
Everyone knew him to be

Til the day he die
Come what may
He'd never be tied down
Or made to stay

She wanted love
she needed it
She saw he also wanted
More than this

So they fell in love
Shut the rest out

Turn the page
8 years down the line
two more added
to the family tree
the first 2 years
were wonderful
Her dream come true
The next 8
We're all downhill


The hardest times came
Their love
so frail
She couldn't fight
Anymore
She couldn't keep it together
She wasn't strong enough
I guess it wasn't forever

Through the years
She died a thousand deaths
There was nothing left
Her heart turned to stone
Joy left her eyes
She quickly learned
She was always all alone


He had already moved on
before they ever were apart
Without a second thought
He had found new life
He had broke her heart
Oct 2017 · 305
Unwanted
Renae Oct 2017
Do not dig please
Leave it
burried deep
Layers upon layers
scars so thick
Creating a wall
Guarranteed to hide
Comfortably numb
it's alright
Love is here
Where loyalty is mine
even though outside
It may seem I'm
Unwanted
♡♡♡
Oct 2017 · 322
Keep it
Renae Oct 2017
Sometimes I think running away
Sounds like a dream come true

Minds thickly clouded with memories feel unworthy
Asking silly things
Falling on unlistening ears
just ready
To spill it back
out through other holes
in other spaces
in unwanted ways

No it's better mute
It's safe that way
Nobody hurt
Nobody blamed

Nobody hears the screaming...

But if they did anyway I would only want to run again

As if anyone could change
The elephant in the room
No,
Ignorance
makes it my elephant
And I guess
That's comfort enough

So I'll keep it to myself
Oct 2017 · 225
Happy
Renae Oct 2017
Feeling
Important
Acknowledged
Remembered
LOVED
surrounded by
The ones
Who know you
matter
Who believe in
You
For me
All the opposite
Is true
Oct 2017 · 194
After thoughts
Renae Oct 2017
Nothing gained nothing lost
Guess it wasn't what I thought
Should I be surprised at all?
Truth is I'm just not
Not shocked
Shock value seems to be all you got
Enough with the whole facade
I'm done with the have nots
Spinning by
Like after thoughts
Wishing you knew what I got
Sep 2017 · 612
Broken
Renae Sep 2017
Too many hearts have been...

Like pieces of a puzzle scattered
To the wind
Too many shattered
It's a mad disaster
feelings ripped to shreds
left in tatters....
Too many times
families nearly erased
displaced,
Once beautiful memories

Swept away in a wave

Or burnt to the ground

What used to be alive
lays desolate now
like a pile of ashes
in a giant mound...

Too many hearts have been
Broken
Aug 2017 · 372
Success
Renae Aug 2017
An award
Graduating with honors
A steady salaried income
A title
COO of the company
The biggest, luxuriest condo
A prestigious position
Actress
Moviestar
President
Congress
All definitions
Societies perception
If you ask me
I'd disagree
To me it's about progression
How's your homelife?
Stress level?
Are you comfortable in your skin?
How's your confidence?
Didn't anyone tell you?
Happiness comes from within.
Success is you
Your story, your strengths
Your talents, your family, your friends
If I ask you, would you be proud of who you are?
Titles and money
mean nothing in the end.
Aug 2017 · 189
Miracle
Renae Aug 2017
Bravery is unexplainable
how can we possibly comprehend
Like in crisis
How adrenaline kicks in
unexpectedly muscles clench
And all of a sudden
Lifting a car no longer seems
Impossible...
Infact pretty much anything is
Possible
When your child's in trouble
All of a sudden
You have no choice
You have to be a hero
It's like your brain takes over
Your body just minds
Accomplishing a miracle
Jul 2017 · 299
Planted
Renae Jul 2017
I turned around
Found you hiding
You smirked slyly
Ask me to keep my lip zipped
You must've thought me niave
Without the smallest shield
Certainly no breastplate or
Sword of protection
You assumed me a helpless mess!
My only crime,
Assuming you were honest
Honesty was too high a price
For you could not afford the consequence!
After realizing my mistake I found my
Roots so deep
Planted into the richest soil
By a never ending stream
My trunk so thick
No longer can you sway me
I am immoveable
Steadfast
**Planted
Jun 2017 · 349
Traveling
Renae Jun 2017
Winding through
The evergreens
Up this way
Back down what brings
Sitting in the back
Swaying this & that
So many resturaunts
Adding inches to hips
Licking what's left
From fingertips
Bodies uncomfortable
squished in tight
Dying to stop
To stay for the night
All stretched out
All cuddled in
Continental breakfast
On the road by 6 am
We had some fun, we saw the sights
Exciting days & beautiful nights
Exhausted in the evening
When we hit the hay
Up bright & early
The very next day
Back through the fields
Down the winding roads
To familiar things
To a place called home
Jun 2017 · 359
Let go
Renae Jun 2017
What irritates you most?
Rubs you wrong
Makes you cringe
Squint your eyes
Bite your lip
Don't express what's locked
Deep down inside
Reality tries to peek
It's ugly head
Take the cramped and jagged
Way up on the edge
Stay focused on your own two feet
Don't fall off the ledge
Steady now
Let the rain roll
Right off your back
Don't look back
Learn to say no
Let go
Jun 2017 · 221
Rest Assured
Renae Jun 2017
Relax sit back
Take a moment
Just breathe
It's not all about you
wait and see
If you spend your selfish life
Always me me me
Soon you'll find
Nobody's by your side
Since the one you want the most
Is gone for life
Jun 2017 · 437
Time
Renae Jun 2017
Precious are the moments
Since moments turn to hours
Hours turn to days, and so on
Nothing is more expensive
More fleeting
Nor has the quality
Time is golden
It is not a small thing
But the small things
That matter
Since time is so valuable
Choose wisely
It to whom you'll give
Jun 2017 · 879
One day
Renae Jun 2017
One day I won't get upset
I won't feel regret
I'll never remember
Anything that's been said
I'll be able to focus
Life will be endless
Possibilities without fear
Or needing forgiveness
Love will be overflowing
No guessing
No unknowing
I won't think about mistakes
I won't dwell on imperfection
I won't give in when temptation
Rears it's ugly head
Nothing will hurt me
I'll feel only love instead
Just feeling a bit sad after some news I heard.
May 2017 · 254
Empty headedness
Renae May 2017
I peered inside
For just a few moments
To see if I could find any depth

I found wisdom was non-existent
No truth resides, it's inept
all that remains

A small tickle of comfort
In empty headedness
May 2017 · 211
My dog
Renae May 2017
Sometimes I think I want to write a book about my dog. All the strange and quirky things he does. How he loves to sniff the backs of my legs after I've had a hard long workout at the gym or how when I snap my fingers he runs into his hotel of a crate, so good, so obediently. I always give him a treat for that. So I lock the door behind me only when I reach the car I remember something, like I left my coffee on the counter... so its back inside I go, only to find my dog Romeo... barking and crying at me like I've been gone and left him for days.  Oh my simply complex little mini poodle, cut like a lion, my darling doggie. A personality larger than life and a bark like a bear with no teeth. ♡♡♡
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